


A Healing Touch.

by Crowley_Kitten



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aerial Dance, Aerial silks, Alternate Universe - Rugby, Alternative Universe Good Omens, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Bondage, Bottom Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Has PTSD (Good Omens), Crowley Has a Praise Kink (Good Omens), Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), Dancer Crowley (Good Omens), Dom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Drug Addiction, Enthusiastic Consent, Feet, Frottage, Gentle Dom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Heavy Angst, Heroin, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Light Dom/sub, M/M, Masturbation, Nightmares, Nonbinary Beelzebub (Good Omens), Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Parental Abuse, Physiotherapist Crowley, Rape Aftermath, Rimming, Rugby, Rugby Player Aziraphale, Sub Crowley (Good Omens), They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), Top Aziraphale (Good Omens), Touch-Starved Crowley (Good Omens), Underage Rape/Non-con, Yoga teacher Crowley, aziraphale has a large cock, physiotherapy, referenced underage rape, toe sucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:20:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 43
Words: 57,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowley_Kitten/pseuds/Crowley_Kitten
Summary: Aziraphale Fell is a Rugby player past his physical peak.his aches and pains are getting harder to work around.but a sports physio is about to change his life entirely.My first human AU.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 844
Kudos: 350





	1. Chapter 1

Aziraphale grunted hard as his shoulders slammed into the scrum. His feet slipped on the mud as he pushed forwards, gritting his teeth hard against the mouthguard. That old nagging pain in his hip that set his leg shaking, and an increasingly familiar twinge in his shoulder joint. FUCK FUCK FUCK. He focused on keeping his centre of gravity low, pushing forward as best he could.    
  
and then his knee twisted and gave out. He fell hard with a snarl of pain, his nostrils flared. The scrum dispersed.    
  
“FELL!” shouted the coach. “you okay there?” he palmed the gumshield, gasping.   


“I seem to have lost my footing. My knee is a bit off”    
  
“Showers! We'll talk after practice.”    
  
  
Aziraphale stood shaking in the shower feeling the grinding in his joints. He really was getting too old for this. Rugby was a younger man's game. But his expensive Private School upbringing had let him realise he had a skill and the strength for it, and his father wouldn’t have stood for him following up on the “pansy sports” of fencing or Dressage he had also very much enjoyed. Despite his gentle and quiet nature, his strong, sturdy build and quick thinking had equipped him well for Rugby. He sighed under the hot water, rinsing away the mud, sweat and even blood that had dirtied him on the field. He flicked the Jacuzzi on and eased in to sooth his aching bones. Some ten minutes later, the other men came pouring into the changing room, loud and upbeat. After a quick shower, the Captain, Gabriel, a tall, objectively handsome and rugged man, clapped him hard on the shoulder as he jumped into the bubbling water with a tidal wave splashing over the sides.  Aziraphale winced.    
  
“Old Bones getting you down, huh?” he asked uncaringly in a loud American accent. “you thinking of packing it in yet, old man?”   
  
“well.... I know I’m past my peak, but still... I don’t think I’m quite on the scrapheap yet. Just need a bit of …. well I’m sure I can get it back. It's just the cold and damp. Summer soon, yes?”    
  
“Yeah, you’re still good, man. Still show some of the young’uns what it’s all about.” his voice softened “you okay though? Really?”    
  
“Oh, it’s nothing, really. The weather, and I think maybe I slept wrong. I’ll be fit as a fiddle in no time, you’ll see.”    
  
“You need some physio. A sports massage. I told Coach. I gave him the card for my guy. He's good. Bit of a hippy, but he FINDS those knots, and he beats the shit out of them. He's the best in the business. After you went down, I told Coach to call him. He'll get you sorted.”    
  
The hot tub started to get more crowded, and the tone in the room Bawdier. Before long the air was blue with vulgar songs, and despite all the macho posturing, Aziraphale felt quite content among his friends.    
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> while the rest of the team train, Aziraphale prepares to meet the Physio.

The team dispersed to the pub after practice. Aziraphale tucked himself into a comfy corner chair near the fire. He grimaced as the coach approached him. 

“Zira, you want to talk about what happened today?” He bristled a little. He didn’t really. He knew his future on the team was getting shorter. “Cos Gabe reckons his Physio could help you. Apparently, he’s the best. So, I’ve booked him to come and see what he can do for you during next practice. I saw how you fell, you’re not up to getting right back on the horse right now. Your knee is getting worse. Your shoulder too. Your hip isn’t getting better. You NEED to take some time to put them right. You’re no spring chicken anymore, Fell. If you want to keep playing, you HAVE to take care of yourself better.” Aziraphale nodded solemnly. 

“You’re right, of course.” Aziraphale sighed. “I still do my best. My body just doesn’t recover like it used to.” 

“We’re none of us as young as we were, Zira. Myself included. You're good. You're one of the best. I do WANT to have you on the team as long as possible. So you NEED to look after yourself better. The younger guys have a lot to learn from you still. When you do retire, I want it to be on your own terms, not just because you can’t do it anymore without fucking yourself up. So next practice, you’re seeing this Tony guy. See if he can help oil up the old machine.” The coach smiled hopefully. “So promise me you’ll give him a fair chance, Zira. Gabe says he’s really good.” 

“Very well.” he responded meekly, wondering if this would buy him any time at all to keep going. 

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

At the next practice, Aziraphale felt a little awkward as the rest of the team changed and headed out. He wasn’t sure if he should shower, or what he should wear. So, he settled for changing out of his office clothes for some loose tracksuit bottoms and a comfortable baggy T shirt. After the team headed out, the coach directed him to one of the smaller rooms of the clubhouse to wait. Out the window he could see his friends warming up on the field. He sighed. His time was doubtless coming to an end, and he still enjoyed it too much to let it go. There was a tap at the door. 

“Mr Fell? Are you in here?” Came a musical voice. 

“Um.... yes, yes I am.” 

“You decent? You don’t need to strip off for me, you know that right? Not on a first date anyway.” Aziraphale blushed a little, and opened the door. A tall, pleasantly scented lean figure breezed in, carrying a folding table and a bag with blankets, cushions and who knows what else. He placed them in the corner, light on his toes, like a dancer. He turned and smiled warmly, holding out his hand in greeting. “Tony, but you can call me Crowley. I’m here to see if we can’t get you loosened up a bit.” Aziraphale raised an eyebrow appraisingly. Scanning the newcomer up and down.   
he had wavy, deep red hair tied back loosely at the nape of his neck in a lazy bun, tendrils falling about his narrow shoulders. He had thin, expressive lips, a light dusting of freckles over his slightly fiercely Aquiline nose. Mobile brows. Little Crows feet that creased at the corner of.... 

HIS EYES. 

Aziraphale’s mind went blank. The Physio’s eyes were a pale golden hazel, with large, dark pupils. fringed with long lashes that fluttered over high cheekbones. His jaw was angular. His V neck tee shirt exposing sculpted collarbones at the base of an elegant neck. The fabric clinging over a lean body. Soft looking full harem trousers hiding his long legs. Crowley kicked off his slip-on shoes, exposing long, pale, angular feet. He shouldered off his worn leather jacket, and Good Lord, Aziraphale almost swallowed his tongue. The T shirt was slashed at the shoulders, sleeveless, exposing long, sinewy, strong looking arms. He moved with elegant grace, He noticed. The balance of his weight down each leg even and controlled. 

Aziraphale somehow remembered where and who he was, and took the offered hand, startling a little at its warmth and softness. 

“You’re Mr Fell, right? They tell me you’re a hooker, but I’ll be honest, I don’t understand sports that well. What I DO understand is how the human body moves, works and functions.” 

“Ummm...... Aziraphale.” He muttered back. “Names Aziraphale.” He felt his hand squeezed in those long, elegant fingers. 

“Well, it’s a delight to meet you Aziraphale. First off, can I get you to turn around and stand square, as tall and even as you can. See if we can work out where your hot spots are.” He let the blinds on the window drop, and Aziraphale meekly did as instructed. “Okay, your coach gave me the forms I needed you to fill in.” He carried on, filling the silence so it didn’t become uncomfortable. “Shoes off please, Aziraphale, I need to see how you stand.” Aziraphale felt like a show pony being assessed for conformation. “Okaaaaay, is it okay if I touch you Aziraphale? I can see a few spots that aren’t right, and I’m just going to see how tight they are, if that’s alright with you?” He nodded around a nervous lump in his throat. 

First the warm fingers touched the back of his neck, comparing the tension down one side to his shoulder compared to the other. His hands instinctively found the knot where it lurked, as if under his right shoulderblade. “There?” 

“Yes.” The hands swept back up from the shoulderblade to the base of his skull, which pressed into the flesh there on the opposite side. 

“Which is causing you tension here. Do you get headaches often?” Aziraphale swallowed hard, trying not to press back into his touch. 

“Yes, I’m afraid I do. Usually when I’m tired.” The fingers smoothed down his spine, and his touch made it clear how unevenly he carried himself 

“Okay, so just checking in with your pelvis if that’s okay. Tell me to stop if you need me to.” The hands warmly cupped his hipbones through his stocky flesh, and pressed lightly as if to align them better. The right hand joined the left, feeling around the muscles that anchored the joint. Then the hands swept down, softly brushing over his knees. Focusing on his weaker right knee, then sweeping down to his left ankle. “Yup, you’re all out of whack. Your left hip took an injury, and what usually happens is what’s happened with you. You’ve compensated through your whole body. which is why your main pain points are a kind of zigzag all through your joints. You're strong, but you’re wound too tight.” Aziraphale slumped when the hands left his body to rifle through his folder. He took out a picture of a skeleton, making red X marks on the page to show which joints were of particular concern. “Okay!” he announced brightly. He unfolded the massage table, laying a soft blanket over it, folding another at the foot. “If you can take your t shirt and joggies off, you can leave the pants, then that would be helpful. You ruggers are usually okay with that. If you’d rather keep them on, feel free. I’ll leave the room, get yourself on the table, face down, and put the top blanket over your lower body. Call me when you’re ready.” And the redhead breezed back out. Aziraphale felt kind of shellshocked. He decided to take off his top and leave his trousers. It had taken him a long time to feel comfortable in the changing room. Besides, this man was remarkably beautiful. Stripping down in front of him was probably going to be difficult. Embarassing even. when he was comfortably arranged, his face nestled in the horseshoe shape for his head, his arms resting on the suspended shelf he warily called out that he was ready. 

Aziraphale doubted it was possible to ever be ready to have those hands back on him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley struggles to maintain his professional facade.

The redhead leaned back against the wall next to the door, rolling his eyes heavenwards. He took a deep, shaky breath in and huffed it back out slowly to ground himself. Set himself square on his feet, stretching his painted toes. Rolled his shoulders.    
  
“Anthony J. Crowley, pull your stupid self together!” He hissed under his breath. SHIT!FUCK!WANK! He was hot. No, not hot. He was BEAUTIFUL. Like a literal angel. Well, not a _literal_ angel. He had no wings, no flames, no spinning wheels, one head, only the usual number of eyes. But like a beautiful Renaissance painting of an angel. He bit down on his knuckle to hold back a groan. COCKADOODLEBUMTITS! He took another meditative breath, trying to bring his heart rate back to normal. To slip back into his easy, professional demeanour. “Probably not even into guys anyway.” He told himself, trying to talk himself down. “He’ll be a typical, chest beating gorilla. Don't let the pretty face fool ya.” Tony knew this was hopeless. He just had to hold himself together. Stick on his work face, and breeze on through. He was nothing if not professional. He swore again under his breath when the angel, no, the CLIENT called him to come back in. Then set his smile in place and opened the door.    
  
Aziraphale was, as instructed face down on the treatment table, the blanket covering him from his midriff downwards. Crowley brought the lights down on the dimmer switch.    
  
"Okay, Mr Fell....”   


“Aziraphale” he corrected gently.    
  
“Aziraphale.” Replied Crowley, carefully shaping each syllable. “That’s an unusual name. Good unusual. I’ve not come across it before.... yes, anyway, Aziraphale, I’d like you to try and relax. If you want to talk, you can, if you want to stay quiet you can. But DO let me know if something is uncomfortable or painful. There will be times I will need to use more pressure to relieve tension, and I’ll warn you, and you can tell me if you need me to go gentler or stop, good?”   
  
“Yes, Mr Crowley. Thank you.” That cultured, gentle voice. Mr Fell REALLY wasn’t how he tended to view rugby players at all. He seemed more like a professor or a librarian.    
  
“Just Crowley.” He smiled. Aziraphale heard skin brushing down paper as Crowley double checked his consent and consultation forms. “No allergies, no meds. No health conditions to speak of..... are you warm enough?” 

“Yes, thank you for asking.” DAMN he was cute. Adorable even. So polite.    
  
“I’ll use the blanket to cover areas I’m not working on so you don’t get chilled.” A long-fingered hand appeared below the table with a bottle of blended oils wafting under his nose. “Are you comfortable with the smell of these oils? I have other blends if not. This one is particularly good for muscle pain.” Aziraphale inhaled the spicy, almost medicinal scent. He could detect lavender, Rosemary, cinnamon and clove.   
  
“That smells lovely.”    
  
“Good, then you’ll smell lovely when I’m through with you.” The hand disappeared again. “Just going to adjust the blanket and make sure you’re lying straight and comfortably. So, I’ll be moving you around a bit, okay?” Aziraphale nodded, relaxing into the comfortable table as Crowley slipped a bolster under his feet, letting his legs lie straighter. He gently adjusted the angle of his hips and shoulders, so his spine was better aligned. Then he carefully adjusted the blanket over him, covering him to his shoulders, then folding it back to expose them again, tucking the fabric closer to the plush body. _Justabodyjustabodyjustabody_ _,_ He thought to himself, as the soft blanket clung to thick thighs and plush arse. DAMNDAMNDAMN! He took himself around to the head end of the table, placing his hands gently but firmly on the back of Aziraphale’s head. Almost whimpering at how soft his fluffy, white blond curls were. “Are you ready for me to begin, Aziraphale?”    
  
“That would be wonderful, thank you” came the muffled response.   
  
“I’m just going to very carefully manipulate your skull first. I will support the weight, just relax and let me move you.” As he had described, he gently lifted Aziraphale’s face in his cupped palms, trying to ignore the feeling of his lips under his fingers, turning his face slowly round to the left, slowly to the right, noting the difference in how free the movement was on each side compared to the other. Replacing his head to the rest, he pulled lightly, elongating the neck so that it lay straight with no pressure points caused by his position. Aziraphale let out a slow, heavy breath as he surrendered to being maneuvered. He warmed the oil between his hands before firmly stroking the back of his neck, and those gorgeous, broad shoulders, smoothing the oil down to the area below his shoulder blades. He began to lean into the planes of muscle, making Aziraphale moan low in his chest. FUCKSHITFUCK! He tried to detach from the situation, focus on the intuitive side of it. Feeling his hands pulling towards areas of tight muscle. Areas where his client held himself too stiffly, where he twisted his body out of line to compensate for pain elsewhere.    
  
Crowley had always had an instinct for finding where pain dug in its roots, how it grew from one area to another like a bacteria on a petri dish. His hands moved confidently over the warm expanse of skin, letting himself slip into the almost trance like state that tuned his focus to the way energy moved through the body. To where it was slow and muddy. To where it was stuck. This instinct was what made him so well regarded in his job. He would find the root of pain. And he would bring it out with his warm, soothing hands. After soothing and smoothing the shoulders and upper back, he went back to that tight spot hiding beneath the angel's right shoulder blade. Under his wing, he thought, smiling to himself. He spoke softly, in a hypnotically even way so as not to disturb his client. “Now, Aziraphale. You have that tense spot under your shoulder, that we talked about. I’m going to need to manipulate that quite strongly to release it, and it may be a little uncomfortable, will you be okay with me using more pressure?” Aziraphale mumbled approvingly. “Okay....I’m going to need to adjust your position to make that point accessible. It might feel a bit strange. I’ll be using a block under your shoulder, and I will need your hand on your back, relax your right arm for me.” Aziraphale shivered a little as Crowley's palm swept down his arm, taking his hand, and supporting the limb. He placed it at his side, carefully rolling it a little to make sure he wasn’t going to hurt him on the next action. He lifted his arm, laying his forearm, palm upwards, across his lower back. Then, just as carefully, he placed a small block where the position lifted his shoulder to support it. “Is that comfortable for you Aziraphale? If you need to move, tell me, and I’ll bring your arm back to your side so you don’t twist it, okay?” The blonde head nodded. Crowley's long fingers went back to seeking along the edge of the now lifted shoulder blade. He found the place, working his fingers in, and Aziraphale could feel the difference in how deep the access was like this. He grunted a little as Crowley leaned more weight into him. “You good?”    
  
“Good.” He murmured. “Keep going, it feels very much needed.” Crowley zoned in on the knot, feeling a flutter in his chest when Aziraphale’s breathing quickened. “Keep going you’ve nearly got it.” He whimpered. Crowley was glad of his loose trousers when Aziraphale gasped as the pressure released, and let out a shuddering sigh. “Ooooooh.....oh thank you....that..... That’s the ticket.” Crowley tried to pull his short-circuited neural pathways back into some semblance of being a coherent professional. He eased his arm back to his side, removing the block. The beautiful man rolled his shoulder experimentally and looked up sideways, beaming. “That feels SO much better”    
  
“Hmmm. Nnnn’yeahhh. It might be a bit sore for a few days, but you should find you’ve got more of a range of movement with it than before. If it hurts later, bit of ibuprofen should see you right. Just don’t do anything too strenuous until it settles. You were holding a LOT of tension there. Weight of the world on your shoulders, eh?”   
  
“What?”   
  
“Oh, just there’s a lot of reasons people hold tension in different parts of their body. Not always physical reasons. Can be down to stress and... things........” He hesitated. Well, if you believe in that sort of thing. I work with a lot of different modalities, and I’m here for physio and sports massage today.”    
  
“The other...um.... modalities?”    
  
“I also work in more holistic therapies, ones that complement the sort of thing we’re doing here. But they’re not for everyone.” Aziraphale nodded. Remembered Gabriel had said he was a bit of a hippy. “So, um.... you okay for me to carry on? That's probably the worst bit done, although it probably will need follow up work to keep it at bay.”   
  
“More sessions?”   
  
“Obviously I can’t MAKE you have follow up sessions. But for acute cases, I would recommend at least three to five sessions over as many weeks to start getting you back on track. And some people will have weekly or monthly treatments, just to keep on top of problems before they get to BE problems.”   
  
“Ah, yes, Gabriel said he swears by his weekly massage.”    
  
“Your coach would like me to follow up with at least two more, then see how we go from there.... If that’s something you want, of course.”    
  
“Oh, yes, that would be MARVELOUS, dear boy. I feel so much more flexible already.” Crowley folded another blanket over his shoulders to keep them from cooling too fast, then carefully folded the first blanket down exposing the waistband of Aziraphale’s jogging bottoms. He took a deep breath, taking in the thick waist, the padded hips. He swallowed hard.    
  
“Is it okay if I just bring your waistband down to around...” He pressed a palm gently over the place where his spine met his pelvis. “Around here? It won’t expose anything; it just gives me access right down your spine.” Aziraphale gulped.    
  
“That would be lovely. I mean FINE. That would be fine, thank you.” Crowley tilted his head like a confused puppy. Well, THAT was interesting. He gently tugged at the joggers until they sat lower on his hips, exposing those beautiful dimples just above his.... oh his gorgeous plump behind. He clenched to stop his hands shaking. He adjusted the blanket around his buttocks and thighs again. He began smoothing the oil over the lower part of his back. When his hands swept low, Aziraphale sucked a his sof air through his teeth, the sound going right to Crowley's cock. He was horrified at how thin his veneer of professionalism was right now.    
  
“Does that hurt?” He asked, flailing for any other explanation of that delighted little gasp.    
  
“Ummm... yes, a little....um....” Crowley put more pressure into the heels of his hands, sweeping long, deep strokes upwards and outwards alongside his spine. He watched the anxious clench of the muscles smooth back out under his touch. Aziraphale groaned softly. Shifting his hips a little. Surely he couldn’t be.... no, he was a fool to even let himself think that. He was a client. He was suffering from his old injuries, and he was finding the massage relaxing and easing his pain. There COULDN’T be more to it than that. Even if there was, he had to act as if he didn’t think that. Maybe it was involuntary. He was probably embarrassed and trying to pretend it wasn’t happening. It happened sometimes, and unless the client behaved inappropriately, it was best to just ignore it and save them both the embarrassment. Bodies had minds of their own sometimes. Crowley worked around the left hip, working into the tension held there. When he was done with the lower back, he covered that area, and exposed the brushed cotton clad legs.    
  
“Still good there, Aziraphale? Just going to work your thighs, knees, calves and ankles. I’ll finish on your feet, if that’s okay?” I won’t go any higher than..” He laid a palm lightly on the back of his thighs, a comfortably safe distance down from his buttocks “here. Or if you want me to keep to the knees down, I can do that too.”    
  
“There is fine” came the drowsy voice.Crowley worked down the legs, carefully manipulating them to help release the mobility in his hips. Fuck, those thighs! They were like mighty oaks, strong, thick, warm. Crowley longed to bury his face in them. He shook his head hard to dismiss the mental image. A soft snore drifted down to him. He gently rearranged the blankets, making sure Aziraphale was covered and warm. He dimmed the light further before making his notes and rummaging through his folder for the exercises that should help Aziraphale work on his problem areas at home in between sessions. He was relieved he had fallen asleep. It usually meant things were moving in the right direction, and maybe he had misjudged that shaky little gasp. Maybe it HAD been a painful twinge after all. Maybe he was projecting his own attraction to the sportsman on the situation.    
  
Aziraphale’s breathing was deep, slow and even. His body needed this restful time to heal, Crowley knew. And he knew the treatment table was extremely comfortable. He slept on it himself sometimes, when he struggled with his insomnia. Crowley peeked around the edge of the blind. The team were still training hard, not in cool down yet, so he decided to give his client 15 minutes to make the most of his relaxed state. It would do him good.    
  
His paperwork finished, he sat back in the chair, watching the rise and fall of the angel breathing. and somehow, he felt utterly content. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the manipulation of the shoulder blade is something I've had myself during a sports massage I had for my painful shoulder. in fact, most of Aziraphales pain points match my own pain points. they all stem from when I broke a bone in my left foot.   
> I practice Reiki myself, and have often observed in people I treat, as I do in my own body, how a pain point migrates diagonally from joint to joint as your body experiences extra wear and tear as you hold yourself wrong to minimise the original pain.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale leaves his treatment, feeling relaxed and refreshed. 
> 
> Crowley has nightmares. 
> 
> CW. implied parental physical (not sexual) abuse.

“Aziraphale?” Came a gentle voice. A soft hand on his shoulder. “Time to rise and shine sleepyhead. How are you feeling?” 

  
“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmphh” 

  
“As good as that, eh? I’ve not lost my touch then.” The redhead crouched peering up into Aziraphale’s face where it peeked through the gap in the table. 

  
“OH! ….Oh I’m dreadfully sorry. Did I fall asleep, dear?”

  
“No need to apologise. If you felt relaxed enough to fall asleep, I’m doing my job right. How are you doing?”   
  
“I feel..... refreshed. You've worked wonders, dear boy.”   
  
“Are you ready to sit up?”   
  
“I think so...” Crowley helped support him as he rolled over, using a clipboard to shade his face so that the dim light wouldn’t dazzle him when he turned. He helped him stand, and Aziraphale stretched luxuriantly like a cat. “I feel ten years younger, you have magic fingers.” Crowley smiled and handed him his T shirt back.    
  
“Nice of you to say. Here, sit down, I’ll show you the treatment plan, and see if there’s anything else I can do to help.” Crowley poured some water from a jug. “Here, drink that. You will need to stay hydrated. I know you Rugby boys play hard and party hard, but moderation on the alcohol this evening.” Crowley rifled through the papers he’d prepared. I have some exercises for your homework. If you can try and do them at least once daily, that will help keep everything ticking over until our next appointment, next Saturday, if that works for you. Coach doesn’t want you back on the field until we’ve made some progress here. Same the following week. Then we’ll see how you are doing. Do you do any other forms of exercise?” 

“Eerrrrr.... no. I used to. I used to ride. Used to fence.... used to do a lot of things.” he sounded regretful. “and if I can’t play anymore.... then what?”    
  
“Now, hopefully we can get you sorted, and you’ll be able to carry on showing them out there. … What I would advise is that you’re doing a lot of strength work, but not flexibility work. So you have all these...um,” He swallowed. “big, strong muscles, but they don’t have enough give in them. That's why you are prone to sprains and tears. So, if you can work in, as well as the exercises I’ve given you, look at bringing in some other forms of exercise, that would help you. Yoga, Swimming, that sort of thing. I’ve made notes, and I'll bring a copy to.... I can email them to you?” his voice rose at the end, making it a question. A hope. Aziraphale wrote his email address down.    
  
“I....don’t know how to thank you....”   
  
“Best not.” he smiled fondly. Aziraphale melted just a little more “Just doing my job. You feeling better is reward enough.” Crowley stood and held out a hand to shake. “til next week then?” Aziraphale took his hand and swept him into a bear hug.    
  
“Thank you, Tony, thank you so much. I really appreciate you helping me.” Crowley felt weak at those strong arms squeezing him. The thick torso. The soft curls brushing his cheek. “I really am... very grateful.” He stepped back, throwing a beaming smile that lit up his blue grey eyes. “I’m looking forward to seeing you again already.” Crowley blushed.    
  
“I’m looking forward to it too. It was a pleasure to meet you. You can sit there until you feel recovered. Make sure you are grounded and not lightheaded before you leave. There's no rush.” he handed over a card. “My contact details are on this. If you have any issues crop up in the meantime, don’t hesitate to call me. Maybe check out the website, I work from a holistic treatment centre, there’s lots of classes and treatments. If you think you might want to try Yoga, we have classes most days. Lots of different time slots. So that’s worth thinking about to improve flexibility. Happy to extend a free taster session if you just want to see what it’s like.” Aziraphale took the card in his delicate hands, as the redhead began packing his equipment, refusing Aziraphale’s offers of help. When everything was back as it was when he arrived, he toed on his shoes and flung his jacket over his shoulders, covering those slender, beautiful arms and shoulders. He peeked out the window again, seeing that the team were on their cooling down routines. “okay, see you next weekend, Aziraphale.” he said brightly, taking up his bag and table and as breezily as he arrived he was gone.    


“Well!” said Aziraphale to himself. “THAT was certainly a THING!”    
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Long, pale fingers twisted in the silky bedsheets, as long limbs thrashed. The moonlight illuminated the lightly closed, flickering, long lashed eyelids. Thin lips parted with a pained hiss, his back arched. A despairing sob tore from his chest. And then the screams began.    
  
The light flicked on, and a small, dark haired imp of a person rushed in and grabbed for the flailing hands. Golden eyes stared unseeing into pale blue.    


“WAKE UP DIPSHIT!” The voice softened as the eyes searched , blank and frantic. “Sszzzhhhhhhhh.... it’z alright.... zzzjust a nightmare... you’re here. I’m here....I’ve got you.....” he went limp in their arms, shaking with panic. “got you, ztupid turd. You're okay........you with me yet?” Crowley nodded, still trembling.    
  
“Oh, Bee.....” The words didn’t form. Just the tears. Small fingers smoothed through his hair over and over, until the blind panic gave way to misery, and finally stillness. He swiped at his eyes, tried to muster a smile.   
  
“zstill not getting any better then?” He shook his head.    
  
“The same every time. The anger... the rage.... the..... the falling....”    
  
“I’ll never forgive her for what she did to me.” said Bee, coldly. “But I would deszztroy her for what she did to you.”    
  
“They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do...” quoted Crowley, an old habit. Bee gritted their teeth grimly, not letting him finish.    
  
“You DON’T, have her faultszz Crowley. Never let her get in your head. You are NOTHING like her. And neither am I. We are what we maade of ourszelvezzzz.”    
  
“Will you stay in with me tonight?” He asked in a small voice. He hadn’t asked for months. They'd thought therapy had been helping.    
  
“Of courzze. Can't leave my big brother fighting our demonzzz on hiszz own, can I? One condition though?”   
  
“Yeah, Bee?”   
  
“Put some fuckin pantzzz on. Your dick iszz out. I don’t need to zee that.” Crowley grabbed at a pillow to cover himself as he made for the bathroom    
  
“I need a piss, anyway. I’ll be right back.”   
  
Crowley tugged on a pair of comfortable pants, and to be safe, some joggies too. He looked his haunted face in the mirror. Here he was, in his late forties, with no one to comfort him in the night but his little sister. He thought of the Rugby player. His soft but strong body, his kind eyes. He reflected that those were arms you would feel safe in. He went to the laundry basket, where he had deposited the soft blankets after getting home. When he found the one from that treatment, he wrapped it around his shoulders, breathing in the scent of the spicy oils, and beneath that, the clean, faintly musky scent of the man's skin. It made him feel safe, somehow. He took it with him back to the bed, and Bee snuggled into his back like they had used to when they were children. Back on the thin, bare mattress in the cold, damp room. Struggling to stay warm. Between the press of their small body, radiating fierce protectiveness, and the scent of the fleece blanket, he finally slept more peacefully. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thank you SO much. I am overwhelmed by how much love this fic is getting.   
> I am enjoying writing it SO much. 
> 
> summary. 
> 
> Aziraphale decides to drop by Eden House with a thank you present.

Aziraphale anxiously tapped the card on his little desk. Flowers? No, not flowers. That would seem too much. a nice bottle of wine? But what if he was a health nut. He was clearly very fit and healthy. Who knows what indulgences he might deny himself to look that way. Chocolates were out, too. Besides, flowers or chocolates would be too overtly amorous, perhaps. He needed plausible deniability. Just a thank you gesture. Friendly.    
  
It was Wednesday. He would be shutting the shop early. Then he could be “just passing” Eden House, even if he didn’t often find himself that end of town. Drop in to say thank you. Try to figure out if he’d imagined that spark. Maybe that was just his manner. He seemed a bohemian sort, and they could always come across a little flirty even when they didn’t mean to.   
  
Perhaps a nice notebook. Surely everyone loved a nice notebook. And as someone who loved nice notebooks, he certainly had a lot he hadn’t been able to bring himself to use. No. Probably not. Just because he found them a lovely and thoughtful gift didn’t mean anyone else would. OH! His friend Tracy might have an idea, she had a little shop, and something there might be more his sort of thing. He had noticed he wore a collection of beaded gemstone bracelets. Something like that maybe. Feeling brighter, he set off down the road.    
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   


  
_**Madame Tracy’s Occult Emporium**_  
  
Read the faded purple sign over the narrow window, in swirling gold letters. The wooden windchime announced the door opening, and a colourfully dressed red-haired woman hurried out from the back room. Her face brightened when she looked up.  
  
“Aziraphale, DEAR! I’ve not seen you in weeks. How are you? How is your shoulder?”   


“Feeling a lot better, thank you. Gabriel insisted I see his physio and he worked WONDERS, let me tell you.”    
  
  
“Well isn’t that LOVELY, dear. It helps that he’s good looking too, doesn’t it.” Aziraphale's head snapped up.    
  
  
“What?!” 

  
  
“Just one of my hunches. You know me. Besides, you’re practically glowing. And... nevermind.” She trailed off, knowing that Aziraphale was on the fence about that sort of thing.  
  
  
“Nevermind what?”   
  
  
“Oh, well I was thinking about you yesterday. Wondered how you were, so I pulled a few cards. You have a major life change coming up, signs are good for romance, and for healing, so I just.... anyway I had a feeling you’d be in today. You know, my hunches. Now I know you’re not here just for a chat. If you were you would be here at the end of the day with a bottle of wine and a takeaway menu. You can’t fool me.”   
  
  
“I just wanted to get a little something for a thank you present for him. He works at a holistic centre, so I thought something here might be nice. He was wearing crystal bracelets” Madame Tracy pulled out a drawer behind her counter, containing lots of gemstone beads.    
  
  
“Well, how about we put together a custom one. I can make one up for you. For Gratitude, you could go with...” She pulled out a tray to stop the beads rolling around. “Amethyst. Lovely all round stone, Amethyst. Also good for peaceful sleep, good dreams and intuition.... Tigers eye. Lovely one that. For courage as well. Might get him to say how he feels if you’re lucky. Carnelian is good for energy and... for passion,” She winked dramatically, false eyelashes fluttering. Aziraphale blushed. “Rose quartz is good for compassion as well as love. The colours jar a little, so if we alternate them with onyx they won’t clash.” She started laying them in a row to show how they would look. “ And we’ve got little charms that I can add too.” She popped the lid on a little tray. “Have a look through those, see if any seem right.” He chose a coppery coloured feather. Thinking it would look pretty hanging from it. With practiced hands, Tracey strung the bracelet, finishing it off with a secure knot, which she hid in one of the beads. “THERE! How’s that dear?”    
  
  
“That’s lovely! The tigers eye reminds me of his eyes...” He murmured softly. Tracy smiled, setting it in a gift box. His eyes fell on a display of carved animals, in particular a carved amethyst snake with amber eyes. He picked it up, turning it around, eyeing the beautiful carving.    
  
  
“Ah, now the snake is a symbol of healing and transformation. Eternity. Revealing hidden knowledge. Very misunderstood, snakes.”    
  
  
“He e-mailed me my treatment notes. His email address was Serpent at Eden House. I’ll take this too, if that’s okay.” Suddenly he felt a lot more confident. I think he will like it.” Tracy popped in little cards with the meanings of the crystals, and stuck a little seal on the bag.    
  
  
“Bracelet is on the house dear. I want an invite to the wedding.” Aziraphale spluttered.    
  
  
“Wedding?! What wedding, we’ve only just met! I don’t even know if he... likes me like that. Or men at all. It's just a thank you.”    
  
  
“Beautiful carved piece like that is an expensive thank you. But he’s worth it. You wait and see.” With that she ushered him out the door, giving him a playful slap on the rump as he left.    
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
  
Aziraphale nervously got off the bus at the stop nearest Eden House. It was a street of tall, Victorian terraces. He tugged at his bow tie, before checking which direction the house numbers went in. Then he turned left, and set off. After a few hundred yards, there it was. An elegant building with a feeling of peace around it. He sighed. Shuffling from foot to foot trying to find the courage to go in. Five women came out of the shiny dark green door, laughing and chattering happily as they passed him. Aziraphale took a deep breath and caught the door before it closed fully. The entrance was welcoming, and soft music played. A dark-haired woman with glasses sat at a desk. Reading. She looked up when she noticed movement.    


  
“Hello, welcome to Eden House. I’m Anathema. Do you have an appointment?” she had intelligent eyes and a pleasant American accent.    
  
  
“Errr..... hello.... I.....” His confidence was starting to fade. “I um.... I saw Tony on Saturday.... for Physio. I was wondering if I could pass on a little thank you.” He held up the bag. “It... it really helped.”    
  
  
“Yeah, sure. He's in his studio. But he’s not got another class until later, so he’s free if you want to thank him yourself.” She indicated the corridor. If you follow that past the treatment rooms, it’s the door at the end. He won’t mind. If you can’t see him, look up.” Aziraphale found that rather cryptic. But nodded his thanks and convinced his feet to carry him there.    
  


  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  
Crowley swung slowly in the gentle hold of the silks. His eyes lightly closed. He pressed the soles of his feet together, widening his hips. Enjoying the delicious stretch through his spine. After his poor nights sleep the past few days, the meditative state of inverted suspension really helped soothe him. He had hoped that maybe, just maybe, the rugby player would get in touch. He was seeing his team mate, Gabriel for his weekly session tomorrow. Maybe he could ask after him there. I mean, that wouldn’t be breaching confidentiality. Gabriel had asked for him to treat Aziraphale. Still, it was mid-week. Saturday wasn’t THAT far away now. He couldn’t wait to see him again. Maybe he would e-mail him, check to see he was managing his exercises, see how his shoulder was doing. That wasn’t unprofessional. That was fine. Purely work-based. He didn't hear the studio door.    
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
  
  
Aziraphale found himself in a bright room, verdant with greenery. The rear wall was glass, looking out onto a peaceful garden. Looking around, the wall behind him was mirrored.  Six sets of long red ribbons hung down from the high ceiling, thick crash mats below. There was no sign of the beautiful redhead. Then he noticed that one set of ribbons swung slowly, and he remembered the advice to look up. He felt his heart leap in his chest. There, upside down, face utterly peaceful, was Crowley. He wore clinging black leggings and a vest similar to the one he had worn at the weekend, revealing how muscular and shapely his legs were. His feet were close to his narrow hips, soles pressed together, knees wide. His arms hung down loose, as did his hair, which was longer than he had thought. It had to reach his mid-back, were he upright. The tendrils were flashes of flame in the light through the glass. He started to back away, not wanting to disturb that scene of utter beauty and perfection. Then the eyes flashed open and were on him. A smile curled the thin lips. He, utterly gratuitously, in Aziraphale's eyes, stretched his legs out fully, toes pointed, and he slid down the silks, until his face was more at eye level.    
  
“Well.” He said. “What a pleasant surprise.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley tempts Aziraphale to a spot of lunch

Crowley heard a small noise. felt a sense of someone in his studio. Strange, he’d not noticed the sound of the door. Whoever it was must be light on their feet.    
  
He looked down, immediately meeting gorgeously stormy blue-grey eyes under white gold curls. That delightful upturned nose and just the slightest extra fold of skin under that soft chin. He carefully detangled his knees, shins and thighs from the silks and let himself slide down, stopping himself expertly when he reached eye level to the beautiful man in his studio. He smiled. He took a strange delight in his demeanour. Like a deer about to take flight. Tugging at the edge of his rather worn velvet waistcoat.    
  
“Well.” He said softly. his gaze flickering over those cherubic features, closer now than they had been before. “what a pleasant surprise.” Aziraphale blushed prettily, looking flustered.    
  
“I.... um.... I just got you a little present to say thank you. My shoulder feels SO much better now.” He longed to reach out and touch those deep red waves hanging down. “I was...um.... I was just passing, you see.  So I thought....” he held out the bag. Crowley continued to stare, unblinking and unnerving right into his eyes.    
  
“It didn’t give you any trouble?"    
  
” I hurt the first evening. but as you suggested, I had a few Ibuprofen. a big glass of water, and I went to bed. It's felt SO much better since.”   
  
“And have you been doing your homework,  Mr Fell. The exercises I gave you?”    
  
“Oh, yes, I’ve been doing them when I get up, and when I go to bed. I really DO want to make the most of your help, Tony,”   
  
“Crowley.”   
  
“I’m sorry, yes, Crowley. I trust your advice. I went for a swim after work yesterday too. I’m planning to go again on Friday.” One of Crowley's eyebrows arched. He really WAS taking on board his advice. Gathering the ribbons in front of him, he detangled his legs, stretching them wide, side to side, making Aziraphale gape in amazement. Then he rolled between the silks, until he was upright, and spun to face his visitor. His hair was a mess around his bare shoulders. Aziraphale so wanted to reach out and touch it. Crowley tugged a hairband from his wrist, bundling it into a messy bun, like before. Crowley glanced up at the clock.    
  
“ I’ve not got a class for a couple of hours now. Can I. ..... tempt you to a spot of lunch?” Aziraphale beamed. “You can tell me how you’ve been getting on.”    
  
“Oh....  oh that would be lovely, do you have anywhere in mind? I’m afraid I don’t know the area well. I was just passing and....”   
  
“Just passing?” Crowley said. Low and amused. His lip curling more. “Just passing but you don’t know the area?” Aziraphale grew redder. Crowley vowed to tease him more often.    
  
“OKAY, I wanted to come by and thank you in person.”    
  
“And I’m very glad you did. Do you like.....” He pondered. “Sushi?. I could go for some Sushi about now. There's a wonderful little place about five  minutes walk . My treat.”   
  
“ Oh , dear. no, I insist, you can’t possibly. I’m here to thank YOU! I WILL pay my way.”   
  
“Tell you what. How about I get this, and next week, YOU can buy lunch. How about that?” Crowley's heart was racing. He'd managed to agree one social meeting. He hoped this would get him to agree to another. “Or maybe Saturday. What about that? After rugby?” Aziraphale’s face brightened.    
  
“Oh, well, when you put it like that, that seems very fair.” Crowley grabbed a pashmina he’d discarded at the side of the studio, and pulled some loose trousers over his leggings. As they headed out together through the reception area, Anathema looked up meaningfully.    
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
It was an unassuming looking little place, when they got there. Aziraphale pondered that he wouldn’t have thought to even look at it in passing. A tiny Japanese lady who seemed in her mid 60s came out and hugged Crowley enthusiastically, talking rapidly. Aziraphale was delighted to hear the fluent chatter between the two of them, as she ushered them, smiling, into the best booth in the place. Aziraphale looked around for a menu.    
  
“Don’t worry about ordering. Everything is delicious, they’ll bring us a selection of the very best they have. Sumiko is amazing. I always just get a selection platter. She'll bring us what is best. Asahi?” Aziraphale nodded, and Crowley sloped to the counter to order drinks. Before long, they were brought their drinks and some miso soup. Crowley handed over the bag. “oh yes, my pressies!” He exclaimed delightedly. He opened the paper bag, and took out first, the smaller purple tissue wrapped bundle. Opening the box, his face split into a wide smile. “Oh, Aziraphale. It's lovely!” he slipped it straight on to his wrist. Fondly running his thumb over the beads.    
  
“There’s cards in there about all the different stones. My friend runs a spiritual shop. She recommended these stones, after I explained. She said they express gratitude”    
  
“And the little feather!... It’s so lovely. THANK you Aziraphale. This is lovely. I’m really very touched.” He looked back into the bag, carefully unwrapping the heavier, bulkier object. “Oh.......Aziraphale.... this is.... this is too much. You shouldn’t have. She's beautiful.”    
  
“Tracy said that snakes represent transformation and healing. It seemed right. And the eyes...” Aziraphale blushed again. Crowley leaned forwards and placed a gentle kiss to Aziraphale’s cheek. It was all he could do not to turn his lips to meet Crowley's. his mind raced with the thought of tangling his fingers in that long hair and crushing those thin lips with his own.    
  
Sumiko was back, two large trays in her hands, and she arranged them between them on the table, squeezing Crowley's cheek as she left. Aziraphale’s eyes widened at the selection before him.    
  
“Oh, Crowley....this looks incredible!”    
  
“Wait until you taste it.” Aziraphale deftly took up his chopsticks and selected a salmon roll, dabbing it in the soy sauce, and popping it in his mouth. His eyes fluttered closed and he moaned in pleasure. Crowley's mind went completely blank. What! The! Fuck! Noises like THAT belonged in the bedroom. He shifted awkwardly in his seat. He stared open mouthed as the angel chewed slowly and swallowed, before opening his eyes. Maybe lunch wasn’t a great idea after all.    
  
“You are absolutely right, my dear, this is absolutely EXQUISITE! Come on, eat up, no need to hold back on my account...” A wicked smile twitched the corner of his lip. “Here.” He said, taking up another roll, dipping it and holding out the chopsticks. “Let me...” Crowley, still trying to herd his brain cells back from his cock to his skull, obediently bent his head to the offered mouthful. Nodding happily as he ate. “Good?” Crowley nodded, pulling himself together as best he could. Now that HAD to be flirtation, surely. This was good. Things were going well. And he still had at least two more treatments with Aziraphale, and a promise of dinner afterwards on Saturday. He began to feel more confident that he liked him.    
  
“Yes, very.”   
  
“Your Japanese is most impressive. How did you come to learn?” He asked, continuing to carefully select different delicacies and popping them into his mouth. Crowley took up his own chopsticks and joined in.    
  
“Well, I lived over there for a few years. While my sister was away at Uni. They're a counsellor now. They also work out of Eden House. We have the flat upstairs. We’re very close.” Trauma bonding, said the unhelpful voice in his brain. “So, when they weren’t around, I was a bit of a lost puppy. So, I was watching a travel show, and I just went. It's an amazing place.”   
fell    
  
“yes, I’ve never been, but I’ve always rather wanted to. The food, the culture... the... the DIFFERENCE of the place, it seems like an incredible experience.”   
  
“It was, yes. I learned so much. Trained in Reiki while I was out there. It goes well with my physio work. That was where I first came across Aerial silks, and fell in love with it. Fell in love for the first time. Had my heart broken for the first time... Japan was an amazing part of my life.”   
  
“And how did you come to be a physio?” He asked gently. His eyes open. Honest. Interested.    
  
“I um ..... I had a bad  ….. accident. a fall...... when I was a child. Broke my hip and my back. They weren’t sure if I’d walk again. My Physio  ….. well they were my HERO. She helped keep my spirits up, and over time, I walked. I strengthened my supporting core muscles. I regained my flexibility, and now I’m as mobile as I ever could be. My life would have been very different without them.  So I decided to pursue it as a career. To help people like she did.”   
  
“Oh, that must have been AWFUL. You really are very brave. You've never let anything stop you, have you.” Crowley was a little anxious in his body language.    
  
“So, you! How did you come to play rugby? Forgive me for saying, but you don’t seem the type.” Aziraphale laughed heartily.   
  
“Well, that’s certainly true, dear. It's something I got into in school. I um.... my family are... rather well off, you see, so I attended a string of prestigious private schools. Oh, I don’t say that to brag, I wasn’t happy there. They were boarding schools. My family aren’t close. I am only really close to Gabriel. He’s my brother-in-law, believe it or not. I.... had a sister. He moved over here to be with her. She.... we lost her to breast cancer five years ago. He can be a bit of an arsehole, but he’s all I’ve got, now. Him and my  neices . My older brother.... we don’t get on. We haven’t spoken since my father died. He specifically told me I was not to attend the funeral, because....” he took a deep breath, glancing back up at Crowley. “because he felt my um... persuasion... brought shame on the family name. He told me if I went, he’d have me beaten up. And the friends he has, I don’t doubt his threat for one moment.” Crowley nodded slowly. it was a lot to take in. Both the sad story of his family life, and the leap of his heart when he mentioned his ‘persuasion’   
  
“I’m sorry to hear that. About your family.”   
  
“Yes, families can be very complicated.” He sighed mournfully. Crowley let out a harsh bark of laughter. He raised his beer as if in toast.    
  
“Here’s to fucked up family dynamics, and those of us that survived them!” Aziraphale smiled gently, raising his glass in agreement. “And the rugby?”    
  
“Yes, well that comes with the expensive education and few outlets for my frustration. I do find I’m quite different to the other men on the team, but I DO feel like I belong. They accept me for who I am. Oh, they tease me, but affectionately. it’s nice to have people around me who don’t care that I’m a bit um... awkward. Or that I’m gay. I’m one of the team, and that’s what matters to them. I..... I think that’s what I’ll miss most when I have to give it up. The camaraderie. The feeling of belonging. I don’t... really belong anywhere else.” his face was sad again. Crowley  realised now what it was that Aziraphale feared losing. It wasn’t just playing. It was his found family. He resolved to not only make sure Aziraphale could play, but to also to make sure he never felt uncared for again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all SO MUCH for all the love, comments, kudos and subscribers this fic is getting.   
> I'm so glad you're enjoying reading it as much as I'm loving writing it. 
> 
> I have to admit to some considerable fangirling at seeing so many authors I enjoy are enjoying my work too.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW. childhood neglect and violent abuse. swearing at children. 
> 
> Crowleys recurring dream of the incident that got him and Bee taken into care. 
> 
> if you'd prefer not to read, non graphic summary at the end.

Tony curled closer around his sister. She was cold. He wrapped his coat around her, shivering himself. Focusing on the pattern on the grubby, bare mattress. There were springs digging into his hips. Bea was three years old, and the only person he cared about anymore. Her enormous bright blue eyes, her adorable fuzzy lisp. And Bea looked up to him. He was the only one that could calm her when she cried. He would go hungry for her to eat, and often did.    
  
Mum had been drinking again, and after her bout of shouting and breaking things, she had stormed out. Leaving nine-year-old Tony and three-year-old Beatrice alone in the bedsit. When he was sure she had left, he tiptoed to the kitchenette, and, despite knowing she wasn’t there to hit him for “stealing” food, he still stayed as quiet and inconspicuous as he could. He dug into the back of the cupboard, looking for something his Mum wouldn’t notice missing. He found a sachet of powdered soup down the back of the tins, and made it up following the instructions.    
  
He went to the bread bin, and found there were four stale slices left, including the crust ends. That wasn’t enough. She would know if he took one. If the loaf was newer, sometimes he would get away with taking one slice and fluffing the rest of the loaf to make it look like nothing was gone. But there was no way he could take a slice. She would know. His hollow stomach rumbled. Bea started to cry. He watered down the soup with cold water from the tap and took a spoon, offering it to her after checking the temperature.    
  
“Come on Bumblebee. Here comes the  aeroplane .” Blue eyes locked on his. He tapped the spoon against her little rosebud mouth. She went to wail again, and he popped the little spoon in. Grabbing at his hands with her soft little fingers, hungrily she sucked at the spoon as he continued to feed her. He couldn’t risk letting her have the spoon, and spill the soup. He didn’t know if there was time to wash her clothes if she spilled some. When she was full, he let himself finish up the rest, carefully washing and putting away the pan and the spoon, hiding the sachet in his coat pocket so he could dispose of it in one of the bins at school, where Mum wouldn’t find it. Beatrice hugged close to him, tangling her little fingers in his dirty hair. “There’s my little Bumblebee. I’ll get us out of here. Somehow. I’ll make it better.”   
  
  
  
Tony was 12 before he managed to get them away from their mum. Bea was six. It was her birthday. Mum hadn’t come home in two days, so he had even dared to open a tin of beans for them to have on toast together. He’d made her a board game for a present on the card from an empty cereal packet, and they played together for a while. Instead of a dice, he had cut out square cards with numbers to pick out of an old box. Then something in him snapped. This was wrong. He emptied out their schoolbags and started packing a few things. Even took some of the food from the cupboards. He was determined that when SHE came back, they wouldn’t be there. She had started escalating in her aggression towards little Bea. He couldn’t risk it. He could cope with her hitting him, but not his sister. He shook her awake.    
  
“BEA!” he whispered urgently, waking her. “Come on, we’re getting out of here.” He didn’t really have a plan. He had considered going to the school, but they might send them back. They had raised concerns about how thin he was before, but Mum had pointed out that so was Beatrice and so was she. All of her family were slight of build, she’d said. They'd believed her. And she always made sure to hit him where the bruises wouldn’t show. She often complained that he was a liar. A bad child. He cheated and stole and lied. Tony felt sure the teachers believed her. They would send them back home again. But sometimes, on the way home from school, his friends would stop at the bakery, for sausage rolls or cakes. There was a nice lady there, who had noticed he never bought anything like the other boys did, and the past few times she’d given him a sticky bun or sausage roll or a bacon turnover. He remembered how he’d frantically cleared up the pastry flakes from their mattress afterwards. And how delicious the salty sausage meat and greasy pastry had been. Still warm. He'd always sneaked them home to share with his sister. She seemed lovely. If he went there, she would help them, maybe. If nothing else, she might give them something to eat while he came up with another plan. The plan that would get them free. Looking around the flat, he  realised how little they had to call their own. He took a photo from the photo album. He knew Mum never bothered to look at it. The photo was of six-year-old him holding newborn Beatrice, beaming with love and pride. He'd sworn to keep her safe. It was beyond time to make good on that promise. They began heading down the concrete staircase of the block of flats, hushed and hopeful.    
  
And this was where everything in the dream went to shit.    
  
As they rounded the corner on the landing, they found themselves face to face with her. She wasn’t even drunk. Not really. The money must have run out. The clarity in her eyes was terrifying. Because in that moment, Tony knew that it wasn’t just her drunkenness that made her cruel. She struck him hard across the cheek. Then she turned to Beatrice, who cowered into the corner sobbing.    
  
“You little SLUT!” She hissed. Low and threatening. Her hands balling into tight fists. Tony launched himself at her back, trying to drag her away from his sister. She slammed her back into the wall until he released and fell to the concrete. She turned and kicked him hard in the ribs. “Don’t you DARE interfere, you nasty little CUNT!” She snarled. “How DARE YOU!” As she went back to hit Bea, he tried, once again to intervene. She punched him hard in the jaw, and he lost his footing. Tumbling down the next flight of concrete stairs, to the next landing. Screaming, Bea ran to him, helping him to his feet. He was in a lot of pain, but not broken, as far as he could tell. The monstrous woman charged down after them, pinning him against the wall, her hands around his skinny throat, choking him until his vision started to fade at the edges. A creeping shadow. He could hear some of the doors opening. Maybe they would be okay. The police would come. There were witnesses. He heard  neighbours shouting as they got closer. Mum spun him, slamming him into the handrail.    
  
Then he was falling.    
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Crowley screamed himself awake, thrashing like a wounded animal. His heart raced. His throat felt raw from screaming. And there was Bee, stroking his hair again, hushing him gently as he wept helplessly. Her black cat paced in after her, hopping onto the bed and head bumping him in the chest. Crowley stroked her gently.    
  
“I’m alright. you daft little bug!” He said fondly.    
  
“Her NAME, Izz Geraldine, and you know it.”    
  
“Yeah, she’s a big hairy bug, that’s what she is.”    
  
“You can’t pretend you don’t love her”. Bee insisted as the cat delightedly rubbed her cheeks against Crowley's nose repeatedly.   
  
“YOU’RE a bug!” Bee grinned.   
  
“Yeah, and YOU’RE a dipshit. I  zzstill love you. You know that?” Crowley pulled the fleece blanket around his shoulders again. It was smelling less of Aziraphale now, but still enough to be comforting. And tomorrow was Saturday. He needed his beauty sleep. His thumb slid repetitively over the beads of his bracelet, and he turned his bedside lamp to illuminate the beautiful carved snake. How had Aziraphale known snakes were special to him? When the opportunity came up, he must show the snake that coiled up his spine in tattoo form. Maybe even tell him how he had used it to hide his surgery scars. Healing and transformation, he had said. New beginnings. He hadn’t remarked on the small black serpent in front of his right ear, but it was often hidden by his hair. He definitely wouldn’t have noticed it at their first treatment. Bee wrapped herself around his back, automatically, stroking their fingers through his hair. With a sigh, he let sleep take him again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowleys Mum didn't feed them much.  
> sometimes she was gone for days.  
> On Bees Sixth birthday, 12 year old Crowley decided to take Bee and run away before she came back.  
> unfortunately, she came back as they were running away, and tried to hurt Bee. Crowley tried to fight back, and she partially strangled him, before knocking him over the handrail, causing him to fall down the concrete stairwell the remainder of the way. neighbours had heard the shouting and witnessed the attack.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley arrives for Aziraphales next session. 
> 
> things get....interesting....

Saturday morning came, blue skied and with a light, gentle breeze. The bathroom was filled with aromatic steam, and a rich, smooth voice sang along with opera piece on the radio. It was an amateur voice, but a pleasing one, and the acoustics of the bathroom pleased the singer. He stepped out of the shower, tugging on a fluffy bathrobe and drying his white blond hair with a towel. At the counter, he wiped the mirror clear of condensation, and speculatively eyed the selection of bottles and jars in front of him, like a chef choosing fresh produce at a marketplace. He felt his smooth cheeks, courtesy of yesterday's hot shave. Part of his regular grooming routine, along with his manicure. He liked to always go into the weekend looking his best. Satisfied with his smoothness, he took an exfoliating wash, massaging it over his soft features, before wiping it away with a hot towel. He spritzed with his favourite rosewater and lavender water blend, to which he always added a little mint and lime, for a clean, fresh scent, and to ensure all of the cleanser was removed. Then he selected his favouritemoisturiser, massaging it gently until it sunk in, breathing in that sharp, uplifting neroli and frankincense scent he loved. He had a rose quartz skin roller that Tracy had given him for Christmas, knowing he loved his pampering, and after peering critically at the little creases around his eyes, he smoothed it over the areas that were a little puffy to cool them.    
  
He brushed his teeth again. Flossed again. Used mouthwash again. Used breath spray. Chastised himself for his vain hope that he might be brave enough to kiss him today. He was a professional, he shouldn’t be mooning after him like a schoolgirl with a crush. What did he even think was going to happen? He hadn’t said anything when he clumsily dropped into the conversation that he was gay. And why did he even do that. It's not like it wasn’t obvious, was it? But he hadn’t responded. Maybe he WAS straight. He didn’t SEEM it. Bi maybe. But even if he was, why would such a beautiful creature be attracted to him? He couldn’t possibly be his type, even if he was into men. No, this was surely just a friendship. And if that’s all there was, he would cling to it. He was so fascinating, so clever, had clearly lived a challenging and interesting life. He wanted to know more. He wanted to hear everything. All of his stories, all of his adventures. All of his cares and dreams and worries. He wanted to watch as he spoke animatedly, near hopping in his seat and gesticulating excitedly.    
  
Aziraphale was gone.    
  
Of course, it wouldn’t do to be too formal. He would probably be expected to take his top off again. He blushed at the thought that Crowley had seen his naked torso. His chubby bits. So he chose a neat, short sleeved, button collared shirt, and some loose linen trousers. He spritzed himself with his favourite cologne, and tried to give himself a pep talk.    
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Crowley had arrived at the clubhouse early this time. He was bone tired. He'd set up the massage table and sat himself at the small table, rereading through his notes. His thumb tracing over and over the beads of the bracelet to calm himself. He was only booked for one more treatment for Fell. Maybe more, but he felt it might be best to let him go as a client. It was very unprofessional to be so smitten with him. But he could give advice and help as a friend. And that HAD been flirting, hadn’t it? It had to be. He was feeding him sushi rolls, a sly smile on his pink lips, and a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. He'd stick out the next treatment, then tell him how he felt. For now, he was Anthony J. Crowley. Physiotherapist. A flesh mechanic. And Aziraphale Fell was a soul riding in a meat machine, and his job was to help tune up that machine to its full potential, and NOT to obsess over those eyes. That soft hair. Those lips. That darling tilt to his nose, his strong, soft body. His... thighs. Fuck.

He just had to keep it together. Two more sessions. Then he could advise that he was getting too involved. And then what? What if he didn’t actually like him like that. He was probably oblivious to how damn gorgeous he is. He probably didn’t realise he was acting in a way that could seem flirtatious. He was prim. Polite. Fastidious. He didn’t seem to be the sort that navigated social situations with ease. And then if he wasn’t interested, would he be able to give up seeing him? Having reasons to see him?   
  
There was a soft knock at the door.    
  
“Hello, Crowley? They said you were here already, may I come in?” The door opened and Aziraphale’s breath caught in his throat. Crowley had his hair tied higher on his crown than before, pulled back from his hairline to expose his temples, his remarkable sharp cheekbones. Was that a... yes, that was a tattoo in front of his ear. A little black snake. The hair beneath fell loose down his back. Aziraphale’s mouth hung open. The Golden eyes met his, and raked hungrily over his carefully chosen clothes. “You look....... Wow.....” He breathed softly. Crowley's long fingers fluttered, as he gestured him into the room. Aziraphale reached out one immaculate hand and placed it on Crowley's forearm, as he entered. Crowley's skin felt electrified.    
  
”Aziraphale..” He sighed. His tongue felt too thick for his mouth. His words wouldn’t form. Those stormy blue grey eyes met his again.    
  
“My dear.” He said softly. “Is everything alright? You look exhausted.” And then the tears began to flow. Aziraphale pulled him against his broad chest, holding him close as he sobbed helplessly.   
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Finally the tears subsided. Aziraphale didn’t press. Didn't push. Just held him. Quiet. Solid. Reassuring. No judgement. No prying. And Crowley realised how much he had needed to release his tears gave him. He looked back up, his bottom lip wobbling, and his eyes red rimmed and the gold of the irises shining even brighter than ever. Aziraphale cupped his jaw in his soft, soft palm. His thumb stroking softly over Crowley's lip. Aziraphale’s eyes were soft with limitless compassion. The light behind him making his pale as cream blond hair glow like a halo. Like an angel. SO like an Angel.    
  
With a whimper, Crowley surged forwards, claiming that soft pout with his lips. Aziraphale stiffened, a small noise of his surprise filling Crowley's eager mouth. Then those soft, greedy hands were everywhere. Coiling into his flaming hair, sliding around his narrow waist, his soft chest melting against him. Pulling him tight against his warm, sturdy body. Crowley gasped desperately, reaching to grasp at one of those incredible thighs, tearing a low growl from the angel's chest. Rumbling into the kiss. The kiss deepened, sharpened, Crowley felt the wall at his back, those hands sliding down to hook his thighs over those sublime hips. Crowley flung his head back in rapture, and Aziraphale trailed wet, hungry kisses down his throat. And was that......? Yes, there was no doubting the nature of his desire for him, with THAT pressing into his thigh. Fuck it felt enormous. So hot and so hard. Crowley groaned desperately, canting his hips for more friction. Aziraphale pressed his tongue to the seam of Crowley's thin lips and he eagerly surrendered, opening for him. Fuck he was so strong. SO strong. The rasp of their tongues and teeth. Together. The TASTE of him. Sweet and addictive. Aziraphale began to thrust against him a delicious grind of their bodies where they touched. Crowley shuddered, whimpering needily. The angel's deft fingers tugged at his loose trousers sliding inside to palm at his painfully hard cock. He cried out desperately, nipping at Aziraphale’s soft soft lower lip. His angel lifted his thighs higher, so his divinely thick cock rubbed between his buttocks, making him gasp and tremble. A low whine building in his chest. Aziraphale’s hips moved faster now, his breath coming in harsh gasps and soft, moaning grunts, hot and harsh in Crowley's ear. His hand expertly stroking him. He was so close now. So close. With a small Cry, Aziraphale stilled, his shoulders slumping as a last few uneven, jolting thrusts passed through him. With an incredible rolling action of his wrist, he brought Crowley over the edge, moaning shakily.    
  
“Fuuuuuuuuuuck!” Crowley sighed. “We..... we.... need to.....talk about where we’re going with this, Angel.”    
  
“Angel?” He asked, raising one delighted eyebrow. Crowley smiled, kissing him softly.    
  
“Because I don’t think this is a professional practitioner client relationship anymore.” 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley starts to open up about his past.   
> some of his past. 
> 
> he tells Aziraphale what happened after his "accident"
> 
> CW. drug use. prostitution.

When their breathing evened out, Crowley faced the wall dropping his trousers to remove his sticky pants. Aziraphale couldn’t help but gaze awestruck at that beautifully rounded, perky backside. Damn, he wanted to bury his face between those buttocks. He didn’t know if he was disappointed or relieved to see them disappear back beneath his harem trousers. he looked down awkwardly at the dark stain on the front of his tan linen trousers. Crowley noticed his discomfort. He rummaged in his bag, pulling out a dark green pair similar to the ones he wore.    
  
“These are one size. Elasticated. They’ll fit you. Can't go out to eat looking like that.” He had a playful sparkle in his tired eyes. Aziraphale turned right into the corner to change, and Crowley couldn’t resist sneaking a peek. His buttocks and thighs were pale and milky and so smooth looking. Every bit as beautiful and ethereal as he’d imagined. As if he were a teenager again, he felt another sudden rush of arousal. Dammit. The Angel had no idea how beautiful he was. No idea at all.    
  
“I think..... I think I can’t keep seeing you as a client. I want you too much. Oh, I will carry on helping you, of course. But I can’t, ethically, charge you for my services, it’s um.... unprofessional.”

“Shall we go early for dinner? Talk about it?”    
  
“Tell me, Aziraphale. Are we dating?”    
  
“I.... I think we are. I wasn’t sure, on Wednesday, if you would have seen it as a date, but I.... I hoped you would.... I want to know you. I want to know everything about you. Every inch of you. Every hope, every dream.... and if you feel up to it, we can go for dinner. Under the circumstances, with you so tired, I think maybe we should just go to the pub. The one we go to after practice. It's just a short walk, and the food really is quite good. My treat, as we agreed.”   
  
“Okay. There’s.... there’s a lot.... I need to get out in the open before we get in any deeper.”   
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   


  
Aziraphale came back from the bar carrying two pint glasses, careful that they not spill. A local cider it turned out both of them rather favoured. He had two menus tucked under his arm, and handed one to Crowley. Then he dug in his pocket and pulled out bags of peanuts and pork scratching.    
  
“You may, of course, have a full three courses. Order whatever you want, it’s on me.” 

  
“I’m um...... not ….. I’m not much of an eater.” He confessed as if it were a crime. “Never had much food when I was growing up, and … I get full really easily. If I eat too much, I feel sick.”    
  
“Oh..... I’m sorry to hear that. It sounds very hard on you.”   
  
“Of course, you must order as many courses as you like. I’ll just have what I can manage. If we’re doing this, my appetite is pretty meagre. And I wouldn’t want you to feel you have to pace yourself to me. You are an athlete. You need more fuel.” Aziraphale's face fell a little. Then brightened again.    
  
“Well, as it probably hasn’t escaped your notice, I am VERY fond of food. So even if you think you won’t manage something, I will help you with anything left over.” That raised a little smile.    
  
“Aziraphale.” Crowley's voice was deadly serious now. “After... me breaking down earlier, I feel I have to tell you more of my story. It's..... it’s not a nice story. And this is still the abridged version, for now. But this is the part of it that I need to share with you before we... get in any deeper. And in time, maybe I can share the rest. But it’s..... it’s bad. This is what I need you to know about before you choose to …. go further.” Aziraphale shifted uncomfortably.    
  
“Crowley.... I care very deeply about you....whatever you share with me, that won’t change.” The golden eyes were wary. He took a deep breath.    
  
“After my accident, my sister and I were both taken into care. Separately for a while, during my physio. I missed her so much. She was... EVERYTHING to me. My little Bumblebee. The physio was successful, but I was still in a lot of pain. I..... I became addicted to painkillers. I was 14 and an addict. By 16, I was walking but I....” He covered his eyes with his long, artistic fingers, not wanting to see his expression as he told his story. “Before I say anything else, I’m clean, thank fuck. I haven’t had a partner in six years. I was a bit promiscuous then. And then I realised it got me nowhere, and there’s been no one since, and I’ve tested clean. Maybe the first stroke of luck in my stupid fucking life. But anyway.... I was 16. I didn’t have my sister anymore. I.... was on the streets. And.... and I was an addict. I... did a lot of stupid things. I shared needles. I …. I sold myself. Anything to stay alive and numb, out there. I was used to being cold. I was used to being hungry. That was the easy part.    
  
when I was coming up for 18 I realised if I ever wanted Bee back in my life I had to change. maybe if I did right, I could get custody. My physio, the woman that changed my life. She ran a retreat in Tadfield. I hitched back there from London. She barely recognised me by the time I got there. I was a wreck. She helped me get clean. She helped me finish my education and train as a physio.  She helped me get my baby sister, my only family, back.   
  
But there you have it.    
  
I was a junkie. I was a whore. I was a slut. I am, in no way I can begin to describe, worthy of you. I’m a fucking train wreck, Aziraphale. Those are the easy parts to talk about. I’m damaged goods, through and through. I live with my baby sister, and nearly every night she has to comfort me when I wake up screaming.    
  
I just..... I just need you to know that, before you get more involved. I... I really like you. I really hope we’ve got something. But I’ll understand if you aren’t ready to deal with all that shit. It's my baggage. Mine to carry.”   
  
Soft fingers closed over his, as he watched the teardrops pooling on the dark wood of the pub table.   
  
“Oh, darling. I’m so so sorry for all you’ve suffered. But whatever you fear, not one word of it changes how I feel about you.” Aziraphale slid round to the same side of the table in the little corner booth and folded his arms around the beautiful redhead. “I am enchanted by you, my dear. I want to know your stories. Every high point. Every low. I want to congratulate your triumphs and commiserate on your sorrows, and help you heal, dear one. We both have sorrows in our past, not that mine compare to yours, but....” Crowley kissed him again. Hungry and eager. Folding himself into Aziraphale's lap. A polite cough interrupted them before things got any further, and Aziraphale ordered a selection of tapas, so Crowley could eat as much or as little as he felt able, without embarrassment. He could always order extra dishes as they went.    
  
Crowley had laid himself bare.    
He had laid his dirty, sordid past bare on the rocks.    
He had flayed himself before the Angel.    
And the angel had not judged him. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Tracy catch up. 
> 
> Bee remembers the events after Crowleys fall.

Tracy shuffled the worn cards with an ease that came of long experience. It came as easily as brushing her teeth. She cut the deck and began laying out a spread of two lines coming into one. The top row was Aziraphale. His cards showed a lonely life leading up to now. A feeling of not belonging. The Hierophant and the Hermit always seemed to come up in his readings often the Hanged Man too. A being trapped and unable to progress. An overbearing sense of traditions. Hiding away. Being alone. She began to lay out the second row, for his new friend. Her hands began to shake at the cards that fell. The three of swords. Showing the heart pierced through. The five of pentacles. Poverty. Going without. The tower. Destruction. Falling. Catastrophe. She drew more, trying to find a silver lining for the poor dear somewhere. The ten and the nine of swords. So many swords. So much pain and fear and suffering. Temperence in reverse. Addiction issues. But... the previous reading before Aziraphale came to the shop last time, the reading had been so strong and positive about the person coming into his life. That this was a good thing. Another sword card. The six. Showing two huddled people being rowed in a boat filled with swords. Ah. So, he had been able to get away from the problems of his past. Somehow. The Sun. An innocent child on a pony in a beautiful, safe garden. Things did get better then. She caught a flash of white gold curls through her small window, and hurriedly gathered up the cards, and her turbulent feelings.    
  
“AZIRAPHALE, DEAR!” She exclaimed loudly, holding her arms out for a hug. Aziraphale really did give the best hugs. Sensing a change in his energy she looked him up and down. “Oh, you SLY DOG!”    
  
“MADAM!” he chastised fondly. “what are you implying?!”    
  
“You’ve not been hanging around, have you! No playing hard to get for you, eh? was it good? Is he hung?”   
  
“TRACY!” He was aghast. Then a flush raced up his cheeks. A little smirk twitched his lips. “We haven’t even....”    
  
“You may not have even, young man, but you HAVE been up to something. You've been getting your jollies somehow.” He blushed deeper. “How did your appointment, or should I say DATE go?”    
  
“We um.... we ….. kissed.” Tracys heavily made up eyebrow raised cynically.    
  
“Is that what you’re calling it these days...”    
  
“We kissed and we... touched. A bit.”    
  
“Look, dear, I know I said he’s great, and none of that is wrong, but I just think you need to tread carefully. I read a bit more on him. He's got... he’s got a past I wish I hadn’t seen, to be honest.”    
  
“Yes.” Aziraphale said almost coldly. He sounded annoyed that she’d been prying. “Yes, he has. We talked.... He’s such a strong person, Tracy. He's been through so much.”   
  
“Did he like the presents” Aziraphale smiled again.    
  
“Yes, very much. When I went to drop them off, we went for Sushi. He kissed me on the cheek. He's had such an interesting life. Parts of it are heartbreaking, they really are. He won’t explicitly say what happened with his family, but it sounds like him and his sister were quite neglected. And he was taken into care after his accident. And everything that happened after that.... it’s not my story to tell, but my GOD, Tracy. The thought of any child going through what he did. And that’s the parts he felt able to tell me... He says there’s more, but he isn’t ready to tell me. But he assured me he had told me everything relating to um... his physical health where a relationship is concerned.” Tracy glanced up at the shop clock. Eyed his leather bag. Smiling.    
  
“So. Which takeaway are you fancying tonight, dear?”   
  
“I was thinking Indian. How about Goan? I could murder a Xitti Kodi.” Tracey smiled warmly before pulling out some wine glasses and crockery and reaching for the menu Aziraphale waved in front of her.   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Aziraphale woke under a tie dye throw on the comfy chair. There was a note on the table in a scrawled, wine drunk hand announcing that Tracy was going to bed. He stretched, rolling his ankles, knees and hips so they clicked satisfyingly. His back was rather stiff, after falling asleep drunk in a chair. They had chatted late into the night, putting the world to rights.    
  
Tracy came down the stairs into the shop, holding her hand up in a demand for quiet. Tracy was NOT good with hangovers. She tidied away the mess from their meal, and Aziraphale put the kettle on in the little back room kitchenette. She wouldn’t be bearable company until she had a good strong cup of tea inside her. So, the two of them moved around each other with the long-practiced ease of an old married couple. Knowing each other's flaws, knowing each other's annoyances. And just aiming to get back to a semblance of them being functional human beings again.    
  
Aziraphale went into the cupboard and removed the teapot. A pair of cups with their saucers. All of Tracy's cups and saucers were Tasseomancy themed, apart from, ironically enough, the chintzy floral ones she had inherited from her mother that she actually USED to read peoples tea leaves. She had learned with them. She had always used them. And they worked. As she said. Aziraphale was still undecided on such things, but he was always open to the possibility. And she HAD been right about Crowley so far.    
  
When the tea was brewed and poured, they sat in a companionable silence until the world became less jarring.    
  


  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   


  
Bee made themselves a cup of strong coffee, their usual start to the day, and made their way to the communal room. When they’d bought the building, they took the top floors two flats for themselves. But it was too separate. So, they had knocked through the dining rooms into one large room, joining the two flats. They each had their kitchens, their living rooms. Bathrooms. Bedrooms. But the large rear room was where they often spent their time together. The communal room looked out over the gardens, and had a balcony that ran the back of the building. Bee pulled on their dressing gown, stretched, reached for their diary and client notes for the day and went out to the balcony. Sitting themselves at the little bistro table as they planned their day.    
  
Crowley had his yoga mat out on the balcony too, as he always did if the weather permitted. They sat and watched fondly as he ran through his sun salutations, eyes softly closed, focused. Calm. Yoga had been SO good for their brother. They had their routines, and the routines fit together nicely. When Crowley was done, which they guessed was about 20 minutes from now, he would go to meditate in his altar room, and they would make some breakfast. When he was done, they would share breakfast, back out on the balcony if the waveringly sunny day held, and then head down to work. Crowley had two physio appointments this morning, then in the afternoon, two silks, two yoga. Bee was glad that Crowley's career had taken him in the direction of things that helped HIS stress levels too. Crowley had been like a father to them when they were little. Their memory was patchy of the time before they went into care. They remembered very little of their mother, really, apart from that night. They mostly remembered loving their brother deeply, and how selflessly he cared for them. They remembered seeing him in hospital with her foster family several times a week. He was in a terrible state. Remembering it made Bee want to cry. It had been harder for Tony. He had tried to shield them from the worst of their mother's treatment.    
  
They remembered him finally being able to get out of bed and shuffle painfully over to give them a hug. How happy they both had been. Then.... well then, some time not long after, he had gone missing. And Bee was devastated. The Youngs were always kind to them. So kind. They were a lovely, if rather old-fashioned couple. They had tried so hard to make Bee feel better. But with her brother gone, they had no one. And was too young to understand. It was nearly two years later that they overheard the Youngs talking on the phone. They sounded agitated. Half buried memories still made them cower at raised voices. So Bee climbed out the window to the garden, and hid in a tree. Bee was 11. Nearly 12. 

  
The following day, The Youngs took Bee to a wellness retreat in Tadfield. There at the door was a woman they recognised from the time at the hospital. She used to help Tony with his special exercises. She had dark skin. Dark hair and eyes, and a lively demeanor. But she looked tired and worried. She showed them to a waiting room where there were toys Bee found far too babyish to play with. Arthur Young tried to keep her distracted with books and magazines while Deirdre went with the woman to talk. The time passed slowly. Bee was bored and agitated by the time the two of them came back into the room. Arthur Young looked relieved. He loved children, but struggled to relate to them. The woman, Mary, had a light chat with them while the Youngs spoke in hushed voices in the corner of the room.    
  
Then Bee and the Youngs were invited into one of the little offices.    
  
  
And there he was. His hair was long and tangled. A fiery blood burgundy scruffy beard partly hiding his face. He was gaunt and grubby. His eyes dull and sunken and wary. His clothes were filthy. He smelled bad.    
  
When he looked up, everything changed. Life surged in his eyes and he flung himself from the chair, throwing his arms around little Bee. He was sobbing. Bee cried too, but couldn’t understand why, when they were so happy.    
  
“My little Bumblebee!” he croaked. “I’ve missed you!” a faint golden light returning to his pretty eyes. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A working day at Eden House.   
> an invitation.

It had been a fairly busy day at Eden House. Crowley was in a good mood, having finished his second silks class of the day. Half an hour downtime, and one of his  favourite classes of the week. Monday evenings twilight yoga. He hooked up the silks and dragged the crash mats to the cupboard. He switched on the  fairylights in the studio. He dimmed the lights, positioned the yoga mats, and sat looking out into the gardens. This was always a very peaceful class, and a nice way to round off the start of another working week. Bee came in, two cups of coffee in hand, and sat quietly beside him, handing one over. He nodded in thanks, and watched the bats flitting outside. Some evenings he liked to cocoon himself in his silks, higher up, so he could watch them swoop and dive and imagine what it must be like.    
  
“How was today?” He asked softly.    
  
“Bit of a rough one. Poor kid.  Ssztill not ready to talk about it.  Juzzt .... hard,  y’know . But you can’t  forcze it.  Juzzt hope we reach a breakthrough soon. Can't help them much until they’re ready to be helped. All I can do  isz keep reassuring them until they are ready. Help them feel safe enough to  szztart the  procezz .” Crowley nodded. Bee was one of the best childhood trauma counsellors there was. They had both rebuilt themselves from the wreckage of their upbringing into the kind of people they had needed in their lives. When they had both finished their coffee, Bee went to get changed to join in on the class. Anathema would be joining them too, once everyone who had booked had arrived.    
  
"I’m afraid I’m a little early, is it okay to wait in the studio?” Asked a familiar voice from the doorway.    
“Aziraphale! LOVELY to see you. You decided to come and join us?”   
  
“I looked up what classes were on today to see if I would have a chance to see you after work. I saw that this was a bit of a later one, and decided on the off chance to see if I could book in to join you.”    
  
“You could do with it.” Crowley said, his darling little half smile quirking his lips. “Stiff back?”   
  
“Yes, it is rather. How could you tell?”    
  
“Your posture, of course. Let me show you something.” He placed his hand gently on Aziraphale’s lower back, the warmth of his touch radiating through the T shirt. “See, here you dip your spine. You didn’t do that last time. So, I can see that your lower back is sore. And this isn’t helping it.  So lets get you started with some yoga, eh? Think of this as a trick in your pain toolbox. Have you heard of  Tadasana ? Mountain pose?” Aziraphale shook his head. “Okay, because that’s a good way to relieve this a bit. If you just put your feet hip width apart ..... No, your hips aren’t that wide. Everyone overestimates their hips.” He gently nudged his foot with his own until the distance was about right. “Now, you need to unlock your knees. Keep your knees soft.  So there is a very slight bend, and you are supporting yourself more with muscle than with bone. It will feel strange. …. keep your weight even into both feet, and to the heels and toes of both feet. Nice and steady. He smoothed his hand downwards, stroking down over those buttocks. Aziraphale swallowed hard. “And.... here where your hips are tilted forward, tuck your tailbone back under. Keep your pelvis vertical. This probably all feels very weird. Us westerners have terrible posture, and a tendency to lock our joints, which does none of us any good at all. Aziraphale turned his head to look at Crowley. Eyes softly closed, he leaned forwards tilting his head to meet those wonderful lips. Crowley gasped a little hiss of air, sliding his other hand back through Aziraphale’s cloud soft curls. It wasn’t fierce and needy like before. It was soft. It was tender. It was so perfect. Aziraphale gently caressed his face with his fingers. His mouth moving slowly and carefully. He drew back. Resting his forehead against his. Breathing a little more shakily than before.    
  
“Well,  Excuzzze ME!” Came a fierce little voice. Crowley jumped back like he’d been scalded.    
  
“Ah, Bee, this is Aziraphale. Who I  um ... I told you about.”    
  
“I gathered that MIGHT be the case when I caught you sucking face.” They teased. Holding out a small, pale hand. “I’m Bee.  Crowleys zister . They/Them, but I won’t bite  iff you get it wrong. I hope your intentions  towardzz him are  honourable .” Aziraphale was flustered and blushing. “ Becauzzzze ,  iff they are NOT...”   
  
“BEE, leave off  him!... . Don’t you worry about Bee. They're a BUG!” He said fondly, ruffling their spiky dark hair. “Here, you’re a beginner, so you take this mat close to me...”   
  
“ So he can check out your  arzze when you do downward dog!”    
  
“BEE! Seriously! …  So I can help you out with the positions. It's a  more quiet sort of class. Kind of a winding down one, so it’s very relaxing. We start out working through the positions for the  routine,  and how they will fit together, then at the end we run through the routine twice through, don’t worry if you mess up, this is for you, not a performance for an audience. If you get stuck, just follow along when you can. Then we have a cooldown and meditation. Sound good?”    
  
“Yes, I think so”    
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
After the routine, Aziraphale found himself feeling both a little achy, but also extremely relaxed. This really was a lovely studio for a class. And he followed Crowley's soothing voice as he instructed the class how to position themselves for the relaxation. Crowley moved slowly between the mats, giving out cushions and blankets to people that hadn’t brought their own. He tucked one cushion under Aziraphale’s head, and another behind his knees, then draped a blanket over him.    
  
He continued to speak in a slow, quiet tone, and Aziraphale found his mind drifting away. This was lovely.    
  
When the class was finished, the participants left, and Bee said they were going upstairs. Crowley's eyes were enchanting, sparkling with the  fairylights , pupils wide in the dim light. Aziraphale could hardly believe someone so beautiful was interested in him. So beautiful. So strong.  So caring. Oh, how he wanted him. A bone deep ache of longing.    
  
“You...... are.......just so... so...... ethereal, dear.” He sighed, taking in the moonlight across those sharp features, the red waves pulled back into a high knot, exposing that gorgeous pale throat. “You are such a beauty. To think, you desire  me!... . it’s the greatest  honour .”    
  
“Aziraphale.” He breathed softly. “Angel.” His hands came to rest lightly on his shoulders and he leaned in for another soft kiss. “I have never ever desired anyone like I do you. You are... magnificent.” He trailed his fingers down lower, caressing around his hips, tugging him close. His fingers slid beneath the waistband of his jogging bottoms, cupping that generous behind in his palm. Aziraphale’s breath caught, and was released in a needy little moan.    
  
  
“I..... I need to get tested ..... it’s been a while..... I DO want to, I really do. I just.... I don’t want to get carried away”    
  
“I’ll come with you. We'll make an appointment tomorrow.... You can.... you can stay with me, if you like. I want you to hold me, Aziraphale. I’m not ready to let you go tonight.” Aziraphale rubbed at his temples.    
  
“I want to. I really  REALLY do. But I....” Aziraphale lightly traced Crowley's collarbones where his vest hung loosely around his shoulders. “You are  temptation incarnate. And here’s me with my last health check half a decade ago... no, I must be good.”    
  
“Please, Angel. There's... there’s other things we can do. I want to get a clean check before we do anything more too.... after all, I’m the one with the.... history. I want you to know I would never ever put you at risk. Please....please stay” His voice was so small and so hopeful that Aziraphale agreed.    
  
Crowley took his hand, and after checking the front door had all been locked, he led him up to the flat. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bee gives Aziraphale "the threats"  
> then the couple "the talk" 
> 
> and Aziraphale stays the night.

At the top landing, Crowley turned left and opened his front door.    
  
“This is my side of the flat... We knocked through on the back rooms, so it’s one big flat with an adjoining room. But this side has my bedroom, my bathroom, my kitchen and so on. Bee’s is the same, on the other side. Are you hungry? We usually order in after Monday yoga.” He headed towards the back of the flat, where a large room took up the entire rear wall, with a balcony and a view over the garden. An impish face turned to peek around the edge of a tall leather chesterfield armchair.    
  
“Ah, I was wondering if you two would be joining uszzz.”    
  
“Us?” Aziraphale asked. A black cat hopped up on to Bees shoulders, peering at him curiously with a little trill.    
  
“This is Geraldine. Although Crowley pretty much alwayzzz calls her Bug.”    
  
“So do you.”   
  
“Yeah, well you made it sztick, didn’t you, you dipshit. Hungry?”   
  
“A bit. Aziraphale? You want us to feed you?”    
  
“Oh that would be lovely. My treat though. I insist. What were you thinking?”   
  
“Fish and chipzzz! Muzzhy peas and curry sauce. And a pickled egg.” Bee was beaming.    
  
“Well, looks like we’re having a chippy then.” Crowley smiled, opening a drawer of takeaway menus and rummaging to find the one for the chip shop. “Angel, what are you having?”   
  
“Oh... um. Large cod, medium chips. Pot of gravy and a battered sausage?” Crowley took out his phone, and called up. Ordering a medium cod and small chips for himself. He didn’t have the appetite of his companions. It appeared that Bee had gone the opposite way in response to growing up hungry. Not that their small frame made that clear.    
  
When the buzzer went off, Aziraphale handed Crowley his wallet, when he said he would go and fetch it. As soon as he left, Bee fixed him with a hard stare.    
  
“Azzzzziraphale.” he swallowed hard. “I am giving you a warning here. I LOVE my Brother. He meanzzz more to me than anyone, ever. He izzz my everything. You have NO idea how much he hazz been through. No idea at all. I know what he’zzz told you, and itszz not even scraping the surface. If he truzzts you, in time he will tell you everything. But for now, you don’t know even half of what he hazzz suffered. I wazzz too young to remember a lot of it. He rememberzzz EVERYTHING. and he izzz NOT okay. Do you underzztand? If you hurt him.... if you hurt him I will hunt you down and bloodeagle you, right? You zeem nice. He really likezzz you. So DON’T let me down.” Aziraphale was a little shocked by their ferocity.    
  
“I.... I really like him, Bee. I really do. I hope I’m worthy of him. I really am trying very hard to be what he deserves me to be.”   
  
“We’ll szzzeeeee.” They said suspiciously. “It’z NOT that I don’t truszzt you, but... I... don’t truszzt you. We've been through SO much. And if I can ztop him suffering anything, I will. My truzzztizzzn’t given freely. You muzzzt EARN it.”   
  
“I will do my best, Bee. I... I think I’m falling for him. And I would never ever want to hurt him. I hope I prove myself worthy of your trust. He's so lucky to have you looking out for him. He seems to be such an amazing man.” 

“He izz.”   
  
When they heard the door open again into the flat, they settled back into a more relaxed expression, and fetched plates, forks and salt and vinegar.    
the three of them tucked in to the feast. Aziraphale was impressed. The batter was light, crispy and bubbly, the fish, gorgeous thick white creamy flakes. He saved a few to one side for the cat, who purred delightedly as he fed her. Bee smiled a little, but there were still wary lines of suspicion around their blue blue eyes as they stabbed meaningfully with their fork.    
  
“Crowley. Azzziraphale....”    
  
“Oh no, here comes ‘the talk’ “   
  
“I thought you already gave me the talk, when the food arrived...” Aziraphale protested. Crowley groaned.    
  
“No, that was ‘the threats’ I forgot to warn you about the threats. And now they’ve got both of us, it’s ‘the talk’ and I forgot to warn you about that too.” Bee grinned saccharine sweetly, showing a few too many teeth.    
  
“Yes, the TALK. Azziraphale? Have you had many relationships before? Any one-night standzzzz?”   
  
“No one night stands. Two short relationships. One a few months. One two years. The longest was six years.”   
  
“No casual hook upszzz then. and have you ever cheated on a partner?”    
  
“No! Never. I have been cheated on. But I had always finished the previous relationship quite some time before trying again. It...um... it always took me rather a long time to get over the hurt of it.”   
  
“So they left you? Did they give reasonzz?” Crowley was cringing beside him.    
  
“Really, I don’t think this is necessary, Bee” Bee held up their hand, silencing her brother. Aziraphale sighed.    
  
“One said I was boring. The other cheated on me, and left to be with that other person. And.... the longer relationship... he.... he decided he wasn’t attracted to me anymore because of my weight, when I wasn’t in my prime anymore. He cheated for six months before I found out. Happy?!”    
  
“Are you clean?”    
  
“BEE!”    
  
“SHUT UP, I’m looking out for you! Someone hazzzto!.... So. Are you clean? When was your last check?”    
  
Aziraphale slumped.    
  
“It was about five years ago. After my partner left. I had to make sure, after realising he’d been putting it about...... It was clear. But... I’m still getting another check when I can get an appointment, just to be certain. We.... haven’t.....” The pale eyes slid over his face, scrutinising his expression. Then, apparently, he had passed this test, for now.    
  
“Crowley!” Bee rummaged in their bag, tugging out a handful of foil packets and scattering them across the table. “I know you both have good intentions to behave yourselveszzzz tonight, but, I know what you’re like.... if you can’t be good, be careful. Okay?” Crowley nodded obediently. “Good boy.”    
  


  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
After dinner, Bee affectionately stroked Crowley's hair and announced they were going to bed. The cat padded after them, and Crowley and Aziraphale were left alone in the back room. 

“I think they like you.” Crowley announced brightly.    
  
“They hate me! I’m sure of it.”    
  
“Nahhh, that’s just Bee. They're very overprotective. So. Will you come to bed with me? Or umm.... I can bring you a blanket and some pillows if you’d rather sleep separately.”   
  
“These.... other things.... I’d like to see what other things you might have had in mind.” he said. His neat little white teeth showing in a wary smile.    
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   


  
Aziraphale groaned as Crowley caressed him. His hands moving smoothly over his back and flanks. Seeking every ache and pain and tight spot. His touches became gradually lighter, more sensual.    
  
“Oh, Aziraphale.” He sighed. “You haven’t the faintest idea how GORGEOUS you are, do you? You are so strong and....thick.” A hand slid down over the back of his thighs, making him shudder. Crowley snuggled against his back, the comforting weight of his lean body against him. Crowley's tongue darted out, trailing the line of his carotid artery down to his broad shoulders. “Fuck, you’re beautiful. So strong.” Aziraphale whimpered softly under his touch. He rolled to his side to touch and caress the beautiful creature sharing this wide, comfortable bed. He trailed his fingers down, from a dark, rose pink nipple, over angular ribs, to his hollow hips. “Pleeeeeeese.” he moaned.    
  
“My darling, we must be sensible.” His soft hand reached down, fingers sliding deliciously around Crowley's erection. “Let me touch you.... soon, we can be together” Crowley shuddered needily, his eyelids hooded with desire, his tongue thick with need.    
  
“Wanna fuck you.” He groaned shakily. “Oh, GOD! I wanna fuck you so much.”   
  
“Soon...soon, dear.” Crowley whined in frustration, tugging Aziraphale so his back was pressed against his chest, his cock leaking hot and sticky against that broad back. His long-fingered hand caressed his sturdy hips, reaching to massage his half hard dick to fullness. “Oh....oh darling....” Aziraphale’s head fell back over his shoulder, exposing his neck to his eager, hungry kisses.    
  
“Jeeesus, FUCK you’re So Big!” He growled low and hot in his ear. “Can’t wait to feel you inside me, Angel. God, I’ll be so full.” Aziraphale moaned hungrily, blushing a little at the filthy words. Nothing he had ever experienced felt as erotic as he did right now. Hot panting in his ear. That long, curved cock rubbing against him. Those hands. Crowley's tongue traced the hollow behind his ear, before sucking lightly at his earlobe. The graze of his teeth.    
  
“Oh, Croooooooowwwwlllleeeeeeyyyyy...... Feels good.... Feels so good. I.... I’m getting close already... OHHHH, your HANDS!”   
  
“Angel, let me fuck your thighs”    
  
“Oh.... oh yes, pleeease, I want to feel you.” Aziraphale jumped a little at the cold, slick liquid Crowley began to trace between the crease of his legs with. It felt positively sinful. Then he felt the fiercely hot head of his cock slide first against his buttocks, then into that tight seam, the blunt head deliciously stroking along his perineum and nudging his balls. Crowley was gasping sharply, his face curled in to his nape   
  
“Oh Goooood. Oh God that’s good, fuck..... Your THIGHS, Angel!... Fucking heaven and hellfire.... Your THIGHS, they’re so good... They feel so good.” Crowley's hand continued to pump firmly and slowly his long, sweeping strokes matching the pace. At the top of each stroke was a delicious twist that made him choke out little desperate cries. It was all so much. SO much sensation. The euphoria of it. The way his lungs heaved like bellows, his heart stammering as if to beat out of his chest. “Touch yourself!” Crowley demanded roughly, his hands slipping away to caress his buttocks. Aziraphale met each thrust with his rutting hips. He felt pressure around his arsehole.    
  
“Crowley.... Crowley.... wait.”    
  
“S’just my fingers Angel.... can I?” Aziraphale shuddered needily, and thrust his hips back again against the slick fingers. He whimpered when he was breached. “You okay? … You okay?” He nodded again, his face flushed.    
  
“Yes.... please, more..... please....” Crowley began stroking his finger lightly inside him, curving it. Sliding in a second lubed finger as he continued to grind his hips into the sweet, press of those glorious thighs. “GGGGgnnnnnnnhhhhh.... Oh, Crowley... I.... I......moooooooooooore!” The third finger met only a little resistance, and then he found JUST the right angle. Aziraphale’s entire body snapped like a bowstring, “OH FUCK! Yes! There!..... Ohrightthererightthererightthere right......AAAAAARRRRRGH! Oh it’s good you're so good.” He pressed a little more firmly, working circles over his prostate. Aziraphale was trembling violently now, so close... so close. Crowley's other hand laid gently over Aziraphale’s as he stroked himself. The angel turned his head to capture his mouth in a fierce, disjointed kiss. He felt the hot streaks of come smearing his fingers as he stroked him through the aftershocks, grunting as he reached his own climax, smearing his spend and lube between Aziphales truly heavenly thighs. Crowley's face was love drunk. Grinning and out of focus as he fought to steady his breathing.    
  
“Fuuuuuucking hell.....that was..... that was.....” He couldn’t find words to describe it. He grabbed some flannels from the drawer, and staggered to the little sink in the corner of his bedroom. He dampened them, and gently cleaned Aziraphale’s thighs and stomach. before using another on himself. “That was.....?”    
  
“If that was THAT good.... I’ve never ever come so hard, Crowley. Ever..... I hope we can get those appointments very VERY soon, because, if that was anything to go by......” Crowleys eyes widened. He was right. If it was that good, what would full sex be like with him. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley sleep (actually sleep) together. 
> 
> Crowley gets tested, and finds the questions invasive.

Aziraphale felt the body in his arms stir restlessly. His beautiful brows were furrowed, and he whimpered softly.    
  
“Nonono.....NO! Please stop.....NO! Please don’t!”   
  
“Shhhhh.....” He smoothed his fingertips into the beautiful red hair, softly hushing him. The arms tightened on him, as he began to struggle. “It’s okay dear...” He whispered softly. “I’ve got you, you’re safe” The gold eyes squeezed shut and then opened wide, searching frantically around the room, he was breathing hard. “Easy....easy.... it’s okay.” He could tell from the blank stare that Crowley wasn’t fully awake. He was experiencing a night terror. With a huge sigh, Crowley sank back against his chest, clinging as if to a life raft.    
  
“STAY.....Stay....stay.......” He repeated over and over again until he slipped back into sleep again.    
  
There was a little tap at the door.    
  
“You okay in there? The door opened a crack. A concerned face peering around. “He’szz....... azleep?” Aziraphale nodded.    
  
“He had a moment. But yes, he’s sleeping again now.”   
  
“Yeah, he told you about the nightmarezzzzz?”    
  
“Only that he has them. Not the details.”   
  
“If you DO need me to help, give me a sszzhout. I’m not a heavy sleeper... I uzzually hear...... thank you, Azzzziraphale.” The door clicked shut again. And soft footsteps retreated. Aziraphale wrapped his arms around Crowley's ribs, and held him close. His heart hurting with how much he wanted to make everything okay again for him.    
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
When he woke again. Crowley's face was pressed into his chest, a small damp spot where he had dribbled a little. He looked truly lovely in the early morning light; his eyes softly closed. He looked peaceful. Serene. Aziraphale stroked through his lovely hair over and over. It was so long, and hung loose around his shoulders, trailing over them both. He really was quite exceptional looking. Aziraphale smiled, remembering how wonderful last night had been. He felt an insistent stirring against his thigh. And then the languid roll of those hips against him, Crowley giving a contented hum in his sleep. His lips quirking into that familiar, lovely smirk.    
  
“Angel....” He sighed softly, his amber eyes narrow and sleepy. “You’re real.....”    
  
“So they tell me, my dear.” He said affectionately.    
  
“You stayed.”    
  
“Yes...it was wonderful.”    
  
“Hmmmmmm...want to keep you here in my bed foreverandeverandever.”    
  
“I don’t know if my bladder would like that!” Crowley chuckled, still sleep soft and slow. “I wish we could just spend the whole day in bed together.”    
  
“We can, if you like... Tuesday and Wednesday are my weekend, this week. You run your place, right? Why not throw a sickie. I’m sure your boss won’t mind.”   
  
“Oh but I...... oh.....I.. Yes, I COULD do that.” Aziraphale trailed his fingers down Crowley's ridged ribcage, making him gasp sharply. “In the meantime, perhaps I should do something about....” His fingers curled around his erection, gripping firmly. “This....” Crowley went loose limbed with a soft moan, rolling onto his back to be fully exposed. As Aziraphale stroked him he arched his back, his hands tangling back into the pillows above his head. Oh, the sounds he made! Aziraphale experimented with different touches, different strokes, finding the sensations that made him sing out like a siren. And Aziraphale knew, he was lost. He was steering towards the rocks, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. There was nothing he wanted more than Crowley. HIS. Crowley, purring under his touch. That moment when the sunset gold eyes went wide in amazement as he came. It was everything. His Sun to orbit. His stars to dream under. When, shaking, the taut body going loose again with a ragged sigh. He was sure he was falling in love. Sure of it. Whatever the future would bring, he wanted this incredible man by his side.    
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
The Nurse was pretty, in a plain sort of way. Crowley was glad he wasn’t attracted to women very much, because, objectively, he did find her very nice looking. And she was going to be touching him   
  
“Okay, Anthony. Can you tell me when your last sexual health check up was?”   
  
“About six years ago. I was very promiscuous until then. After the last.... I had my test. It was clear. I just want to be sure. I’ve met someone new. Someone I REALLY like.”   
  
“Do you know how many sexual partners you’ve had, Mr. Crowley?”   
  
"None in the past six years. Before that.... I don’t know. A lot.”   
  
“Have you ever had sex with other men?”   
  
“Almost exclisively, yes.”   
  
“And did you engage in anal or oral sex?”   
  
“Of course I did. I’m gay, and I’ve already told you I was promiscuous. Yes. Lots.” He hated answering these questions.    
  
“Did you use protection?”    
  
“Sometimes...... For the most part, not nearly as often as I should.”   
  
“And have you ever used intravenous recreational drugs?”    
  
“YES. I was on the streets, I was a Junkie and a Whore, and I shared needles, and I had a lot of unprotected sex. I was homeless. I was SIXTEEN!” He spat “But I have tested clean since then, so why do you need to know about that? Do you want to know how many times I was raped too? Because I’ve lost count!” His eyes flamed. Her face was carefully blank.    
  
“I’m very sorry to hear that Mr Crowley. If there’s any services we can help you access going forward, any counselling....”   
  
“My Sister is Bee Young. You may have heard of them. They're the top childhood trauma counsellor in the country. You know why? Because our childhood was seriously FUCKED UP! I became a physio because, after years of abuse and neglect, our mother tried to kill me, and I broke my spine and my pelvis in a fall. So. Yes, I know about counselling. I’m just doing my best to make it day to day without falling to pieces. And now I meet someone who..... who.... I think I might be falling in love with. So please, do your damn tests, and stop raking over my past. If you think I MIGHT need testing for it, I probably do.” her eyes softened.    
  
“I.... Mr Crowley. I’m sorry. We'll run the tests. We need urine, blood, and I’ll take a swab. I’m sure you already know the procedure.” He nodded.    
  
“Thank you. And I will be phoned when the results come through?”    
  
“Yes. Of course, most importantly, your H.I.V. results will be through within the next 24 hours. Some of the others may take a little longer. Would you like the results when they are all in, or would you rather have the H.I.V. result as soon as we have it?”   
  
“Yes. Please. I know it’s not likely since my last test, but.....I would appreciate that one as soon as it’s available.” 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW.   
> panic attack. 
> 
> accidental hitting.

Crowley paced anxiously in the waiting room. Clearly Aziraphale had been called in when he was being examined. And cross examined. He hated feeling like this. He hated these checks. He hated the questions. He hated the way people's demeanor towards him changed at his answers. He hated the raking through his past. The swabs were nothing in comparison. H e was  too wound up by that point to care for the discomfort. The receptionist eyed him warily. His mouth a tight line. Crowley tried to take a calming deep breath, but he was too wired up. Feeling the electricity threading through his nerves. He was beginning to hyperventilate. His hands were shaking. Fuck. Not here. Not now. His guts coiled in painful, cramping knots. His mouth was dry, making him start to gag. His legs folded beneath him as he crumpled to the floor, the room becoming fuzzy and muffled around him. There were people. Why were there people? They were crowding around him, and the urge to fight them off and run was overwhelming. His limbs wouldn’t cooperate. His heart beat erratically, and he was sure it would give out if it carried on like that. A warm hand squeezed his shoulder and he lashed out frantically. Feeling his clenched fist make contact hard. A lead weight inside him dropped when he saw Aziraphale clutching his head. He'd ruined it. He'd thrown everything away in one stupid moment. He had HIT the angel.    
  
He was just like his mother.    
  
He was evil.    
  
unforgiveable.    
  
damned.    
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Aziraphale clutched the icepack to his eye with one hand, resting the other lightly on Crowley's knee. Crowley's eyes were red rimmed and the sobs had finally subsided into the occasional hiccup.    
  
“Well.” He said cheerfully. That was more eventful than we expected, wasn’t it?” Crowley looked up, aghast.    
  
“What?... I.... I......HIT you!”    
  
“And it was an accident. If you’d been trying to hit me, you’d have missed. You didn’t have the coordination to throw a punch and land it with deliberation.”    
  
“People..... always make excuses to justify the  behaviour of their abuser...” He said in a tone that suggested this was something he had been told repeatedly.    
  
“Crowley! Don't be ridiculous. In no way was that domestic violence, dear. That was an accident. I’m not justifying it; I’m telling you the absolute truth of what happened. So, I’ll have a black eye for a bit. It's not the first and it won’t be the last. I’ve looked worse coming off the field on many an occasion. And do I blame the other players if I get a bit bashed about? Of course not. Do you... um... often have these attacks? When you’re awake, I mean? I know you have trouble sleeping.”   
  
“Not for a while.... it was.... it was the questions. So many questions. Judging me for my bad life choices.”   
  
“Oh.” Aziraphale looked thoughtful. He hadn’t considered that the health questions would be distressing for him. But of course, they were! How could they not be after what he had been through? He had been anxious with Bees questions to him, and he had a pretty uneventful sex life. He thought back over the questions during the check. Yes, he could see how that would be difficult for Crowley. “Oh.... if I.... If I had thought about it, I shouldn’t have expected you to do this. You already HAVE a clear test, albeit a while ago.  So do I. I trust you, if you’ve had a test since you were last active, I believe you... I ….”   
  
“No, Aziraphale. It's the right thing to do. It's not your fault I’m fucked up like my...”    
  
“Like...?”   
  
“My....Mum. She.... she was.... she....” The tears were threatening again. “She beat me.... a lot. I.... I’m so scared I’m like her.” Aziraphale’s eyes became very large and sad.    
  
“And you think because you accidentally made contact with my face when you were freaking out that you are violent?..... Darling, nothing about you is violent. You have.... the most wonderful.... I.....” He trailed off, not finding words to explain how peaceful Crowley made him feel. “You would never hurt anyone on purpose. It was an accident. I forgive you... No, that’s not right. You have done nothing that needs forgiving ..... Now. How about we go back to mine, I’ll make us a spot of early dinner, and we can cuddle and watch some films. What is it they call it? Netflix and chilling?” Crowley smirked despite himself.    
  
“I don’t think that means what you think that means, Angel. But I like that plan ..... and we can sit around waiting for the phone to beep together.” Aziraphale stood, gently cupping Crowley's face in his soft hands, and kissed him gently on the forehead.    
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
  
Aziraphale was singing along with the little radio in the kitchen of the flat. Crowley was sprawled in a chair, like a chair was a foreign concept to him. One leg flung over the side, a wine glass hanging loosely in his long fingers, gesticulating along with the music. Aziraphale was wearing an apron. An honest to Gods APRON! A  teatowel tucked into the waistband that he used to wipe up spills as he went. Crowley watched fondly as he chopped vegetables, seasoned and seared meat, and made dumplings from scratched. He added a hefty dollop of horseradish sauce to the stew, checked the seasoning, and gathering everything together into the well-used looking casserole dish and putting it into the oven. He washed and wiped his hands, and put the apron to one side, before sitting back with his own glass, and patting the sofa beside himself. Crowley folded into the space, leaning into him. His gorgeous pale hazel eyes aglow. He pressed his lips to Aziraphale’s, chasing the  flavours in his welcoming mouth.    
  
“That tastes delicious, Angel? You cook a lot?”   
  
“Oh, I dabble. as you know, I like my food. And one can’t eat out ALL the time. Much as I would enjoy to fritter away my inheritance on delicious meals, fine wines, delightful parties....” Crowley smiled, imagining Aziraphale living the high life, like some decadent young thing out of The Great Gatsby. The image suited him. He was starting to  realise that this innocent, soft looking, angelic creature was a wanton hedonist at heart. He really was a man of many contradictions. He wanted to discover every last side of him, and he had more than a geeky dice. Well groomed. Softly spoken. Deeply intelligent. Camp as  Christmas . Incredibly sexual. Impeccably polite and fastidious. Rugby playing. Calm and strong and sturdy and so  so dependable and SAFE! So safe. And clearly just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing. Crowley mounted his broad hips, kissing down into that beautiful mouth, careful not to brush over his slowly darkening bruise. As he felt him harden beneath him, he began to grind down, eagerly swallowing his ecstatic moans. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the couple spend more time at Aziraphales. 
> 
> Crowley opens up a little more. results start dribbling in. 
> 
> don't worry, I'm not THAT cruel.....

Crowley was snoring softly, head in Aziraphale’s lap, where the well-kept fingers stroked soothingly through his hair. He had dozed off during the film, not so very long after his amorous exertions. Aziraphale supposed it had been a draining day for him, all things considered. He was very peaceful, for which he was glad. He scrolled through to find a documentary to keep him occupied while his companion slept. The food would be fine in the oven. That was the beauty of a good casserole or stew. Whenever they were ready for it, it would be ready for them. The longer the better. And the leftovers tomorrow would be better still. His phone beeped, and he reached out to grab it, carefully not disturbing his passenger. And there it was. He smiled.    
  
‘Mr A.Z. Fell. We are pleased to inform you that your H.I.V. test was negative.’   
  
It had been as expected, but there was always a niggling doubt that crept into his mind while waiting. And the other tests should come through at some point over the next few days. He was looking forward to taking the next step with Crowley. It had been a long time. Too long. Really this was just a formality. A reassurance. Even so, he felt his stomach drop when, instead of a message tone, Crowley's phone began to ring.    
  
Crowley flailed awake, disorientated. He grabbed at the phone and answered.

“Yeah, what?” He mumbled. “Oh.... yeah, sorry. Had a bit of a day. I’m at ‘ziraphales....Nahh, I’ll tell you about it later. It's fine. I’m okay. Should have texted, let you know. Was in a bit of a state. …...... nah, nah, nothing came up at the test......all normal to look at. ….....um.... had a …... a bit of a panic attack in the waiting room after, Aziraphale brought me back to his to calm down again. He's making me dinner..... beef stew. Smells really good, actually......... all okay back there?” He smiled at the rapid fire of tinny speech coming from the phone. “Bee, it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m sorry, I should have let you know I was coming here. I didn’t think.......nah, not heard back yet. Can't see why it wouldn’t be clear though. It's been a while......yeah, don’t know. Busy tomorrow though. So, I probably SHOULD come back tonight, but.... you know how things are. If I don’t, I’ll see you in the morning.....yeah..... yeah, I will.... I WILL!..... Love you Bumblebee.... yeah, night night.” He made kissy noises, before hanging up.    
  
“Ah!” said Aziraphale, raising an eyebrow.    
  
“Ah indeed. Bee checking I haven’t fallen down a rabbit hole somewhere..... they.... um... after I ran off from the hospital.....they worry if I’m not back when I say I will be.”   
  
“Oh, dear boy, it’s completely understandable.”   
  
“Some of my Exes found them.... um.... overbearing.”    
  
“Well, I can’t say they are NOT, but they mean no harm. The two of you have been through a lot together, and anyone who can’t understand how close you both are, well, they don’t love you, do they?”   
  
“I don’t think anyone but Bee ever has.....My...... my Mother didn’t.”   
  
“Your father?”    
  
“Probably never even knew I existed. She only occasionally brought men home. I think that is probably why she would disappear for days. I don’t think she wanted any of them to know she had two kids. So she would do the bare minimum, and go off and do as she pleased. I’ve no idea who he was. Same with Bee. Neither of us ever knew our fathers. Probably different men. I don’t think she ever held down a longer relationship. Not that it matters. Bee is more family to me than anyone ever. And Mary. Even the Youngs. Family for us isn’t blood. It’s who is there for you. So it doesn’t matter, who our fathers were. Because our mother was our mother by blood, and she wasn’t family. Not by any criteria.” Aziraphale’s arms folded gently around his shoulders again.    
  
“I find it hard to believe that there haven’t been more people that love you. You are a very easy person to love.” Crowley's eyes were wide and questioning. “Because.... my dear....I know it’s only been a very short time... but.... I think.... I think I’m falling for you.” Crowley's eyes were almost pained at his confession.    
  
“Aziraphale...don’t..... don’t.... don’t say it if you don’t mean it. I can’t bear it if....” Aziraphale tilted his head, leaning in to kiss. A soft, chaste kiss, overflowing with affection and compassion. His fingers trailing up to tug at his long, silky hair. Nuzzling his uptilted nose against Crowleys. Pressing their foreheads together as he looked down at where his palm lay over his heart.    
  
“I DO mean it. I AM falling in love with you. I hope you feel the same for me. I have never felt this way about anyone before... I thought I was in love once.... and.... I was crushed when it ended. But.... I can’t stop thinking about you... I can’t stop wanting you. Every moment we are apart, I see something and wish we were sharing that moment together. I want to..... I want to protect you... from more hurt. From the memories of the hurt before. If you wake up screaming, I want to hold you and kiss you and rock you back to a peaceful sleep. I...... I want to save you from the fears that come to you at night. ….. Crowley, I.....” The words dried up in his chest. “I have no words that begin to contain the feelings I have for you.”   
  
“Angel........” Crowley's eyes held such heartbreak. Such wariness.    
  
“Come on.... let me sort our dinner out. I rather like couscous with a stew myself. I cook it with butter and homemade chicken stock, and mustard seeds, sometimes a few flakes of chilli too. Makes it really rich, then if I serve it in a bowl, the stew juices soak down into the couscous, and it’s very very tasty. How does that sound my dearest, dearest.... my....”   
  
“That sounds great. Hngghh. H’yeah. Sounds good.” And then, once more he had that apron on as he popped some frozen... something, Crowley assumed it was the stock he had mentioned, into a pan to heat. When it boiled, he added a generous amount of butter, and when it melted, he poured it over a dish of couscous he had mixed with the mustard seeds and chilli he mentioned. Covered it with an upturned plate.    
  
“Please... sit, I’ll bring these to the table, and you can dish up as much as you would like. I find it a more companionable way to eat, don’t you?” Aziraphale brought bowls and spoons to the table, a plate of sliced, home made looking bread, a dish of butter, and lit some candles. Dimmed the lights. His eyes near glowed in the low light, with affection and desire. He brought first the couscous, then set the casserole dish down on a trivet, removing the lid “Come now.... eat. Let me care for you the way you deserve to be cared for, my beautiful, darling Crowley.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I told you I'm not THAT cruel.  
> I'm not. I swear it. 
> 
> but it doesn't mean I'm not going to drag our poor dears through the wringer first. 
> 
> yes, Aziraphale is a DIRTY boy.
> 
> requested CW. toe sucking. xxxx.

  
  
It was Thursday morning. Crowley woke in the warm embrace of his soft, tender angel. He had set the alarm quite early so he had time to get back home, shower and be ready to face the day. Aziraphale stirred gently beside him. The broad arm pulling him closer against his strong chest. Smiling lips pressed to the nape of his neck. Crowley scrolled through his phone, brow furrowed.    
  
“Still nothing?”    
  
“No.... what if...”    
  
"Now, don’t worry. I know it’s hard, but you tested clean after your last partner, right? And you’ve not been up to anything risky since. So, you’re clean. It's just a formality.”   
  
“But why haven’t they got back to me yet? It's never taken this long before.”   
  
“They asked if you wanted it separately or all together when it’s all in?”    
  
“Yes, I said I wanted it right away.”   
  
“Maybe they ticked the wrong box.” Crowley was up and pacing again. It WAS a possible explanation, he couldn’t deny that. “Come on, come back to bed. By the weekend all this worry will be behind us. And... we can.....” He reached out, taking Crowley's hand. “We can BE together. Properly. I can’t wait... I.... I’ve booked us a nice meal out, and then we can come back here, or yours if you prefer, and....” His eyes were so intense, looking up at him adoringly. He began to press soft kisses to his knuckles, over and over again. Closing his eyes, his little pink tongue fluttered against his long fingers. Crowley sighed, cupping that soft jaw in his palm, brushing his thumb over his bottom lip. Aziraphale's lips parted, turning his head to suck gently on his thumb. His eyes opening once more, locking his gaze, as the wet heat of his tongue and mouth raised goosebumps down Crowley's spine.    
  
“Oh, God! Angel! You're going to be the death of me!” Aziraphale hummed around him happily, changing the strokes and slides of his tongue in ways that made Crowley's mind go curiously blank. Aziraphale pulled off with a fierce sucking pop. Smiling fondly.    
  
“Come back to bed, darling. There's plenty of time yet.” His voice was soft, low, husky with want.” I BET I can make you come without even touching your cock.”   
  
“FUCK, ANGEL!” Crowley was staring at him in amazement. Then his wicked smile danced back on to his lips. “YOU’RE ON!”   


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Crowley was naked on the bed again, his head flung back, exposing a gorgeous expanse of pale throat. His collarbones and ribcage bearing greedy, sucking bruises. Aziraphale's tongue slid lightly over his sharp hipbones, making him whimper at the proximity to his aching cock. he continued trailing his lips lower. Down the long, long leg.   
  
“Are you ticklish?” Crowley looked down, panting.    
  
“What?”    
  
“Are....you....ticklish?”   
  
“Hnnggggk.....um.... a little.....”   
  
“Just making sure you’re not going to black my other eye to match.” Aziraphale took Crowleys long, angular foot in his hands, gently massaging, before, as with his thumb earlier, he sucked wetly on his smallest toe, licking between each of them with hungry moans.    
  
“Oooooooohhhh FUCK!” Crowley's back arched at the unexpectedly erotic sensation. “Your MOUTH, Angel!” Oh God the SIGHT of him, worshipping his feet so attentively. He was beginning to tremble uncontrollably. The Sounds the angel made were almost enough to bring him off on their own. Crowley hooked his other knee over Aziraphales shoulder, pulling him closer. Aziraphale was astounded by how beautiful he was like this. The way his body moved. The way his slender ribcage heaved. His fingers clutching over and over at the rumpled sheets. His flushed cheeks, his mouth open loose. Aziraphale began to stroke himself, his moans becoming fierce, low growls. Crowley's hand trailed down his hollow belly, and Aziraphale pushed it away. He wasn’t to touch. Crowley wondered if he was going to use his fingers on him. Sure he would explode instantly if he did. Damn, he was so close, and he’d not touched him in his nether regions at all. How could he be strung this tight just from..... THIS! His head rolled, pressing his face into the pillow, hands gripping fiercely at the headboard behind him. He was nearing the crest already. He tried to bite back the sounds that threatened to come from him. And then, then the shaking grew more violent, a sobbing sound tore its way past Crowley's bared teeth. His whole body went rigid, arching even more. Aziraphale hummed with satisfaction as he watched Crowley's orgasm ripple through him, leaving him spent and panting, damp with sweat, eyes heavy-lidded as little vibrations came and went, like small earthquakes. “No one...... NO ONE ever did THAT to me before..... fuck.”   
  
“Just think how good it will feel when I swallow you down my throat, my beautiful one.”   
  
“FUCK, you’re FILTHY! How did you get to be so....”   
  
“I read. A lot. I live in Soho. I KNOW things. I want to give you every kind of pleasure in every way I can. I want to HAVE you, in every way my body can accomplish.” Aziraphale fetched some damp washcloths for them to clean themselves up.    
  
“So ...... what do you like? You know... sexually.....?”    
  
“I LIKE sex. A lot. That surprises people. I want to fuck you. I want to suck your lovely cock. I want to eat that beautiful arse of yours. I want you to fuck me. I want you to ride me until I’m raw. Trust me, anything you’ve thought of doing together, I want it. And if you suggest something I haven’t tried, then, Crowley, I look forward to discovering more things I want to do with you.” Crowley was staring. Language and even rational thought fleeing his mind. “I’ve yet to try something I didn’t enjoy. And I’ve tried a lot.” his smile was absolutely glowing, pure and innocent. He leaned in closer. “I....LOVE...fucking. I love food. I love to drink. I love the energy of using my body on the field. I love to sing, to dance, to have massages, and hot shaves and manicures, and to be pampered. Crowley.... there are SO many pleasures in the world. And I have never been one to deny myself them. And I would never deny you any pleasure you desire.”    
  
Crowley cast around frantically for a train of thought that wasn’t stationary.    
  
“I need to get to work....” he squeaked out, overwhelmed by Aziraphale's incredible admission.    
  
“I’ll call you a cab, dear. Do let me know as soon as you hear anything.”    
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Crowley came out from his treatment room. Waiting for the client to call him back in when they were fully dressed again. He checked his phone again, which had been on silent. Still nothing. A cold rock of fear grew larger inside him. He had his client to think about, then it was his lunch break, after running through the recommended exercises, and reviewing the treatment with him. The client was an amputee, above the knee, right leg. he was helping him with his posture, so he didn’t put too much strain on the joints of his left leg, and didn’t mess up his back into the bargain. He seemed a nice sort. It had been a car accident. he still had a very long way to go. Still held tension in his shoulders from the trauma of the event.    
  
After the appointment finished, Crowley headed upstairs to make some lunch. The cat was all over him, purring loudly as she repeatedly bumped him with her forehead and ran her cheeks against his legs.    
  
“C’mere, Bug!” He scooped her up while rummaging through his cupboards and fridge.    
  
Bee had left one of their salads in his fridge. Bee made a GREAT salad. Full of grains and pulses, grated beetroot, carrot and apple, ripe cherry tomatoes, little strips of salty, griddled halloumi, pomegranate seeds, and a dressing, sat in a small jar next to it, that was light, tart, and zingy. They'd left a note with it for him.    
  
He was feeling quite content. He had thoroughly enjoyed staying with Aziraphale. he wondered how many more filthy surprises he had in store for him.    
  
After his lunch, he decided to catch up on his morning Yoga. 

Then the phone rang.    
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   


  
The bell on the bookshop door tinkled cheerily as Tracy breezed in, a waft of bright colour, talc and joss sticks.    
  
“COOO-EEEEEE! Aziraphale!” She trilled, rounding the corner from the double doors to the little office under the East side of the domed atrium. Her face fell. “Oh.... Aziraphale.....what happened?”    
  
“He stayed over. I made us dinner... We’re both waiting on our test results, although I’ve had the important one back. He hasn’t.”   
  
“AZIRAPHALE! Dear! When did he.....?” She gestured towards her own right eye, and automatically he reached for his own darkened cheekbone and socket.    
  
"It was an accident,” He said in a clipped little voice. So formal. “He was having a panic attack, and I made the mistake of trying to restrain him. I assure, you, dear lady, he had no intention of hurting me.. Nor would he.”   
  
“Oh, Aziraphale....” Her lip was wobbling. “Promise me you would never lie to me about something like this!"   
  
“My dear. You know I would never ever lie to you.” he laid his soft, warm hands over hers. “Im sure that you MUST know this is the truth.”    
  
  
  
His phone rang, and he raised one finger in her direction, indicating his intent to attend to the call.    
  
  
His face went utterly white and numb. His knees began to fold beneath him. The phone fell to the floor.    
  
  
Tracy snatched it up to be met with a frantic rapid voice with a lisp that buzzed uncomfortably.   
  
  
  
"Tell Azzziraphale, it’zzzz Bee..... get him to the clinic. They've called Crowley back in. They want to talk to him about hizzrezzultzzz, and he’zzbezzidehimzelf. He needzzz him there.”    



	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the cliffhanger. :P 
> 
> hope you all forgive me. 
> 
> Aziraphale arrives at the clinic. 
> 
> buckle your seatbelts for more emotional rollercoaster.

The cab pulled up outside the clinic, and Aziraphale virtually fell out of the door into the gutter. His arm was clamped around his middle as he  dry heaved, bent double.    
  
Tracy paid the driver. The clinic was closer to Soho than to Eden House, and it was only moments later another cab pulled up outside the dismal looking  building . A small, spiky haired person climbed out on the road side of the cab, before coming around to the pavement side, and opening the door. Crowley stumbled out into their arms. his face and eyes blank with fear. Aziraphale ran to him, engulfing him in his strong arms. Raining kisses to his eyelids, temples and lips.    
  
“My beloved... it’s okay....... and if...... if it’s not okay... there’s a lot they can do now ..... The medication is very effective, if the condition is managed right, it can even be so it won’t transmit with unprotected sex. It's NOT like it was. And even if it were, I would never abandon you. What happens to you, happens to me, my dear, dear Crowley.” Tracy looked fearfully up at Crowley's sister, whose eyes were laser blue in red rimmed sockets. They went into the clinic, the four of them. There was a small sofa by a coffee table in the corner, and Crowley and Aziraphale, and their friends headed there. Their arms tight to each other, Aziraphale stroking Crowley's hair where he  snuggled into his shoulder. His sister hugged against his back, and Tracy sat worriedly beside Aziraphale, stroking her hand up and down his back slowly. When Crowley was called in, he tugged Aziraphale’s hand to follow.    
  
The nurse stood at the doorway.    
  
“We’d like to speak to you on your own first,  Mr Crowley. Then, if you want someone here after we have talked through it, that’s your decision.” She eyed Aziraphale almost aggressively. “YOU will wait out here until you are called in, if Mr. Crowley wants that.”   
  
Crowley's eyes were wide and panicked as he followed the nurse into the examination room. He didn’t want to be alone if he was about to be told he was dying. She held open the door to allow him in, and closed it firmly behind them.    
  
“What’s going on?”    
  
“ Mr Crowley. The first thing I want to tell you Is that all of your test results are back in, and all of your tests have come back negative.” Crowley sagged in the seat, looking like he might be going to throw up with the relief. “However, your previous appointment raised some safeguarding issues, and it would be amiss of us not to give you the opportunity to request help if you need it. You were under a lot of stress during your exam. Then afterwards, you had a panic attack, and when  Mr Fell touched you, you hit him..... so. If he is hurting you, or being coercive, this is your opportunity to ask for help. This is entirely confidential. You can leave here, and tell him that your results are clear. But if you tell us now that you need help, we can arrange that help right now.”   
  
Crowley gaped at them.    
  
“No. ..... no.. . ! He would never.... He’s the sweetest person I know ..... How could you .....? and you let me feel SO SCARED waiting for my results, and you kept them from me because I hit HIM! Not the other way around. HOW COULD YOU?!”   
  
“You openly admitted to having been homeless, to intravenous drug use, needle sharing and prostitution. Unprotected sex. being repeatedly....” The word died on her lips “Surely you can see how you fall into a vulnerable category. It's our duty to make sure you’re not being coerced or abused.”   
  
“And yet until I was nearly killed by my own mother, nobody cared about me being abused. I had to be literally CRIPPLED from her attempt to kill me before anyone raised any ‘safeguarding issues’!” The door was shaking in its frame. He heard his sisters raised and angry voice, berating the staff, and Aziraphale, fastidiously polite yet coldly efficient, demanding that he not be forced to deal with this alone. When the nurse opened the door, Crowley virtually fell through it, flinging himself into Aziraphale’s broad, soft chest.    
  
“Crowley!”   
  
“I’m clean, Angel.... I’m clean. It's okay ..... They ..... they thought you might be hurting me...  I.. ….you would never.... I told them....” Aziraphale looked aghast.    
  
“And you thought it was okay to put him through THIS? Do you have any idea how worried he was?! How worried we ALL were?!! I. ..... I can’t believe this!” Anger and relief conflicted his face, as the redhead sobbed into his shoulder. “Come on, my dear. Let's get you home ..... and  YOU!... . You can tell the practice manager to expect a VERY strongly worded letter!”    
  
As they left, Crowley's legs wouldn’t obey him. So Aziraphale lifted him easily, and carried him out as he clutched desperately to him. outside Bee dialed for a cab, deciding it would be easier to all get the same one, and drop Tracy off on the way.    
  
Poor Crowley was exhausted, and no wonder. It seemed nothing in his life was ever easy. Well. Aziraphale resolved. From now on, he was going to do everything in his power to change that. Crowley deserved all the good in the world. He deserved not to have to fight and struggle for every scrap of happiness. When they arrived back at Eden House, Bee paid the fare and opened the door. Aziraphale lifted him again, and there was no protest at this. He just curled into him, burying his face in the curve of his neck. Silent tears continued to stream down, wetting his collar.    
  
Anathema looked  up, her face full of concern. Bee cut off the questions before they started.    
  
“ He’zzzz fine.  He'z just tired. We're taking him up to get  zome rezt . If you can  canzel tomorrow for  uzz both, and  hizz until Monday, I think he  needzzz a proper break. I’ll  exzzzplain later.”    
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Aziraphale tucked Crowley into his bed, and went to fetch him a big glass of water. Bee was waiting for him outside the bedroom.    
  
“ Azzziraphale .....today...... THANK YOU. I don’t know what we would have done without you there. You......really care about him, don’t you.” there was no hint of a question in their tone. "Everything you did today.... you were there for him.... for both of  uzz ..... and.... I hope you know how much that  meanzzz to me. “   
  
“Thank you.” he wasn’t sure what else to say in response. Bee stepped in closer and wrapped their arms around him, squeezing him tightly.    
  
“Now, go and give him a big cuddle until he  feelzzz better.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> watch out for increasingly unpleasant tags. 
> 
> contains Rape/non con and heroin use memories. 
> 
> if you want to avoid it the first ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ goes to what is happening in the room, and not what is happening in Crowleys head as he dreams of his past. 
> 
> there's a whole lot poor Crowley needs to unpack before he's ready to heal. 
> 
> I'm sorry. I'm so cruel. I love you for all your support and lovely comments.   
> it makes me sad to see how Crowleys experience with medical "professionals" have rung true for so many. and there was me worried that it might be unrealistic.   
> stay strong. there IS a happy ending.   
> but healing is a messy process.

The concrete cold seeped up through the thin sleeping bag into Antony's bones. The dull grind in his right hip where the hard, cold, damp pavement beneath him seemed to bite back into his weak flesh. The wind was pinching cold, so he tucked his head into the sleeping bag as far as he could. Sleep came and went erratically. He had a newspaper he had folded and used as a pillow. Now he crumpled each page and stuffed it down into the sleeping bag around him, trying so hard to stay warm. His teeth chattered violently as he snuggled in closer to the building for shelter. 

“HEY! TONY!” came a loud, familiar voice. “I got it.” He reluctantly sat up, peering warily out from cover. He began rummaging in his rucksack.    
  
“Give it to me!”    
  
“Pay me first.” Crowley rummaged in his sock, bringing out a few grubby notes and coins. “Tony, that’s not enough.”   
  
“Please! I’m..... I hurt, I....... I HURT!.... have you ever fallen down three flights of a concrete stairwell?”   
  
“No, but I’ve had someone set fire to my tent while I was in it.” the older man spat back. “you think you’re better than the rest of us, don’t you? That you’re the only one that’s had it hard.”   
  
“NO. I...” he felt the prick of a knifepoint pressing into his belly. He dropped the little sealed bag next to him.   
  
“That’s your share. I know how you can make up the difference...”    
  
Tony felt tears trailing down his cheeks as his sleeping bag was skinned open to expose him. John was stronger than him, and forced him face down, his cheek pressing into the concrete. Tugging at his jeans for access.    
  
“Please don’t.... PLEASE..... PLEASE....don’t hurt me...”   
  
“Tony...” The voice was husky and low with arousal. “pretty thing like you...you’ll always be able to pay your way. If you don’t fight me, it won’t hurt.” The body was heavy over his, as John exposed him, nudged his skinny thighs apart. His fingers tangled violently in his hair, and as he struggled, he slammed his face back to the pavement, so he felt the sharp tarmac cutting his cheekbone. He sobbed in pain and fear as he was forcibly breached, feeling like his body would split in two as the bastard violently thrust into him over and over again. The groaning in his ear, hot and low, made him feel sick. Then fingers were tight around his throat and he thought this was the end. This was how he was going to die. A pathetic end to a miserable life. Then the sweating, stinking man collapsed against him with a few last, deep, erratic thrusts like a dagger to his insides. Then he disentangled himself, and was gone. Crowley curled up in a foetal position, sobbing at the searing pain inside himself. The way his bowels churned and cramped in reaction to what had happened. He reached for the little bag, and for his kit. Soon the swooning rush of the heroin consumed his body. Smoothed over the ragged sparks of pain in his body. In his hips, his back, his heart, his bleeding arse. He followed the soft tide of numbness that swept through him over and over and over. Eventually he felt his consciousness fading. Not caring if he ever woke again.    
  
And that was how barely sixteen year old Antony Jasper Spencer became a broken man. Cold. Scared. Unwilling. Despite the warmth now spreading through his veins, he longed for the cold street beneath him to open up and devour him. He could only hang on to one thing. Bea wasn’t with their mother anymore. He wasn’t sure how long he could survive out here, but if his little Bumblebee was safe, every last second of this was worth it. He had saved her. His suffering had saved her. He only hoped that he wouldn’t last long out here. Or that he found the courage to end it himself.    
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
  
  
  
Crowley, thrashed in the bed. Eyes closed.    
  
“Please... please don’t.... NO! PLEASE STOP! I DON’T WANT TO!” His unseeing eyes rolled in his sockets, and Aziraphale tried so hard to hold him without triggering those panicked swings of his fists. the door opened and Bee was there. Dark shadows around their eyes.    
  
“Try and get his handzzz...” They said softly, coming to the bed, failing the first few times to catch hold of the flailing limbs. Aziraphale nodded, as they were successful, gently holding one in each of theirs. “Come on now, Crowley.... I’m here, Azzzi is here... we’ve got you... you’re safe. Wake up. you’re not there anymore. You're here. Itzzzz over.” He continued to thrash. His eyes still terrifyingly blank. Tears streaming from them.    
  
“Don’t..... don’t hurt me PLEASE! No.... I don’t want to... please!”   
  
“Shhhhh darling.” Aziraphale gently smoothed his hair away from his cheeks.    
  
“I DON’T WANT TO!” he collapsed in on himself, sobbing uncontrollably. Hands clenched tight around his middle as he curled into a ball with a long wail of misery. Aziraphale looked aghast.    
  
“Bee.... what is he dreaming about?........Was he....?”    
  
“He’zz never told me. But he sayzzz things like thiz a lot in his zleeep.....” Their eyes were wet again. “I.....I think..... I think he wazzz. He.... doezzn’t talk much about when he was zleeping rough.”   
  
“Oh, poor Crowley....”    
  
“Hey, don’t you szztart crying too.” They said gently, affectionately fistbumping him on the shoulder. “Thattwazzz a bad one.... normally I can bring him out of it. But it’zzz been a bad day. He’zzz always worse after a bad day.....look, you’re doing great at this.... the important thing iszzz, don’t try and rezztrain him when it happens. Get hizzzhandzzz, juszzzt hold and stroke them. Talk calmly and tell him he’zzz safe. You know what do ... you’re already doing it right.” Crowley whined and curled into the small of Aziraphales back. “’kay, I’ll leave you to it. Zeee you in the morning.”   
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Crowley's nights sleep continued to be restless and disturbed. Each time he startled awake, begging and frightened, he would cling to Aziraphale for comfort. Morning came, dawns light slowly filtering in through the window, turning Crowley's sea of blood red waves into a blazing flame. Aziraphale felt his heart quicken. He was SO beautiful. Finally sleeping peacefully again. He gently stroked him, enjoying the softness of his skin, the light dusting of freckles here and there. He felt he could look at him for hours. He hoped he would be able to look on those sharp, striking features for the rest of his life. He watched his eyelids tighten, flickering before sleepily opening, glowing like molten gold in the morning light.    
  
“SHIT! Did I oversleep?”    
  
“Don’t worry. Bee had the classes cancelled, and rearranged the appointments. You need to rest, love. Take some time out after everything that’s been happening..... and you had a very bad night.”   
  
“Yeah, no shit! …. Look, sorry, didn’t mean to be sharp.... you okay if I go and do my Yoga. Might smooth my brain out a bit. happy to make you some tea first. It looks nice out there today. You can sit out on the balcony with it if you like. Some breakfast maybe.”   
  
“Oh, don’t you worry about me. I know my way around a kitchen. Would you like me to cook you anything?”    
  
“Well, I wouldn’t say no to some bacon, egg and mushrooms if you’re up for it. I’ll be done in about half an hour.” he climbed out of bed, tugging on some loose trousers before kissing Aziraphale on the nose and heading out.    
  
  
  
  
  
  



	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bee starts to talk more openly with Aziraphale.   
> Aziraphale starts making plans to help Crowley get his head straight.

“I’ve ..... been.... thinking...” Aziraphale said warily as he joined Bee in the communal room, letting his eyes run appreciatively over  Crowleys beautiful bare torso in the morning sun as he stretched. Eyes closed. Hair tumbling around his shoulders.    
  
“Yezz?”    
  
“He needs help. He really does.” Bee nodded, face sad.    
  
“If  it’z too  much....? ”   
  
“NO! I’m not going anywhere... rather....do you think it would do him good to get away for a bit. A hiatus? Would the business be stable, if I was able to arrange that for a month? Maybe a few? I can.... I can temporarily close the shop with little issue. Most of my income is sourcing and restoration. And a lot of that can be done without me being on the premises. I can just  put up signage that we are temporarily working out of premises due to personal events, and how to contact me for repairs or specific requests. And... if that would put undue pressure on finances here, I can help. I CAN. As I’ve told him, my family is well off. Realistically, I never actually NEED to work. I just do because... well what else would I do with my time ..... I …. I inherited a cottage. By the sea. It's very peaceful. I could maybe see if he would be amenable to joining me there, to decompress as it were. And then when he’s stronger... you’re a therapist aren’t you?”   
  
“I am, but he  izz my brother. I can’t treat him. I  wazz THERE,  Azziraphale . He can’t talk to me about it in the way he  needz .”    
  
“No, I wasn’t suggesting... but you must know who would be suitable to help him come to terms with …. everything.”   
  
“He  doeszn’t stick with it.... he  getsz upset, then he cancels with them.”    
  
“Maybe.... I can help him feel ready. And.... well... I had the rest of my results this morning. I know you can hear him. Out of respect for YOU, maybe I should get him under another roof for a while.” Bee grinned, wicked little sharp looking teeth on display.    
  
“Very kind. I  szzuppose you two should get your honeymoon period out of the way out of earshot. I.... it doesn’t really bother me. Sex is sex, after all. We're not children anymore. I’d rather hear him fuck than hear him screaming for help.”  Aziraphales brow furrowed again. It made sense, but it was also hard to get his head around how unconcerned they were about it.    
  
“Bee... is that short for anything?”   
  
“It  waz .Now  it’zz not. It  waz Beatrice. We both changed our names, after we found each other again. I  wazz with a really nice family for years. The Youngs. Crowley  alwayz called me his Bumblebee, partly  becausze of my name, partly  becausze of my speech impediment.”   
  
“Oh.... I.... it’s really not that noticeable.” Bee smirked.    
  
“lying  iz not becoming on you  Azziraphale . I KNOW  it’z noticeable. They  alwaysz said I’d probably grow out of it, and it... never happened. Anyway, I  buzzzz .  So he called me Bumblebee. And, I got older... I realized that... I realized I didn’t feel like a girl. And I didn’t feel like a boy.  Sometimezz more one, others more the other. But neither really  fitsz . I’m just me. Biologically I’m a woman. And I’m fine with that. I  juzzt .... I don’t FEEEL like those  lables are REAL, if that  makeszz sense. Itz not that I don’t see myself as female. I don’t  Szee myself as ANYTHING, really. So...  Beatrizzzce . For a start, I can’t even say it properly. And it... it  soundsz like a  victorian lady.  It'z not me. So now,  it’zz just Bee. Like the insect. And Bee, Sapphire Young. I kept the middle name. We both had middle names of stones. And that  waszzz . That was like a thing we shared. It was  oursz , you see. And he....” Bee smirked “well, he kept his first and middle  namezz , but changed his surname. He  wazz very into occultism at the time, so, Crowley. And he  chozze to use that  az his name to friends.”   
  
“His middle name?”   
  
“Jasper.” came a clearer voice, as Crowley returned to the room. “It’s Jasper. It's a stone of protection. It... seemed right to keep it.”    
  
“ Crowley.. Dear...we were just talking.... come and sit down, I have an idea I want to run past you.”    
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
“...... so you see, I can afford to make up the loss of your earnings to Eden House while we are away. Bee agrees that it would do you good, some time to re-set. It seems that... meeting me, all that came with it, well, it’s kind of brought a lot of things to the surface that you have been keeping buried, you see.  So you are at a rather … rather a difficult time at the moment. And just as you are helping me with my aches and pains, I want to help YOU too. And my dear, if you carry on like this, you will burn out. We could probably both do with some time away, to work through all of the feelings that come with a new relationship. Is... is that something you could see your way to considering?” Crowley stood, reaching out for a hug. Aziraphale tugged him close. Brushing soft kisses against his ear. He lowered his voice. “Besides which, my love, I have the rest of my test results through, and I’m clean.... I don’t think it’s fair on Bee if we stay here over the next few weeks, do you?” Crowley held him even tighter.    
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Later that day, the train pulled out of Waterloo station, heading towards the coast. Aziraphale had his phone, and was arranging a delivery of essentials, and for cleaners to get there and air out and freshen up the cottage before they arrived. The  first class carriage was comfortable and spacious, but Crowley clung so close to Aziraphale that the bookseller joked that they might as well be hiding out in the train toilet.    
  
“I don’t think I want our first time to be in a train toilet, Aziraphale, much as I can hardly wait.”    
  
“I cancelled our meal in London for Saturday, as we won’t be there. how about I book us  something in town when we get there? I want to wine and dine you. And.... if you need me to, we don’t have to do anything right away. I’ve provisionally arranged us two months before either of us HAVE to return to work. Darling, there is NO RUSH to any of this. I know you’re going through a lot of turbulent and difficult feelings at the moment.” Crowley straddled  Aziraphales lap.    
  
“I want you.... I want you SO badly , ”   
  
“I want you too. So much. But... I don’t want to push you into anything before you are ready......” his voice lowered seductively. “by the time we lie together, I want you begging for my cock, aching for it. I want it to be all you can think of, do you understand, darling.”    
  
“Fuck, Angel!”    
  
“I can’t wait to start doing all the things I’ve  fantasised about with you. My love, when we get started, I don’t want to leave our bed for WEEKS, dearest. You're so beautiful... so strong ..... ” Aziraphale trailed hot kisses down  Crowleys long throat. “I admire you SO much for how you have endured so much, and you are still so giving... so full of love.” Crowley whimpered. The kind words giving him butterflies. “I adore you.... I worship at your feet, you divine creature...Oh Beloved....... I want to take you apart to your very atoms and take out all of the hurt and the pain, and put you back together with my adoration. With my praise. With my deep and enduring love for you....”    
  
“Oh Aziraphale...” he sighed, weak at his words. “Aziraphale...please ..... ”   
  
“Anything, love ..... anything.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale wines and dines Crowleyi in town, then they leave for the cottage.

  
  
Aziraphale wiped at the last of the raspberry coulis with one finger, popping it into his mouth, that blissful expression crossing his features again. Even though Crowley had been prepared this time for the sounds he made in his enjoyment of food, it wasn’t getting much easier to keep his anatomy under control with it. And now, here he was, sucking the last traces of his pudding from those fine, elegant fingers. His soft lips. His little pink tongue darting out to get every drop.    
  
Crowley leaned back in his seat. Sliding his lap down the chair, and further under the table, his wineglass loosely held in his long, artistic hands, a fond smile dancing over his lips. When he was satisfied not one particle of pudding remained on the plate, Aziraphale dabbed fussily at his lips with his napkin, wiped his hands and smiled indulgently back. Raised his glass as if in a toast. His eyes sparkling.    
  
“Is there anything else you’d like, before I get the bill?”   
  
“There’s only one thing I want, Angel.”    
  
“Oh?” He replied, head tilted coquettishly. “What might that be? Another coffee, perhaps?”   
  
“You know what I want, Aziraphale.”    
  
“Maybe I do. But I should very much like to hear you tell me what you would like.” He trailed his eyes hungrily over Crowley. “You really are spectacularly beautiful, you know. Your EYES are.... SO striking.” Crowley was blushing again, most adorably.”   
  
“I..... I don’t deserve you....”   
  
“Hmmmm. Well you’re stuck with me. I’ll keep trying to be worthy of you, my dear.”    
  
“That’s not what I meant.... I... you’re so good to me...so kind, you say such lovely things, and I... I think you overestimate my value. You deserve..... you deserve someone... normal. No, better. You don’t deserve to have to settle for someone as.... damaged …. as me.”   
  
“Why did you become a physio, my dearest?”    
  
“Because..... I wanted to help people... help people get their lives together after things to wrong....”   
  
“And why would you not deserve the same in return?” Crowley's eyes were deep anxious wells again. “You ARE worthy. All the help people offer you, you DESERVE. You deserve to heal, Anthony. And I want to help you heal. Even if..... even if this... us... doesn’t work out, I will be here for you, and I will do everything in my power to help you be strong. I PROMISE you. From the bottom of my heart. And.... there’s things we really need to talk about....”    
  
“We’re both clean..... there’s.... I’ve seen how you’ve changed after the other night. I can only surmise I was talking in my sleep again. And.... I know what I was dreaming about. Before, you were all guns blazing. Couldn't wait to get your hands on me. And now.... I get it... I do.... I WILL tell you about it, but... I don’t want you to be thinking about that when we... so... soon. I will tell you about it when I am ready, okay. I want..... I want just ONE night where you don’t look at me like I’m soiled goods.” Aziraphales hands rested over both of his.    
  
“My dear one... I.... I LOVE YOU. I told you I was falling. And now I know it. I’ve fallen. Everything you have been through.... it doesn’t mean you are tainted or less. You are SO strong. I love your strength. I love your compassion. My heart breaks for what you have suffered, but you are a beautiful and precious being, and I adore you. You are NOT soiled. You are not stained. You are..... ah. Japan. Yes. You are Kintsugi. You are veined with gold. I want to kiss and caress each precious scar of you. I cannot love you less because you have suffered. I love you more because you have been SO incredibly strong. So tell me, Crowley. What do YOU want?”   
  
“I want you...” He whispered, small and painfully hopeful. “I want you to take me to bed. I want to BE with you.”   
  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Aziraphale flung their cases into the boot of the taxi, rapidly giving the address for the cottage and an apology. Then, there in the back seat, they were all grasping hands and panting kisses. Deep and hungry and so so full of longing. Aziraphale's lips crushed hard into Crowleys, his adventurous tongue seeking deeply into his mouth, pulling moans of need from him. Aziraphale felt his skin become sensitive and tingly. He stroked his fingers back into that beautiful hair. Hair like a mermaid. His beautiful, tempting Siren. His serpent. His Stars and Sun and Moon. Crowley was tugging his shirt from his smart trousers, sliding up that divine, silky, creamy soft skin of his flanks and back. That hollow of the base of his spine. So soft, so strong.    
  
“My Angel!” Crowley gasped raggedly. “Oh, my Angel, my strength, my guardian...” His long legs tangled around Aziraphales thighs and the press of their bodies together was maddening. The engine stopped, startling them both back to the reality they’d been making out like horny teenagers in the back seat of the taxi.    
  
“AH, yes, here we are.” Announced Aziraphale, paying the cabbie and apologising once again for making an exhibit of themselves. He fetched the cases, and led Crowley down a pretty path through a colourful, informal front garden. He fumbled for his keys, pressing Crowleys back to the door, raining deep deep kisses into his eager mouth, down his elegant throat. Hitching his thighs over his broad hips.”   
  
“Hmmmm... this reminds me of our second appointment together.” He sighed. With the door open, he lifted Crowley bridal style, taking both cases in one hand, and was up the stairs in several bounds.    
  
“Bedroom!” He announced flinging a door open. “That door is to an ensuite. Now unless you need to use it, get on the bed, I can’t bear to wait much longer.” 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience. I've written and re written this chapter a few times over, because these stubborn bastards just weren't finding their mojo. Crowley was being too Needy. Aziraphale, ever the gentleman, was backing off as a result. basically they both had performance anxiety on me, and the scene just read flat. 
> 
> so, I vented my frustrations at some of my lovely fic friends, who made some nice suggestions. well, the bath suggestion worked. they found their momentum again before they even managed to run the bath. it just took the pressure off them JUST right.   
> you know who you are. you know I am grateful.   
> with your help, I managed to get these two back in the saddle and ready to go for it.

Aziraphale took his toiletries out of his case, placing them on the bedside table. He carefully removed his cufflinks and watch, placing them on a little silver tray. His eyes returned to Crowley's, and they were dark. Like a deep ocean. Like a stormy sky. Intense. He stepped closer, let his arms gently enfold him, tugging him tight to his own body. A huge, shuddering sigh shook his shoulders. Crowley nuzzled against his cheek, stroking his jaw as he reached for him with his lips. Aziraphale smoothed his jacket back off his shoulders, exposing his strong, lean arms. Crowley shrugged it off the rest of the way, letting the soft leather fall to the carpet.   
  
Aziraphale’s eyes appreciatively raked over his long neck, his sculptural collarbones, and the round bruises that marked them. His shaking hand smoothed down his back, cupping his firm, tight, and beautifully rounded buttocks.    
  
“I.... I meant to tell you how devastatingly distracting you are in these jeans.... I’m so used to you in your looser trousers..... this.... it’s different... it’s nice..... I appreciate the view.” Crowley grinned, making Aziraphale’s insides flutter. He tenderly caressed the pale, lightly freckled face before him. His thumbs brushing his high, sharp cheeks, the little creases at the corners of his eyes, his deceptively soft narrow lips, before leaning in for another kiss. The kiss started slow, almost wary. Crowley sighed into his mouth, grasping greedily for his thick, strong thighs, his plush arse.    
  
“Please, Aziraphale.....” He moaned. “Please fuck me..... I want you......you don’t have to be so careful with me, I won’t break.” Aziraphale growled, low and fierce. Folding to the bed, tugging him closer. He shouldered off his jacket and began to fumble with his shirt buttons, hands shaking. Crowley rested his long fingers over his. “It’s okay....” Crowley lay him down, straddling him kissed him deeply. His fingers were making short work of the buttons, and soon the offending garment was cast aside. Those hands massaging his shoulders before trailing down, his kisses following. His unusually long and agile tongue rasped over his nipples, raising them into peaks. Aziraphale made sweet little gasping sounds as Crowley nipped his way down that soft soft stomach. His lovely thick waist. Crowley rested his head there, gazing up adoringly as he began to unfasten the fly of his trousers and nuzzling the straining fabric of his pants.    
  
“OH DEAR GOD!” He gasped, unbelieving as Crowley tugged his waistband down and swallowed him down effortlessly, hollowing his cheeks obscenely on each stroke back up, before descending again. Nobody had ever taken him so deep. Aziraphale knew he was well built, Crowley must have a very well controlled gag reflex to do this. And that tongue of his! So mobile, twisting and rolling around him in ways that made his toes curl. Made his back arch, made his fingers tighten in Crowley's beautiful silken hair. Crowley's eyes were unfathomably deep gold, looking up along the rounded planes of his body to lock eyes as he sucked and licked with great enthusiasm. Moaning around that thick, heavy cock as if it were the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted.    
  
Aziraphale was falling apart already. Hot beads of precome already on Crowleys tongue. He gripped him firmly around his root and began a slow, even twist and stroke, focusing his attention to Aziraphale’s fiery hot head. Lapping at the moist slit of him until he shook. He lapped firmly at his frenulum, humming around him, the vibration maddening. “Oh Crowley...... Crowley.... I’m so close..... darling.... where..... where...... where do you want me to come?” Crowley curled the edge of his lip wickedly, and with a deep deep groan took him as deep as he could. Aziraphale’s eyes went wide as his head fell back. As his fingers tightened again in his hair “Oh...Oh my love.... Oh Crowley I...I.... AAAAHHHHHHHH!” He fell back panting. His hair sweat dampened and unruly. Crowley hummed happily as he cleaned him thoroughly with his tongue. Satisfied out how loose and jelly limbed the angel was beneath him. He crawled back up his body, pressing salty kisses into Aziraphale’s parted, panting lips. “That was......Oh my love..... That was SPECTACULAR! I.... I think you just sucked my brains out through my cock.....” Crowley laughed softly, with satisfaction at how undone Aziraphale was.    
  
“You are MAGNIFICENT... I want to do that every damn day until I die. You taste so good.” Aziraphale reached for his jeans, that now looked so painfully tight over his erection. He kicked his own remaining clothes away, gradually unwrapping Crowley's lean hips, his long, curved cock that flexed against the wine dark hair and pale, hollow stomach above it. Dripping obscenely.    
  
“Oh you are SO beautiful...”.Aziraphale stroked his elegant fingernails up Crowleys long thighs towards his beautiful, sharp hips. “Do you enjoy baths, Crowley.....? The bath here is incredible.... Would you join me, dearest?” Aziraphale took him lightly by the hand and opened the door to the en suite. The bath was large and very deep. The taps were central. Meaning both ends were comfortable. A perfect bath to share. Aziraphale reached over to turn on the hot tap, pouring in some rich bubble bath, with a scent of resinous herbs and heady florals. They shed what was left of their clothes, pressing their fully naked bodies together as the steam filled the room, kissing deeply. Hungrily. Aziraphale’s cock was still soft and sated, but the sensation of it against the hard swell of Crowley's erection was overwhelmingly good. Panting and flushed, Aziraphale turned Crowley to face the mirror over the counter. Pressing gentle kisses to the soft hollow behind his ear as his soft hands trailed slowly down his slender ribs. “Let me help you with this, hmmm?” He gripped gently, moaning at the feel of him in his hand, his eyes meeting the eyes of Crowley's reflection. Oh, so delightful. He slowed his strokes, as he had found in their previous intimacies seemed to please him greatly. Made his breath hitch sharply, his eyes closing languidly    
  
“Angel....” His knuckles blanched as he gripped the countertop. Head falling forwards with a low moan as he found his hips rolling into Aziraphale’s firm grip. The strong hips pressed into him from behind, so he was deliciously pinned between his angels body and his maddeningly talented hand. His body tightening as his Orgasm was building. Coiling like a serpent inside him, ready to strike. A keening sound forcing its way through his tight clenched teeth. With a bone deep shudder, Crowley went limp in Aziraphale’s arms, gasping. Aziraphale pressed his fervent kisses into his temple.    
  
“Oh, my beuatiful one.... my perfect, precious one... my love....You were SPECTACULAR! ….. I adore you.”   
  
  
As the water filled the bath, gradually adjusting the temperature, Aziraphale stepped into it, sitting back against the high end of the bath, swirling the bubbles in front of him invitingly. Crowley dipped in his long toe, before sinking in slowly, lying back against Aziraphale’s broad, warm chest under the fluffy, soft bubbles. With the taste of the angel on his tongue, Crowley drowsed against the broad shoulders under warm bubbles. 

After a brief catnap, feeling so warm and safe in the gentle caress of the water, against the soft cushion of his angel's thick chest, Crowley drifted back to the sensation of fingers massaging his scalp, gently working the water through his hair. Massaging in a lovely woody scented shampoo.    
  
“Back with me, my dear? You were so peaceful then..... Your hair is incredible. It's so long. And in such good condition. I fear my shampoo may not be up to your clearly high standards.”   
  
“Smells nice”    
  
“Yes, it does. It's my favourite.”    
  
“Smells like you”    
  
“Then I am even more glad you like it. Here, let me rinse it out for you.” Aziraphale reached for a jug, using it to pour the water back down over his crown. Careful not to let it spill forwards into his eyes. He reached for another bottle, massaging a generous amount through the ends of Crowley's waves that felt like silk in the water, swirled like seaweed. After he had rinsed it back out, he stepped carefully from the bath, holding a hand out for Crowley to take. Wrapping a soft dressing gown around him, and toweling his hair until it was drier. They returned to the bedroom, much more relaxed now. Aziraphale was glad. He wanted to savour every moment of this with him.    
  
They lay together on the bed, snuggling and peaceful. Aziraphale’s fingers trailed through Crowley's hair, over and over, until the warmth of them dried the silky blood red tendrils, and they were so soft. Lustrous like a pearl.    
  
“Hmmmm..... this is nice.”    
  
“Yes, it is. You are SO beautiful. You....you divine creature. I love you. I love you I love you I love you.” Aziraphale pressed his greedy mouth to the nape of Crowley's neck, brushing his long hair to one side so he could kiss slowly down his spine. Crowley's backside was up in the air, and Aziraphale lightly and squeezed at his divine buttocks. So round. So firm. So very pert. As he reached the base of his spine, he massaged his arse, rolling the strong muscles in outward circles that made Crowley's sphincter flutter. And then he nosed his way down further still, a low, needy moan as he swept his tongue up the crease of him. Crowley wailed. He had of course heard about this, but none of his exes were into it. Fuck it felt amazing. The wet, slow strokes as Aziraphale absolutely buried his face in him. Then he pressed forward even more, his tongue easing him open around its tip    
  
“OH FUCK!.... don’t stop, that’s....... that’s.....” Aziraphale hummed happily in response. Well of COURSE he knew what it was like. Fucking decadent, gorgeous, adventurous horny as fuck ANGEL that he was! Aziraphale’s fingers massaged at his hips, pulling him harder against his eager mouth. Crowley collapsed forwards; face pressed into the pillow as he sobbed with pleasure. Aziraphale was swatting at the table for his bag. Crowley grabbed it and found a bottle of lubricant, there at the top. Tossed it onto the bed beside them. Aziraphale’s spit slicked finger slowly pressed in with his probing tongue, while the other hand reached for the bottle. Crowley's body began to sing under his touch. Aziraphale warmed the bottle between his thighs before adding more to his hand. His tongue slipping out, making Crowley whine at that loss, before the next finger slipped inside, slowly circling, massaging inside him while thrusting slowly. Suddenly it was as if an electric charge shot through his body, when Aziraphale found and knuckled slowly and firmly into his sensitive prostate.    
  
“Yes... sing for me love.... sing for me, my Siren.... Call me onto your rocks, I go willingly....”Aziraphale guided him over onto his back, tugging a cushion beneath him. his fingers retreating, making him feel so empty.    
  
“FUCK, you’re so big!”   
  
“So they tell me.” Aziraphale smiled gently, squirting more lube into his palms, warming it further. “Now. I want you to tell me EXACTLY what you want me to do.”    
  
“I want you to stop holding back like I’m some frightened little virgin bride! I want you to get that thick cock of yours and fuck me with it until I can think of nothing else. PLEASE Angel.... you have no idea how much I want you right now. I want YOU Angel... I want you... please.... please.” Crowley lovingly caressed his angels concerned face. Aziraphale nodded, bringing Crowley's legs wider hooking them over his waist. He massaged the lubricant up and down his thick, sturdy erection. he carefully guided it between Crowleys buttocks, finding him soft and receptive after his previous attentions.    
  
“Are you sure?” Crowley nodded, mouth slack with want, as he tugged at his lovely behind, pulling him towards him. Aziraphale sagged as he pushed slowly forwards, Crowleys body tightening around him. Gripping him. Panting, with small rolls of his broad hips, Aziraphale worked until he was fully, deeply seated inside him. Crowley's eyes were like molten gold. like honey. Like the sun through autumn leaves. He was the most beautiful thing Aziraphale had ever seen, just the barest crease to his brow. his lips parted in soft, breathy sighs.    
  
“ANGEL!” He gasped out. “Ohhhh Angel....” Aziraphale’s shoulders heaved, his eyes SO wide... so enraptured.    
  
“You feel so good....” Whimpered Aziraphale, as he began to find his stroke. “OH FUCK! oh fuck you’re good, Oh Crowley!” Crowley's face was slack with pleasure.    
  
“Please.....Angel, I..... oh......” Crowley's black painted fingernails dug hard into the soft swell of those strong, silky thighs and buttocks. His entire body quivering. Aziraphale’s mouth smashed against Crowley's as their bodies thrust passionately together, Crowley rocking his hips to meet every grind into him. Crowley's hands slid up to rest softly on Aziraphale’s beautiful, broad shoulders Aziraphale trailed his soft lips against the inside of his wrists, such tender kisses. One hand coming up to interlock their fingers. He was sure he had never seen those eyes so deep blue green. They were so changeable. They were like nothing he could describe. Raising his hips further, he thrust back up into each downward grind. His breath quickening. “Aaaaangel...... I.... I want you tio come inside me..... fill me.... fill me Angel.... I am yours...”    
  
a look of shock flitted across Aziraphale’s soft features, his Orgasm barreling into him out of the blue, stealing his breath. His body folded, his thrusting hips spilling into the heat inside this amazing human being. Crowley felt his own body milking the cock inside him as he too reached his peak.    
  
Aziraphale was heavy on him. Breathing hard. His eyes closed. His hands shaking. He managed to convince his eyes to let him see, laughing softly as their eyes met.    
  
“Hmmmmmm..... Oh dear, that was.... that was wonderful...”   
  
“Aziraphale.” Crowley said in a small, vulnerable voice. “I..... I love you too.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley wake up in each others arms. 
> 
> Aziraphale starts telling Crowley more about his family.

One thing about being back in the countryside that Aziraphale had forgotten. As the faint blush of dawn began to creep into the sky, it started cautiously. A few lone voices, announcing it was time. And gradually a full chorus of birds in song. Crowley stirred beside him, snuggling closer, his lips curled in a soft smile.    
  
“’ zirphale ......” He sighed sleepily. Nuzzling into his back, long arms coiled around him. Aziraphale felt the warmth spilling in his chest. He was asleep. he was dreaming. Crowley was dreaming of HIM, and he was sleeping peacefully. He snuggled down further under the quilt, turning so he could let his eyes wander those beautiful features, rest his palm over the beating of his heart. Rest his forehead to his, so their breath mingled upon their lips. Crowley stirred in his sleep again, laying his long fingers over Aziraphale’s hand. Aziraphale let himself drift back to sleep.    
  
When he woke again, the room was much brighter, and he could feel fingertips gently caressing his cheek.    
  
“ Mornin ’ Angel” Crowley  murmured, eyes sleep soft.”   
  
“Good morning my dearest. Did you sleep well?”    
  
“I don’t think I’ve ever HAD such a good  nights sleep in my life. I feel refreshed.”   
  
“It is very peaceful here.... no traffic noise, just the birdsong....”   
  
“I don’t think that’s why, Angel. It's because I’m here with you. It's because... I feel so safe... so protected. I’ve never ever had that......and.... and who doesn’t sleep better after mind blowing sex. A few good orgasms under the belt, out like a light.” Aziraphale chuckled.    
  
“You enjoyed it then?”    
  
“Oh, Angel... there are NO WORDS.... I must admit, I’m rather hoping for a repeat performance.”   
  
“Hmmm... build up an appetite for breakfast perhaps? I think that could be arranged. Aziraphale leaned in for another kiss, the slow, firm press of his lips and tongue making Crowley sigh and open to him like a flower. He trailed his kisses along his jaw, biting at his throat as he descended. “Now, I believe....” he whispered between adoring kisses. “that there is a delightful snack waiting for me before breakfast ..... I very much... look forward to tasting it.” if Aziraphale’s moans drove him wild when they were eating, the sounds he made now were even more arousing.    
  
  
*************************************   
  
  
Crowley sat at the kitchen table. The conservatory  french doors opened out onto a beautiful garden. Informal, but well loved. There was even a damn wooden swing hanging from an apple tree branch. It surely couldn’t be more idyllic if it tried. He folded his long fingers around his cup of coffee, that Aziraphale had  apologised profusely for, as, not being a coffee drinker, he had no fancy machine. But it was decent. Freshly ground by the deli when they put together the hamper for the cottage, and made in a cafetiere. The warmth of it, and the rising bitter scent was a wonderful morning ritual. Aziraphale breezed around the kitchen, humming along with the classical music on the radio, a man utterly content.    
  
“I thought you said that you didn’t have much to do with your family? How did you come to inherit this place?”   
  
“AH, Yes, well it was my Great Uncle Zens place.”    
  
“Zen? Unusual name.”    
  
“He was an unusual Fellow. And my Great Grandmother was quite the character too. Turned a  fair few heads . Ruffled feathers. I should have liked to have known her better. Apparently, she was quite the scandalous woman! Even as a very old lady, she had a wicked sense of  humour and the most sparklingly mischievous eyes. Of course, I was too young to hear her stories. They were considered to be far too racy for a child's ears. Well, My Great Uncle Zen, he was a lifelong bachelor. He kept a live in gardener, if you catch my drift.    
  
Well, he took a great liking to me. Saw a lot of himself in me, I suppose. He always supported me, even when my father was starting to suspect. We used to visit him a lot when I was little. My Grandfathers townhouse is only... hmmm, about half an hours drive from here. And when we visited him, well, my parents would, but he wasn’t overly fond of children, so we used to be shipped off to Uncle Zens during family visits. And it was a house more suited for gatherings. So, my father would visit grandfather, and during the visit, they would come over for the occasional day out or Sunday lunch here, all together. He built us the treehouse. The swing. We would play for hours in the garden, paddle in the stream and try to catch fish. It was wonderful.    
  
And... well, over time, I became more and more the black sheep of my family, Uncle Zen took me even more under his wing. So.... when he ..... he left it all to me. Because I had been.... disowned. Cut out of the will. And he was determined that I not lose out on my share of the family wealth.  So I inherited the shop and the cottage. And... well, my sister and I used it for our holiday retreat for years. My nieces love it here too. And sometimes, Gabriel comes down here with them. When it’s.... the anniversary, we all come down ..... we ..... her ashes.... we scattered them at the beach. So, we come down here to remember her. It's lovely to see the girls playing in the garden, like we used to.    
  
It’s a real haven, here, Crowley. It’s got such a  ..... a peace about it.  So when I saw how much you were struggling, I knew I had to bring you here. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale continue to chat over breakfast.   
> Crowley feels like he is able to start taking the first hesitant steps towards recovery.

Aziraphale rummaged through the hamper in the pantry deciding what needed to go in the refrigerator, and what could stay in the cool room. He gathered a bundle of things for the fridge, and back in the kitchen, plated his home made, lacey light sourdough crepes with generous dollops of cream cheese, fine slivers of fragrant smoked salmon and little spoonfuls of lumpfish roe. He took a slotted spoon, and to each plate added a perfectly poached egg, and added a sprinkle of dried pepper dulse seaweed, crisped bacon lardons and cracked sea salt. He set the plates down on the kitchen table, bringing a single cut rose from the garden in a glass bottle as a vase. Crowley lifted the pale pink, blousy bloom to inhale its heady aroma. Then he took up his fork, and eagerly cracked open the egg, its bright golden orange yolk spilling out over the plate.    
  
“Aziraphale this is.... remarkable.... where did you learn to cook like THIS?”

  
“Ah, well. The eggs. They are technically our hens, or rather, the descendants of our hens. You see, when I inherited the cottage, Uncle Zen had a wonderful flock of hens. After he died, we arranged with our nearest neighbour that she take the girls, and to this day, she keeps their descendants. And whenever we are here, we buy the eggs from her. She has an honesty box at her gate. And we always get these eggs. They are quite exceptional. There is nothing like an egg from a hen free to eat grass and weeds and insects, and to play and roam and forage. Wonderful aren’t they. She also brings over some of the sourdough starter every time we come back. Which is why I was able to make these DELECTABLE Crepes. Like I said. I like to cook. Mostly because I love to eat. And seeing as I live alone, well, if I want to eat delicious food, I need to know how to make delicious food. So it has always been rather a hobby of mine. Although,” He said conspiratorially, “I must admit I am not averse to a dirty kebab at the end of a night out with the boys. And there are times I would bite your arm off for a cheap cheeseburger and fries, let me tell you.” Crowley chuckled.    
  
“Your sordid secret is safe with me, Angel.” He smiled, gesturing a cross over his chest. “Mmmmm this IS delicious..... I don’t think I’ll ever uncover all of your secrets. You surprise me every single day.... and to think, I was expecting a rough tough, lewd and lairy rugby player.”   
  
“Oh, my dear, trust me, I can drink and belch and fart and sing rude songs in the hot tub with the best of them.” His eyes twinkled wickedly. “I like to think I make my great grandmother proud. I only LOOK like an innocent, boring old fuddyduddy.”    
  
“You DO NOT!” Crowley objected. “You’re..... you’re..... you’re beautiful, Angel. Genuinely beautiful. I couldn’t believe my eyes when we met. God, keeping myself professional when I was TOUCHING you. that was incredibly difficult. I’m not even ashamed to admit it, the first thing I did when I got home was go for a shower and a wank.” Aziraphale blushed beautifully. “Wait..... Angel?” Aziraphale was fighting the beginnings of a smirk. “Well, you dirty bugger! You did, didn’t you?!” Aziraphale looked away coyly. Flirty little bastard.    
  
“Well, I was thinking. If you have the energy, would you like to go to the beach this afternoon? Nothing like a walk along the shoreline to blow away those cobwebs... and the car could probably do with a run out, it’s been a while.”   
  
“You drive?”    
  
“Ah, yes. When I’m here, anyway. A car isn’t practical in London, really, and seeing as I live above the shop, and we have the tube, and the buses, well, it seemed more trouble than It's worth to take the car back to London. Well, Cars. The other doesn’t run. My Great Uncle Zen loved to tinker with old vehicles. He never did finish getting her back on the road. But my little runaround is a nice car. She's a bit temperamental, but has never let me down TOO much.”   
  
“I like cars.”   
  
“And here’s you saying I’M the one full of surprises.”   
  
“Well, I told you, didn’t I, okay, well not everything. I told you how I got back off the streets and got clean because I wanted to try and get custody of Bee. Well, that never happened. Not once I realised she was being so well cared for, and that with my issues being so recent, there wasn’t a hope in hell. But once I was clean, her foster parents took me in too. Let me live with them. And Arthur, he had an old Morris Minor, and was determined that me ‘n Bee, we should have life skills. So, we both used to help him tinker under the bonnet at weekends. And he taught us both to drive. Although... ha... neither of us are as um... placid behind the wheel as he is. Again, like you, living in London, in a flat on site for work, having a car was always a luxury I couldn’t really justify. I love driving though. Sometimes I go for those driving experience days, for the thrill of it.”   
  
“Ah, well if you fancy a project, I am more than happy to let you loose on the other car. See if you can get her roadworthy again. She's a beautiful car. Shame to have her gathering dust in the workshop after all this time. And if you get her going, she’s yours. Only fair. And I’ll pay for any parts you need to buy. ”    
  
“Yeah, that sounds great.” Aziraphale cleared away the dishes, filling the sink with hot, soapy water. “Hey, you cooked, I’ll wash up.”    
  
“There’s really no need dear.”    
  
“Okay, I’ll dry up then. You wash, I’ll dry. Teamwork makes the dream work, and all that shite.” 

  
  


***********************************   
  
  
  
  
The breeze whipped Crowley’s long hair around his face, and the salty sea air filled his lungs. He felt like he was being cleansed. The sand between his toes was cool and damp, as the waves would rush at his ankles, sucking the sand away from beneath his feet on its retreat. He cast his eyes over the ocean, the dancing reflections of the sun flashing and dancing on the waves. Aziraphale hugged him against his chest, his muscular forearms around his waist. Crowley breathed deeply, and let it out in a long sigh, feeling as if he was releasing some of the heavy chains he carried. For maybe the first time ever, he started to believe that he was going to be alright. 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bee checks in.

“Izzz everything good? How are you feeling?” A hard little voice rapidly clattered down the phoneline. “are you eating enough? How are you szleeping?”   
  
“Oh Bee.... it’s... it’s so lovely here. So CALM. We walked on the beach earlier. Paddled at the edge of the sea. The cottage... where It is it’s SO peaceful, and the night sky is SO dark, and the stars so bright. I.... I didn’t have a nightmare last night. Not at all. We went out for a meal, then came back here, then.. Um... and in the morning I felt..... I felt like a new, crisp page in a notebook. I’ve never slept so well in my life. And Aziraphale has a couple of old cars. An old Landy, and …. oh, I forgot to ask, but the other one doesn’t run. He said I can make it my project if I like. He'll pay for any parts I need to get it running. He...., he thinks having a project would do me good. It was his great uncle's place. I’ve no idea how old the car is. He said it was his great grandmothers. Apparently, she was quite a character. His uncle too.”   
  
“You’re eating enough?” 

"I don’t think I’d get away with it if I didn’t. He is an AMAZING cook. Made sourdough crepes this morning, with caviar and smoked salmon. It was lovely. And then we went for a walk on the beach. He's making dinner at the moment. Smells amazing. What is it, angel?!” Aziraphale shouted back. “soy glazed chicken thighs with broccoli and sesame noodles. He knows I like Japanese food. It smells amazing.”   
  
“Are you getting to relaxx at all?” 

  
“Oh, Bee. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so relaxed. I think..... I think he was right, this IS doing me a lot of good.... and.... well, the stuff that’s not up for discussion, that’s really good too.”   
  
“GROSSZZZZ, TONY! FUCK!”   
  
“Well, it’s true. How's Bug?”   
  
“Szhe was looking for you, but she’z a cat, so she decided fuck you, I’m going to go and szhit in your bed for when you come home.” Crowley laughed.   
  
“How are you? Everything okay?”   
  
“Your Friday Himbo showed up he didn’t get the message you weren’t in. So, I got him to book in for a relaxation massage with Sol, instead. Did you know he’zz Ziras brother-in-law?”   
  
“Yeah, I didn’t right off. I just knew that Gabe had recommended me for him. He was... his sister... she... died. Her and Gabe have two daughters.”   
  
"What do you think of himm? Gabriel? “   
  
“Aziraphale says he’s a bit brash and over the top, but that he’s always been there for him. I think... I think they’re closer than they let on. He says Gabe is all bark and no bite. He's a good dad, and was a good husband. He moved over here to be with his sister.”   
  
“Hmmm, he’zz pretty. Ever notizzed his eyezz? They're..... a strange sort of violet colour.”   
  
“Yeah, Aziraphale said, the girls have got his eyes. Well, mostly. The youngest has one eye like his, and the other the blue grey that comes from his side..... wait...... Bee, do you LIKE him?”   
  
“I don’t know. He seemzzz nice. He'zz cute. He'zzzz.... a bit of an arsze, but everyone I love is anyway.”   
  
“Bee....”   
  
“He aszzked if we can go for coffee. I like him. If you szay he is bad, I will bear it in mind. But.... can you find out a bit more for me? I think I like him. I want to get to know him better.”   
  
"Just...... Bee, be careful, yeah. You know I care about you a lot. I love you. You're all I’ve got. I don’t think he’s going to be dangerous or cruel or.... but I just want you to be careful. Okay. I’m not there to look after you.”   
  
“Yeah... Tony, you know I’m careful. Emotionally and phyzzically.”   
  
“just... just don’t jump in too deep until I’ve talked to Zira about him, okay. I’m sure he’s okay, but … maybe sort a double date with Anathema and her new flame, what’s his name, Frog?”   
  
“Newt. Newton. Absolute geek. Seems too pure for thiszz world. Putty in her hands.”   
  
"yeah, do that. I’ll ask Aziraphale about Gabriel a bit more. Don't throw your heart on the table yet, eh? But from what little I’ve heard, and how he is with me, he seems okay. Always polite in an American sort of way,” 

“Azz if I would... you’re doing good though, yeah?” 

“Couldn’t be better, right now. I.... I REALLY like him, Bee. He's kind. He's sweet and funny. He's.... nah, you don’t want to know that, but just take my word for it, we are very um... compatible....and I love it here. I feel so rested. it’s.... it’s like I can actually breathe properly, if you know what I mean.”

“Good. You keep me updated, yeah? love you.” 

“will do. Love you too, Bee. Behave yourself for me. Miss you. Speak soon.” 

“Bye. Don’t have TOO much fun, eh?” she hung up. Crowley smiled and headed for the kitchen. Aziraphale was setting the table. The smell of the food was very enticing.

“You sit down dear, I'll sort everything out.” Aziraphale brushed his hand across Crowley's shoulder as he passed him, fetching a bottle of wine from the counter by the range, where he had put it to breathe. Crowley sighed happily at the sound of the wine pouring into the glasses. Wiggling his bare toes beneath the table. Aziraphale brought the plates to the table, beautifully presented, with a smattering of finely sliced spring onions and chillies on top, and a sprinkling of golden sesame seeds. Aziraphale unfastened his apron hanging it on its hook before sliding into his own seat, taking up his chopsticks.

“Aziraphale... this is... incredible. It smells so good.”

“TUCK IN!” 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one week on from arriving at the cottage, Crowley learns something new about himself. 
> 
> CW. bondage. kink negotiation. referenced edging.

Crowley stretched out luxuriantly on the bed. All of the days at the cottage had been nice, and there had been rather more than seven of them. They had spent their time walking on the beach, eating delicious home cooked meals, and making love as often as they could. His nightmares had only visited twice, and he recovered more quickly from them, back to sleep in those strong, safe arms again. Just jolting awake to soothing hushed comforting words. Things felt so much less out of his control here. He would get up, do his yoga, and Aziraphale would join him, doing his stretches. He was standing better, and moved a lot more freely. They were both making good progress, and they were making that progress together. He even found that his appetite was less finicky, now he was being lavished with so much delicious food, made with such love. He was glad of their frequent and vigorous activities, otherwise he could easily get chubby on Aziraphale’s cooking. Good thing, then, that he was so eager in their bedroom cardio. His black eye was fading already, along with it, the pang of guilt he felt each time he saw it.    
  
Aziraphale wrapped his leg across Crowley’s, rolling to lean against him. Smiling affectionately.    
  
“My dear.... waking up to you every morning is more than I ever dared dream of.” He trailed his hand slowly down Crowley's chest. The light scatter of wine-red hairs, the sensitive, rose pink nipples. When he sighed and pressed into the touch, Aziraphale followed his fingers with his lips. Crowley let his head fall back, submitting utterly to his angel's attentions. “So beautiful for me, stretched out like this... a canvas for me to create an artwork of pleasure.” Crowley whined needily. “ Hmmmm .....I wonder.... and remember you CAN say no, you never have to do anything you don’t want... Understand... but I think you might enjoy it if I were to tie you to the bed.” Crowley was shocked by the feral, lusty sound that forced its way out of his chest, his cock throbbing at the suggestion. “ Hmmmm .... now that sounded very much like a yes, but I need you to use your words for me now, okay?”    
  
“OH GOD YES! Aziraphale... fuck. That.... I want that... yes.” Crowley had never tried bondage before. There had been exes that suggested it, but normally the idea made him feel vulnerable and anxious. But when Aziraphale said those words, the spike in his heartrate was definitely not from anxiety. His cheeks were flushed, his heart pounded.”    
  
“Hmmm. I should have thought to pack some of my toys, but I wasn’t sure if that might seem somewhat forward of me.... what can I  use....? Ah! Stay right there!” Aziraphale fetched his soft dressing gown, unhooking the waist cord from it. “Yes, this is nice and soft. It won’t hurt your lovely sensitive skin. Aziraphale straddled him, trailing his fingers along the undersides of Crowley's pale, lightly freckled arms, weaving his fingers between his, when his arms rested lightly above his head on the pillow. “Yes.... you really are lovely, aren’t  you...”   
  
“ Pleeeeeease ” he panted.    
  
“Hmmm... begging already? Now this IS going to be fun. But first we lay some ground rules, my love. First of all, are you familiar with the traffic light system. In the bedroom, not on the road?”   
  
“No... I’ve... I’ve not done anything like this before ....I. .... is it like a  safeword thing?”   
  
“Yes, it is. Now I will check that you are doing well, mentally and physically, at intervals. If you are enjoying yourself, and wish to continue as we were, then you tell me Green. Now the other  colours , you use at ANY point you need to. You mustn’t feel that you need to wait for me to ask. If something is uncomfortable, going too hard, too far or too fast, or you simply want to change something about it for your wellbeing, you tell me Amber, got it?” Crowley nodded. “And if you tell me Red, I will immediately cease what I am doing, remove any restraints, and do whatever it is you need to feel okay, do you understand?” Crowley nodded again. “WORDS, dear. I must be absolutely certain you understand, and that you will use them if you need to. I will not let you just ‘grin and bear it’ so to speak. The moment ANYTHING is uncomfortable or upsetting, you tell me, and I change what we are doing or stop entirely. So. Tell me what the words are, and tell me that you won’t hesitate to use them if you need them.”   
  
“Aziraphale... I will tell you...and  errm . Green is  go . Amber is  take a moment to adjust or slow down. Red is stop immediately.”    
  
“Good Boy.” Crowley felt almost  embarrassed at how his words affected him.  Well there was a surprise. Learning new things about himself. His praise made him feel like a  purring cat. Made him preen. Made him blush. Made him harder. Aziraphale gently bound his wrists together, tying them to the metal bedframe. “Now, at home, I have a solid wooden carved headboard, as you know. But that needn’t be an issue. If you enjoy this, I have a harness set that is fitted under the mattress. Not had the opportunity to use it for years and years though.”   
  
“FUCK! I know you said you had experimented a lot... but.... this is all a rather delightful surprise.”   
  
“Yes. It's not what many people expect of me. People tend to think I’m a quiet little fumble missionary style. But... I can assure you, dear... there are a billion things I want to do to you. All of them FILTHY.” Crowley whined again desperately, rocking his hips where Aziraphale straddled him.  “ Now ... remember to use your words, and let me enjoy you like this.”    
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Crowley was trembling as Aziraphale continued worshipping every inch of him. His orgasm was so close, yet so elusive. Aziraphale had brought him to the edge over and over, and he felt like he might explode. The fucking kinky bastard had used a fucking tartan bowtie as a makeshift cock ring, keeping him almost painfully hard, and he LOVED IT. His head was swimming with the sensations. He felt almost as if he were having some kind of out of body experience while also being hyper-aware of every nerve.    
  
“ Pleeeeeeeeeease ”    
  
“Please what, dear?”    
  
“Please let me come.... please”    
  
“Not yet dear. Unless...  colour ?”    
  
“ Greeeeeeeeeeeeen ” he moaned desperately. “couldn’t be greener ..... I’m all fucking emerald city over here, Angel ..... I’m ..... I’m the green  green grass of home.... I’m Ireland ..... just.... just fuck me, please.”   
  
“Hmmm.... but will you last long enough to satisfy me, darling. Can you be a good boy a little longer?”   
  
“Yes... yes anything.... just.... touch me ..... please.” Aziraphale smirked wickedly, pulling a bolster cushion under Crowley's hips to raise them. At  first he thought he was going to fuck him, but his lips swept down his body eagerly, and, shockingly, bypassing his aching cock. And then, to his absolute bafflement, Aziraphale was on his back, beneath his raised hips, his soft, fluffy hair tickling his thighs as he arched his  back , pressing his lips firmly and probingly to his  arse . “FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!” Crowley snarled as that heated wet tongue explored him eagerly. He strained at his ties, squirming deliciously. Aziraphale reached back above his head to grip Crowley's heated, dripping dick, stroking deliciously. Crowley was coming apart at the edges, his toes, clenched at Aziraphale’s flanks flexed and tightened reflexively. He could hardly breathe with his pleasure, and he came so hard he felt spatters of hot liquid hitting his own chin. He went limp, his breathing harsh and ragged, as Aziraphale, suddenly all business, untied him, rubbing his wrists in case the cord had been too tight or rubbed. He pressed a happy, sated kiss to Crowley's temple, where his hair was sweat damp and where his eyes could barely open. he was floating. Drifting. “Angel....  “ He slurred weakly. “feel... strange....”    
  
“Good strange or bad strange?”    
  
“Good.”    
  
“Okay, that’s normal. I’ll explain it to you when you're fully back with me, but it’s normal and it will pass. I’ll get you a glass of water. When you're a little recovered, I'll make breakfast. If you feel like you’re crashing, tell me, but let me reassure you, it's all normal.... and I’ve got you, and you’re safe, my love. You'll always be safe with me... alas, I think the bow tie was collateral damage. never mind. small price to pay for such a work of art." 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first, some soppy fluff. Aziraphale and Crowley discuss how being dominated made him feel, and Aziraphale explains about subspace. 
> 
> then.   
> More angst. 
> 
> CW. everything Crowley has been through, he tells Aziraphale.   
> about his childhood neglect and abuse. the "accident"   
> about his time in hospital and dependence on his medication  
> running away. getting hooked on heroin.   
> being raped, and turning to prostituting himself to get by.   
> violence and abuse on the streets.   
> being stabbed, hospitalised, and his efforts to get back to real life. 
> 
> on a nicer side, his time with the Youngs, in Japan, and how he and Bee made a future for themselves.

The stream at the end of the garden was dappled with the sunlight through the trees. Aziraphale had brought a blanket and some snacks and drinks down there, where they could sit, peacefully in the sunshine, and relax. Crowley was lying on his back, dark glasses hiding his lovely eyes, and his hair fanned out on  Aziraphales lap, where those  well manicured fingers trailed gently across his scalp, making it tingle deliciously. That warm, fuzzy, floaty feeling was gradually receding. Aziraphale fondly glanced away from his book. Once again, the light behind him made a pure white flare of his cloud-soft curls, and Crowley grinned back lopsidedly.    
  
“How are you feeling now, dear?”   
  
“ Hmmmm .... really good.... what the hell was THAT you did to me, Angel? I... I never felt like that...”   
  
“Well, my dear, what I  realised about you this  morning, is that you have a massive submissive streak. You love to be protected. You love to give over your welfare and wellbeing to someone who you trust. Maybe you’ve just not ever trusted enough to  realise what you needed before. When I took control for you, you were able to completely relinquish responsibility, and JUST BE. Just let it happen. You stopped second-guessing yourself. You stopped JUDGING yourself, and just became a vessel for pleasure. And that sort of pleasant, floaty, hypnotic feeling is something they call subspace. I wasn’t at all surprised to find that you entered it really quite easily. It doesn’t happen for everyone. But I suspected it would for you, and I was right.”    
  
“ So what does that mean? For me, I mean? Does it mean... is this like... I don’t know, does it make you my master or something.?”    
  
“Only if that’s how you want to see it. But you needn’t read anything much into it. You don’t need to label yourself or me accordingly. All it means is that you enjoy letting someone take care of your needs. You needn’t even think of yourself as a submissive if you don’t feel a need. But I suspected you would enjoy it. I was able to read it in the way your body responds to certain things. It means, we have found another thing that brings you pleasure. And there’s no need to call it anything. Just enjoy it. You may find you like to be the dominant sometimes too. I.... I am mostly …. I like to take care of my companion. To have them give themselves to me completely. Your pleasure is my pleasure. Sometimes I like to submit. Not as often. But I’m not averse to.... um.... what I mean is ..... ”   
  
“Aziraphale, you can tell me. It's not like you to be coy.”   
  
“Okay... I like to, sometimes, be tied up and used most roughly. It really lets off some steam.”  Crowley's mouth was something of an O shape at this.    
  
“I.... I don’t know if I would.... I mean.”   
  
“Darling, I told you, I would never make you do something you don’t want. And that goes for making you do things to me that you don’t want to do, as well as not accepting things done to you  you do not enjoy. If you do ever want to try it, you now know it’s something I like. But I fully understand if you don’t want to... it’s.... it’s the forceful  behaviour , isn’t it?” Aziraphale could see the beginnings of a clench in  Crowley's jaw. A tension in his lips. He nodded, swiping at the corner of an eye under his glasses. “May I take these off, dear?” he nodded again, and Aziraphale carefully put them to one side. He wasn’t surprised to see the start of tears welling. “okay, deep breaths. Eyes on me. Breathe in, count to four. Good. Hold. And release, count to four ..... very good. Deeper this time, breathe all the way. Splendid. You were starting to escalate then ..... do you.... want to talk about anything?”   
  
“I.... I... yes....”   
  
“Take your time. Stop any time you need. I’m here for you and  you’re safe, understand?”    
  
The whole sorry story began to come out. Of how they were fed very little. How their mother would leave them alone for days at a time, and be angry and beat him if he “stole” food while she was away, even though they were both so hungry. How he had to find sneaky ways to eat more. Like taking a few slices of bread from it when it was still fairly full, so it wouldn’t be obvious. Not consecutive slices, or the change in the bread shape might give him away. How he would sneak food packaging into his coat, to dispose of at school, so she wouldn’t find it in the bin. How they would eat hurriedly, and wash up and dry up and put away the evidence. Most of the food he was able to sneakily access, he gave to Bee. He always went to bed hungry. They had a bare mattress on the floor between them. No heating. How it was the verbal abuse that hurt the most. That made him feel bad and worthless and unwanted. How she told him that having him was the worst mistake of her life. That he should have left him in a ditch when he was born. about how his accident wasn’t really an accident. She had pushed him, while he had tried to fight her off, trying to strangle him.    
  
Then in hospital, unable to walk and in a lot of pain, how he started to give up hope. He had tried so hard with his physio, and after a few years could walk a little, but with a great deal of pain. And then they started trying to wean him off his pain medication. So, not thinking straight, he’d left. Ran away. When somebody found him in an alley, shaking and sweating and sobbing in pain, they’d helped him. Or so it had felt like at the time. It made the pain stop. It let him sleep despite his hips and back. It numbed the misery in his head, even took the edge off his nightmares. Dreams of falling.    
  
He was barely 16 the first time he was raped. Raped and left bleeding and sobbing. He'd taken his hit, and waited to die. It hadn’t happened. And of course, in time, the heroin wore off, and the pain was back. and he had no money. He had been too out of it even to beg.  So he did what he had to do. At least when he sold himself it was by choice. Although, because he was young, and not very strong, especially as his injuries affected him, it soon became known that he was easily overpowered, and many people used and abused him regularly, and took his money or food or drugs. Not to mention what little remained of his hope. His innocence. His trust in people. Sometimes he was so off his head that the only reason he knew was the ache inside him and certain evidence left behind. And those were better than the times he was clear-headed. He learned not to fight back. One time his face had been smashed into a wall so hard his nose was broken. It had set a little lopsided, and that stared him in the face every morning.    
  
“And then.... then I was stabbed. It probably saved my life.” He tugged up the edge of his vest, finger trailing over what Aziraphale had assumed was an appendix scar. “I.... I made it to the high street before I collapsed. There were... people were stepping over me and around me. They thought I was drunk or high.... I wasn’t... for once...I’d... not been able to get any for a few days and I was a mess. And.... if nobody had seen the blood, I’d have died there, unnoticed. And.... I came round back in hospital. Nobody knew who I was. When they discharged me, which they were reluctant to do, as it was clear I was still an addict, I started hitching back to  Tadfield . I don’t even know why I thought to do that. I knew Bee was in foster care near there, and my physio worked there, and maybe things would be okay.  So I hitched. Had to um... a few...  favours for lifts. Took me four days to get there. … and that’s how.... Mary, she let me stay at the retreat and helped me get clean. It was hell. It really was. Wouldn't recommend the experience, I can tell you. Felt constantly like vomiting. My bones hurt constantly, I was sweating through the bedsheets every night, felt like my skin was crawling and itching and burning. And then... one day it wasn’t as bad. I still craved, but... I could ride it out. I started meditating when the need hit me. Started being allowed to see Bee regularly. I was nearly 18.  So the Youngs let me move in as their lodger. And they were kind. Really  really kind people. Like a family is supposed to be. And... well, Mary helped me finish my education, I trained to be a Physio. When we were older, Bee went to Uni, and I went to Japan.... I was 25 before I um... slept with anyone by choice. It was.... it was terrifying, but he was kind and very gentle, and I fell hard. We were together for eight years before... before the spark was gone, and we’d grown apart. Or he had. I hadn’t. And.... he left me. And I was heartbroken. Came back to the UK, started working really hard. Bee was already doing really well. Then... then we found out about the compensation. It was enough to put a deposit on Eden House, well, the flats, and start renting a treatment room each on the ground floor. We kept working hard. Kept bringing in other practitioners, until we got it  to how it is now. As we were able, we bought up the ground floor, and then the middle floor flats, one of which we converted to more treatment rooms. The other we let out. At the moment, Sol, the massage therapist rents it. It was  HARD WORK , but we love our business. It’s like a family.”  Crowley's face was wet with cathartic tears, but he was calm. Composed. He gave a great sigh that shook his whole body. His shoulders softened. Remarkable. He really felt like he’d released some of the burdens of his past.    
  
“Oh Crowley...” Aziraphale croaked. “you are.... so brave. So strong. I am SO PROUD of you for everything you’ve overcome and the incredible things you’ve achieved. Thank you for trusting me with your story, beloved. I knew you had struggled, but I had no idea just how much you’ve been through.”   
  
“Aziraphale.... I love you ..... I love you so much. I think... I think maybe you’ve saved me. I was really … starting to fall apart again. And I love you.”  Aziraphale's strong arms surrounded him, and he was sobbing again. Aziraphale, solid, dependable, compassionate angel that he was, was just there. A rock to cling to.   
  



	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an evening on the beach. 
> 
> Aziraphale gives Crowley a present.

After Crowley had been so open about his past, Aziraphale was extra attentive. Being sure to keep him feeling safe, loved and appreciated. And Crowley was blossoming. The wariness in his golden eyes was fading. His smiles and laughs were easier and less cynical. During the second week. There were only two more nightmares. One barely registered, and one quite bad. Aziraphale realised that the night terrors were always going to be a part of their lives, but they were less severe and less frequent, and that was a blessing. Crowley was on the phone to his sister again, he phoned them most evenings. And he understood. They lived together. They grew up in hell together. Aziraphale kissed Crowley's forehead and headed out to the garage. When they had arrived, he had brought the Landy out on to the drive, to make their trips out easier.    
  
He flicked on the lights, illuminating the previously looming dark shape under a large dust sheet. He had a bucket of warm soapy water and plenty of cloths and sponges. The shape under the sheet was long and low. Aziraphale rolled up his sleeves and pulled the cover aside.    
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Aziraphale was a very precise and careful driver. Crowley teased that he probably still felt an urge to use hand signals to indicate he was going to turn. They arrived at their favourite beach. The sun was low in the sky. There was a beachside bar that sold excellent fish and chips. Before heading down to the beach, Aziraphale bought them dinner. The scent of the vinegar and hot oil wrapped in the white paper made even Crowley's stomach growl. Nearer the shore, Aziraphale laid down the blanket, pulling two bottles of champagne from his satchel.    
  
“I arranged with Sally, at the tea room that I can leave the car in her work parking space until tomorrow lunchtime. We can get a taxi back. I’ve pre-booked without a specific time. Just, there WILL be someone waiting to take us home whenever we are ready.” The sun was low in the sky, and Aziraphale draped a second blanket around their shoulders, opening the first bottle which they handed between themselves while tucking in to their fish and chips, which were delicious. The fish was very fresh, they bought it off the boats in the morning. When they finished eating in companionable silence, they both snuggled, watching the sun set over the ocean. Listening to the gulls heading home to roost. As the sky darkened, the stars came out. And Crowley, eyes alight with enthusiasm, and the inky darkness of the sky, the neon brightness of the stars that the city did not show them, was enthusiastically pointing out constellations, his hands animated as he told the mythology behind the names, his eyes sparkling even brighter. Aziraphale could barely look away from his face, no matter how lovely the stars, he was lovelier. The last few dog walkers were gone. And Aziraphale fell to kissing Crowley so softly. So tenderly. Massaging the swell of his cock through the tight denim until he was panting, eyelids heavy. Soft whimpers behind gritted teeth. “Will you fuck me, love?” Aziraphale sighed. “I want you to fuck me.I want your cock in me, it’s so long, and the shape is so perfect... I know it will hit me just right, and I want it.”   
  
“Fuuuuck, Angel.” he gasped. “what if someone sees?”    
  
“No one will see, my dearest. This beach is a quiet one.” Aziraphale rolled over beneath him, waggling his full arse enticingly. “I want you to take that champagne there, and dribble it down my crack so I feel the bubbles... will you do that for me?” Crowley whined excitedly, tugging Aziraphale's smart linen trousers to his knees. With a mouthful of the bubbles, he licked slowly above the crease of his buttocks, allowing the wine to trickle down in a way that made Aziraphale shudder. “yes, like that. Like that love... use your tongue.” Crowley obeyed. He hadn’t done this before, but Aziraphale had shown him how good it felt to receive it. And he wanted to return the favour. He smirked at the taste of champagne and soap, realising Aziraphale had planned ahead for this. Aziraphale grabbed a bottle of lube from his bag, and Crowley eagerly slicked his fingers and eased one in, stroking perfectly. Working delicious spirals inside him, nipping delightedly at his gorgeous thick arse and thighs. That beautiful pale, smooth skin there. He bit hard into one buttock, making Aziraphale gasp and buck his hips, sucking a hungry bruise into the soft skin.    
  
With another finger, Aziraphale was losing control, his encouraging words now needy, incoherent moans. The next finger and the way he stretched them apart to widen him made him tremble. He began to beg. And he couldn’t deny his angel anything. So he slicked his long, curved, rather elegant cock, and carefully slid into Aziraphale. Aziraphale whined, slamming himself back onto him. “Please, love, you don’t have to be careful with me, oh GOD! FUCK ME! I want you to fuck me so hard I can’t bear it.....” Crowley grabbed at his hips, tugging them back to meet each long, slow thrust, watching Aziraphale's face, slack and open-mouthed as he whined at each impact. Crowley braced himself, increasing the ferocity of his thrusts until his angel was sweat glossy and gasping hard. Damn, he really did like it rough. And Crowley wanted to give him everything. All of himself. All of his pain and joy and hopes and fears, and everything he ever was and everything he ever would be. Aziraphale was all of it. He couldn’t last, not with Aziraphale staring in wonder over his shoulder at him, and he whimpered as his orgasm smashed through his defences, riding Aziraphale through it, until he came with a soft, reverent moan of euphoria. They both collapsed to the blanket. Aziraphale tugged the other blanket over them both, snuggling close as they lay, watching the stars together. the sound of the ocean. The stars. The feel of each other's arms as they held together. their breathing gradually returned to normal. Aziraphale called for the cab and gathered their things together, grinning happily. Fingers interlaced with Crowleys as they made their way off the beach.    
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Morning came, and with it their usual routine of breakfast together. Then Aziraphale left him enjoying coffee and a magazine in the garden while he took the bus back into town to fetch his car. He came back, with another box of supplies from the fancy little deli. Crowley came back in to help him put it all away, while, as usual, Aziraphale chided him fondly for helping. He tugged a cravat from his pocket, folding it.    
  
“Now, my dear, would you be okay with me using this to blindfold you? I have a surprise.”    
  
“Damn, Angel, you’re non-stop, aren’t you. You'll wear me out one of these days.” he could almost feel Aziraphale's smile as he arranged the fabric carefully tying it behind his head.    


“Oh, you silly. Not THAT kind of surprise, not right now anyway.” Crowley squeaked in surprise as Aziraphale scooped him up, carrying him out of the house. He heard a door open and close and was set down gently. He heard strip lights blinking alive, and the sound of fabric being shaken out. “No peeking now!” He heard Aziraphale humming happily to himself as he clearly needed to put some finishing touches on the surprise. Then felt those arms around him from behind. Soft face nuzzling into his neck with a gentle kiss to his jaw, as he felt the knot untied and the cravat slipping. His mouth hung open in amazement.    
  
SLEEK was the first word that came to mind. IMPOSING. BEAUTIFUL!!!! Crowley's hand came up to cover his gaping mouth, and his wide golden eyes darted around taking everything in.    
  
“You.... you CAN’T, Angel. You can’t GIVE ME THIS. It's too much! It's..... do you even know what this is?!”   
  
“My great grandmother's car.”   
  
“I mean, vintage, yes, but... Aziraphale, this is.... this is an early BENTLEY! It's a bloody BENTLEY, Angel! You... you can’t give this to me. It must be worth a fortune. Look at her! Her bodywork is IMMACULATE!”    
  
“One careful, if rather scandalous, woman owner from new. My dear, I’m never going to get her running again. I only know very basic maintenance. Of COURSE I can give you the car. Otherwise, who knows how long it will sit there under a dustsheet. I told you I was giving you the car.”   
  
“Yeah.... but.... you never said... a VINTAGE BENTLEY!” Crowley was shaking his head, disbelieving. "You said an old car, you never said a valuable vintage Bentley.”    
  
“I want you to accept this gift, Crowley. I think having a project will do you good, and I look forward to you taking me out in her. It may take a while, but I will cover any restoration costs. But the car.... the car is yours. You've given me something so much more valuable than any car.” Crowley still looked in shock as he ran his fingers lovingly over the elegant lines of the vehicle, hands shaking.    
  
“I don’t know what to say?” He whispered.    
  
“Say yes.... and um... thank you, maybe?” Crowley flung himself at Aziraphale, raining kisses on his face and squeezing him tight. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in less than 24 hours. spoiling ya! 
> 
> Aziraphale and Crowley are coming to the end of their two month "honeymoon" and have invited their friends for a party in the countryside.

The tinny little radio in the garage echoed slightly, despite the main doors being open. Crowley had been delighted to find the garage workshop to be very well equipped, and with most tools still in good, serviceable condition. He had ordered a lot of manuals and restoration guides, and scoured listings for the necessary engine parts. It was only the engine that really needed work. And the tyres, where the rubber had perished. The bodywork and interior were in amazing condition. The tactile patina of the leather and of the steering wheel meant he would often sit in the drivers seat, just running his fingers over the wheel and other controls. Crowley still reeeled at how generous a gift this was. But money didn’t seem to be much of a barrier for Aziraphale, and, while he clearly enjoyed the fact that it allowed him a comfortable life, he was generous with his resources, and took more pleasure in sharing it than in keeping it all to himself.    
  
Crowley heard a polite cough, and slid back out from under the bonnet on his little creeper. Aziraphale laughed, thinking, with his long legs like that, it made him look like a grasshopper. He had two cups in his hands, and Crowley sat up, wiping the engine grease on a nearby rag before accepting his coffee.    
  
“How is the old girl doing?”    
  
“Not bad. There's still some parts I need before I can get her turning over, but I found some in the cupboard over there. Your uncle Zen must have got hold of them and never got round to fitting them. Still, I won’t be driving us back to London in her yet. I was.... I was hoping perhaps when we go back, we could maybe come out once a week, once a fortnight maybe. At least when I have the parts we need. And even if not, being here is just....”   
  
“I know. It really is very healing here. My joints are doing SO much better, thanks to your help, and well, all that um... cardio, I’m probably fitter than ever. And you.....” Aziraphale didn’t need to finish that. Crowley was well aware of how much better he was doing, mentally and physically. The good food, combined with the exercise, and he was stronger and had more energy than ever. His muscle definition was a sight to behold. He was still lean, and spare, and angular, but so much more toned. “I know you love your work, and I my shop, but.... one day we will retire here. Together. When London is too loud and too fast and too young for us.”   
  
“Planning for the long haul, Angel?”   
  
“Well, of course.... and.... you’ve spoken to Bee, about having counselling again? We both feel you’re in a much better place to cope with it now.” He nodded.    
  
“Can’t say I will enjoy it. Raking over everything. But... you’re right. I need to process through it all properly. I’ve bottled everything up for far too long. But I wasn’t... I wasn’t ready to deal with it.”    
  
“My darling. Whatever you need, I will support you. You know that.”   
  
“I’d hug you, but look at the state of me. Covered in engine gunk.”    
  
“Well, you’d best shower soon anyway. They'll start arriving in about an hour. Gabriel texted me. Then Tracey is coming down after she closes the shop. She’s agreed to bring Anathema. They are getting on really quite well these days. A lot of interests in common. All that divination and crystals malarky.”   
  
“where are we going to put them all up?”    
  
“Well, Gabriel and the girls are taking the main spare room. I’ve got camping cots for Ariel and Jophiel , and I've set them up a little den, so it’s an adventure for them. They’re bringing the extra bedding. And you are NOT to lecture poor Bee! You are not. They know what they’re doing, and obviously that won’t be anything with the kids there.” Crowley made a huffing noise. “And the twin bed spare, Tracy and Anathema are having, and they’ll probably have a séance or something after we’ve all gone to bed and haunt the place, knowing them. Newt can’t make it. He's back in Dorking seeing his Mum.”    
  
Crowley affectionately polished the bonnet ornament with a soft cloth, before flinging over the dust sheet, and heading back into the house with his love.    
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Once they were both clean, Aziraphale, who had been busy in the kitchen most of the day, did a quick sweep of the house to ensure it was ready for guests. Then he went back to ensuring there was plenty of good food to eat, and that the drinks were well stocked. He was nervous. This was the first time that their found families would be all together. And while he knew that in their little bubbles, they got on, it was still daunting. He was very much looking forward to seeing his nieces again. After all, it had been about three months since he’d last seen them. And Tracy, she could barely hold back for crowing about how she knew they were going to hit it off. Still insisting on her wedding invite. Still angling for all the dirty details she knew would only be hinted at. After all, filthy as he may be, Aziraphale was ever the gentleman.    
  
A large people carrier pulled in to the drive, and Gabriel hopped out, heading around to the passenger side, opening the passenger door, and swinging Bee down dramatically, that cheesy white-toothed grin reaching to his ears as he set them on their feet. Bee cynically but fondly raised their eyebrows as they brushed down their lapels and rolled their pale blue eyes. When they spotted Aziraphale and Crowley, Bee ran to their brother, flinging their arms around him.    
  
“Tony.... you.... you look AMAZZZING! You look so... happy! Healthy!” They reached up to pinch at his cheeks where they were less hollow than before. “How are the dreamzzz?”    
  
“Much rarer. And when they happen, they're not so bad. Get the odd bad one, but.... well it’s nothing really. I’ve been sleeping SO well. I don’t think I’ve ever been so rested.” The eyebrow raised again.    
  
“Hmmmm. rezzzted, eh?” They smirked. Gabriel finished wrestling with Jophiels car seat, and the two girls ran squealing to Aziraphale grabbing him around his middle and chattering excitedly. Gabriel followed them up the path, laden with cases and rucksacks.    
  
“UNCLE ZIRA! Daddy says Bee is your boyfriend's sister!”    
  
“Yes, yes, they are.”    
  
“And Bee isn’t a girl or a boy, and they help children and grown-ups who had bad things happen.”    
  
“That’s right. darling. Bee is very clever and very kind. Now, I’ve set you two girls up a special campsite in the back bedroom. There's lots of treats and snacks in there for later, and torches, and storybooks, are you looking forward to that? But Daddy is going to take your bags up, and why don’t you two go and play in the garden. When my friend Tracy gets here, we can start having something to eat. in the meantime, there MIGHT just be some fairycakes for you two in the treehouse, if the squirrels haven’t eaten them.” The girls ran squealing to the back garden, as Aziraphale took some of the cases from Gabriel to take into the cottage. “The girls like Bee then?”   
  
“The three of them gang up on me on the regular. I am NOT the king of my castle anymore. But yeah, they’re all happy. Bee is great with them. The girls love them.”    
  
“And you?” Gabriel grinned again.   
  
“Bee is a.... a force of nature. It's been so long. I.... I will never stop loving Eve, Aziraphale. You know that. Never. She was....she was my everything. But ….my everything is gone. And she wanted me to have a happy life again one day, and Bee.... Bee is one of the STRANGEST people I know, and I’ve never felt so alive, since...”   
  
“Bee IS something else” agreed Aziraphale. “A crazy little whirlwind. Or volcano. Or Earthquake. A force to be reckoned with, but... I think if you have Bee on your side, you have an army at your back.” Gabriel sighed, his violet eyes soft and happy. Bee broke off from hugging their brother and rushed over and hugged him ferociously.    
  
“Thank you Azziraphale. thank you. I don’t think he’szz ever BEEN so happy. And it’s YOU. You're the reason.” Aziraphale blushed to his ears.

“Come on. Let's head out to the back garden. Have a few drinks. Tracy and Anathema should be here in about an hour. In the meantime, I have a pot of chicken curry and a pot of bean  chilli slow cooking for later, and some jackets on the go, and lots of nibbles. Cheese, crackers, crisps and dips. Sausage rolls, gyoza, Some sushi. Smoked salmon blinis. But if we stick to maybe the nuts, tacos and salsa in the garden, until everyone else is here, then I’ll open the rest of the buffet.” the girls were running around giggling excitedly, playing on the swing, chasing each other around the garden and paddling in the stream. Crowley brought out drinks. Wine, beer and cider, and the adults relaxed in the afternoon sunshine, picking at the nibbles and chatting about all of the changes since they had seen each other last. Aziraphale had missed them all. And he and Crowley were both in such a happier place now, physically and mentally. After eight weeks at the cottage, it was going to be a wrench to head back to London, much as he LOVED London. But they would be closer to their friends, Crowley would be able to start with more therapy again, and they really had made great strides. Crowley had even agreed that Aziraphale had improved his condition enough to get back to his Saturday rugby sessions. Things were going better than he had ever imagined. 


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tracy and Anathema join the party

Aziraphale had lit the firepit in the garden as the evening got chillier. Since Tracy and Anathema had arrived, the full buffet of delicious food was on offer, and Tracy had gamely started mixing cocktails, and mocktails for the children, which made them feel extremely grown-up, especially with the addition of little paper umbrellas and curly straws. Jophiel was fast asleep, snuggled up to Bees hip, which made Gabriel's heart swell in adoration. Ariel was trying her best to stay awake with the grown-ups and had been trying their best to enjoy things like the olives and the sushi, wanting to seem mature and sophisticated. Tracy even made her a “martini" which was just lemonade with a grape on a cocktail stick. Aziraphale had missed Tracys vulgar and raucous humour. The flickering firelight, and the embers that flew upwards into the dark starry sky, the crackling of the flames, the scent of the woodsmoke. It was all pretty perfect.    


“ Come on, Ariel,” Aziraphale said softly. “You must be getting sleepy. Time for bed. Tomorrow, how about you girls help me make a yummy pudding for tomorrow. I’ll get you tucked in.”    
  
“Can we have a story?”   
  
“Of course you can. I have some storybooks up there for you girls. We can have lots more fun tomorrow.” Aziraphale scooped up the sleeping Jophiel, who mumbled sleepily, curling in his arms. He headed up with the girls, settling them into the little den he had made for them, after having them brush their teeth. He read them a story, doing the voices. He knew Ariel was too old for this story, but she still enjoyed Aziraphale reading it for them.    


"Uncle Zira?” said Ariel sleepily, Jophiel already fast asleep.    
  
“Yes dear?”    
  
“Do you miss my Mummy?”    
  
“Of course I do. I loved her very much. And your daddy did too. Your daddy moved halfway around the world because he loved her so much.”   
  
“Do you love Mr Crowley?”    
  
“Yes, I do. Lots and lots. He's a very sweet, kind man.” 

“Bee loves him lots too. Bee said their Mummy didn’t love them, and they just loved each other.”    
  
“Yes, that’s true.”    
  
“Are you and Mr Crowley going to get married?” Aziraphale was momentarily flustered.    
  
“Maybe one day. We've only known each other for about three months. It's too fast to know. But he makes me very happy. He's very kind and sweet and funny, and he gives me lovely cuddles.”

“He’s pretty too. He has pretty hair. And pretty eyes.”    
  
“Yes, he is very pretty. But that’s not why I love him.” Ariel yawned sleepily.   
  
“Do you think he’d let us play with his hair? It would be nice with flowers”    
  
“I’m sure he would, dear. He loves children. And he likes doing pretty things with his hair. Now you go to sleep now. In the morning we will do lots more fun things.” He ran his fingers fondly over her pale blonde waves until she drifted off. He dimmed the bedroom light and headed back to the rest of his guests.    


  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  
When Aziraphale returned downstairs, the party had moved back indoors against the chill. As he entered the kitchen, where the remains of the buffet were still being picked over, Tracy hurriedly stashed her cards back in her handbag, Anathema at her side, smirking.    
  
“I’m sorry, dear ladies, did I disturb a little occult witchery?”    
  
“Oh, we were just reading MrCrowleys cards, Dear! Very interesting indeed. Besides which, your AURA. It tells quite the story, doesn’t it Ana?”   
  
“Yes. Fascinating.” Agreed the dark-eyed American, her expression wise and amused through those dark-framed glasses. “Quite the interesting Aura. Much bigger than when I saw you last, and the two of you, your heart centres are.... glowing. All of the occult evidence suggests that you two will be very happy together.” Bee looked amused. Crowley looked awkward.    
  
“I stand by what I said about wanting a wedding invite, Mr Fell,” said Tracy with mock formality. “I give it...three years tops.”    
  
“Two.” insisted Anathema, smiling like a shark.    
  
"Ooouff.. I’m surrounded by WITCHES! Scheming wyrd sisters, one and all!” Aziraphale said dramatically. Tracy slapped him fondly on the shoulder. Bee flourished a shiny black box, and announced it was time for ‘cards against humanity’ it wasn’t long until Aziraphales ribs hurt from laughing so much, and eventually, after a few rounds of games, and a brief session of covering food with tin foil and putting it in the fridge, everyone gradually made their way to bed, drunk and happy.    
  



	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bee and Crowley start realising what a loving family means.

Bee woke up, snuggled into a broad, well muscled back. A large hand gentle on theirs where it rested on a toned waist. They could hear laughter coming from downstairs, and with it, the scent of bacon frying. They felt squirming behind them, and realised Ariel and Jophiel had sneaked in with them in the night. Well, that was.... something. Bee liked kids, but they have never imagined they would ever be a parent. Or a step-parent, even. To them, a happy childhood was something they only understood in theory. They had no experience of family that was positive until the Youngs. Well apart from their brother, but even then, it wasn’t a happy thing to remember. This was... different. It was nice. They swallowed around the lump in their throat, sniffing back the sudden damping of their eyes. Oh this was lovely. They felt so safe and warm. There was a light tap on the door.   
  
“Yeah?” they called out. The door opened slightly.    
  
“Just me, Bee.” said Crowley. “Brought you guys up some coffee. Breakfast is on, Aziraphale is doing the works.”   
  
“Smellsz good. I can see why you’re eating better. Gabriel shifted and sat up, and Crowley handed them their coffees.    
  
“Aziraphale told me how you like it Gabriel. Hope it’s okay.”    
  
“Thanks. Looks just right.” The girls got out of bed, excited for more of Aziraphale’s cooking. “BRUSH YOUR TEETH FIRST!” He called after them as they thundered down the stairs. Shaking his head in mock annoyance, knowing they’d be right on to the pancakes and syrup Aziraphale would always make for them. “Barbarians!”    
  
“I’ll leave you to your coffee. See you downstairs whenever you’re ready.”    
  
  
The kitchen was in a state of happy chaos. Aziraphale was dishing up different breakfast things onto a serving plate so people could help themselves. There was fresh orange juice in a jug, Crowley dished himself up some scrambled eggs, slices of smoked salmon and found the caviar in the fridge. Aziraphale kissed him on the cheek and handed him his coffee, before turning back to the American style pancakes his nieces enjoyed. Before whizzing up home made real fruit milkshakes to go with them.    
  
“Come on now, young ladies, sit at the table, I’ll bring them over.”    
  
“Blimey, Aziraphale, are you catering from an entire army?” Tracy teased, nonetheless, piling her plate high.    
  
“Got to keep my strength up, Tracy, dear” He replied with a cheeky wink. “Lovely new boyfriend and all that.”    
  
“Yeah, I'll bet you do, you dirty minx! Anathema, don’t let his angelic looks and proper manners fool you, he’s a very naughty boy, I’ll have you know. I’ve been shopping around Soho with him!” Aziraphale blushed a little, his eyes sparkling.    
  
“Eat your breakfast, Tracy! Don't go ruining my reputation.” He teased back. “Long drive back to London, after all. And I’ve made you cheese and bacon muffins to keep you fueled on the way home.” Bee and Gabriel joined them, and Bee stacked their plate with fried mushrooms and tomatoes, piled on top of a lovely chunky base of toasted homemade bread.   
  
“This all lookszz delicious, Azziraphale. Hey, Tony! You should marry this one. If he cooks this well, and... yeah. Think he’z a keeper.”   
  
“Why is everyone obsessed with us getting married! “ Aziraphale was flustered. Crowley slid his arms around his back, resting his chin on his strong shoulder. 

“They’re just teasing, Angel.”   
  
“The cards don’t lie, Aziraphale.” Tracy said in mysterious tones and winking.    
  
“Oh yes, they were VERY definite.” agreed Anathema.    
  
“Aziraphale, we should never have introduced them, we’ve created a monster!”   
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
After Breakfast, Aziraphale helped load Tracy and Anathemas luggage into Tracys little car, and hugged them both. When Tracy hugged Crowley she whispered in his ear, smirking. Then they waved them off on their way. Crowley headed back to the garden to do his Yoga, and found himself teaching an impromptu class to his five students. After Yoga, the girls squealed with delight when he demonstrated some silks moves using the ropes of the swing. It wasn’t long until they were all running around the garden together, Aziraphale and Gabriel teaching Crowley, Bee and the children, how to throw and catch a rugby ball.    
  
When everyone was tired, they returned to the kitchen, where Aziraphale and the children made bread dough together for pizzas later. Then Bee sat with them while they did some colouring in. Aziraphale noticed how fondly Gabriel was watching them together, and he smiled. It really wasn’t a pairing he would have thought to matchmake, but he hadn’t seen Gabriel so smitten in a long time. And Bee was really good with the girls, and the girls seemed to adore them. Crowley helped Aziraphale clean up the kitchen   
  
“Aziraphale... I... I want to take the girls to the beach this afternoon.” Gabriel said softly. “Bit of time to, um... think about...Eve.”   
  
“If course, anything you need. The three of us will be fine, don’t you worry. I understand. And I understand WHY.....Gabriel... I’ve seen how happy you are. I know she would give her blessing.” Gabriel nodded, more to reassure himself than anything. “You take the girls, I’ll get everything ready for dinner later. Gabriel hugged him tightly, then, as he drew back, fistbumped him on the shoulder.    
  
“I knew you’d understand.”    
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
When they arrived back, Gabriel seemed lighter in himself. Touched with the melancholy of memory, but cleansed and more certain of himself. Aziraphale had lit the wood fire in the garden pizza oven to heat up, and he, Crowley and Bee had prepared an array of different toppings, cheeses and oils. They had divided the dough into four larger and two smaller balls, and everything was ready for a make your own pizza night. Always a big hit with the children, and with any group of guests, really. Everyone got what they liked, and making the pizzas together was fun. Being the youngest, Jophiel got to make her pizza first, picking cheddar, tomato and slices of sausage. Ariel, ever striving for sophistication, went for pepperoni and red peppers, and added olive slices, most of which they all knew would be picked off.    
  
“You pick for me, Angel. You know food best.”    
  
“Ah, well, if you haven’t had a classic wood fired pizza before, dear, I advise to keep it simple. Tomato. Mozzarella and basil. A little drizzle of olive oil and a scattering of pressed garlic. Lots of fresh and simple flavours together.” Aziraphale helped Crowley put his choices together, and added it to the trays to take out to the garden. Gabe and Bee put their pizzas together, Gabriels was spicy, with a lot of different meats. Bee chose mushrooms, anchovies, and goats cheese. Aziraphale loaded his with anchovies, capers, olives and sat a raw egg to crack onto the centre before cooking it. Out in the garden, Aziraphale prepared the pizza oven before using the flat shovel to set them in to cook. When the dough was bubbly and crisp, and the cheeses melted, everyone tucked in to their pizzas. It was a warm evening, and the oven took away any chill. Ariel arranged herself behind Crowley to plait his hair while the adults chatted, and Jophiel snuggled between him and Bee, increasingly sleepy.    
  
Crowley let his gaze wander over the mismatched group on the blanket. THIS was family. And yes, they were all going back to London tomorrow. And it was all going to be alright. 


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> back to real life.  
> but real life isn't the same as it was.

The following morning, after another hearty breakfast, everyone packed ready to head back to London. Aziraphale made sandwiches and snacks, and cleared out any perishables in the cottage into a coolbox to drop in on the towns homeless shelter on the way, as he always did when leaving the cottage. Gabriel was going to drive them all back, as there was plenty of room. the trip home was companionable, the traffic was on their side, and soon real life crowded the streets around them. For Crowley, it felt like a lifetime ago. Two short months, and he was a different man to the one who had left Eden House to take a train to the country. Being back in London made the change all the more stark. Still, he reflected. Aziraphale had been so right to suggest an extended break in the country. They had grown so close, and he had grown as a person. Life was going back to normal, but normal had changed. He was happier. He ate better, slept better. he was in love. He had a mind-blowing sex life. He had more people as part of his found family. He had a bloody vintage luxury car! And importantly, he had started making strides towards his recovery. The world was better. It was brighter. He had hope again. He had trust again.

When the people carrier pulled up outside Eden House, Aziraphale and Crowley got out. Ever the gentleman, Gabriel lifted Bee down from the high seats of the vehicle, and swept them into a soft and tender kiss. Stroking their cheekbones.

“Missing you already.” he sighed, following up with more gentle kisses. Bee's face was enraptured, gazing up into his really quite remarkable dark violet eyes, grinning like a schoolgirl with a crush.

Crowley unloaded the luggage while Aziraphale hugged his nieces, and the people carrier drove away. Bee grabbed Crowley and began spinning him round and round, giggling happily.  
  


“Isn’t he juzzt.....? And the girls, they’re so sweet...I hope you’re happy for me, Tony. I.....”

“He’s a good man.” said Aziraphale. “He loved my sister. Never let her down. He's a good father. And you are so good with them. They adore you. I’ve not seen him so happy since.... you know about my sister?”

“Crowley said she... breazt cancer.” Aziraphale nodded.

“He adored her. She was a lovely woman. And it’s early days, but he is clearly smitten with you. And he’s not really had more than a handful of dates since then. So, if he felt he could introduce you to his children, and let them see you as a couple, you are definitely doing well.”

“Are you two...?” Crowley cut in. Aziraphale held up a hand patiently.

“No....but soon I think we will be. When I've stayed at hizz, he lets me have the bed, and slept on the sofa. It'sz tricky with the children, and it’s ztill too early for me to be... obviously involved. Itzzz a lot for them to adjuzt to. But they like me. I adore them. Szuch sweet children. He'zz being careful with their feelingsz. We shared the bed because it was that or one of uzz sleeping on the sofa. And he woud have had the bed, because it was in with hisz children. But he said it would be unchivalrouzz, and explained to the girlszz they we were friendsz and we were sharing the bed.” Aziraphale nodded.

“Well, I’m happy to look after the girls any time, if you want a little... getting to know each other better time.” Crowley looked uncomfortable

“Angel! You're talking about arranging my baby sister some....you know....”

“Yes, and Bee is an adult quite capable of making their own choices, as are you. I appreciate it’s hard to deal with, but if it makes you feel better, I had to deal with this big, brash, American coming over here and getting involved with MY little sister. And now you need to deal with the same. I was right to do so, he was nothing but good to her, and gave her two beautiful children, and was by her side until the end. so I DO understand it’s difficult to rein in your protective feelings. But it’s going to be okay, dear. Everything is going to be okay.”

“I can make my own misztakes, Tony, and I don’t think thiszz is one of them..... Now, let’s go in and see if Bug isz pleaszed to see us.”

The cat feigned nonchalance for about five minutes, before throwing herself all over Bee and Crowley, purring, kneading, head bumping and trilling happily. The three of them finished off the food they’d made for the journey back, and relaxed in the back room together, watching the bats flit over the garden. The traffic noise seemed rather alien, even in this quiet part of the city. But everyone was content. Times were changing. Something was coming to an end, for a start. Crowley knew that he and Bee were both on paths that wouldn’t have them under the same roof for much longer. And that was hard to deal with. But he also knew that this was an important stage in their lives that had been delayed because of their traumatic upbringing. Which made listening to the radio, snuggled together on the large, squishy sofa all the more precious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they went to bed, Aziraphale laid his hands gently over Crowley's mouth, slowly rocking into his body. As his climax built, he found himself biting down on those soft, well cared for hands. Their eyes burning into each other. Aziraphale muffled his own grunts of pleasure as he came, a low, restrained groan. His hand on Crowleys cock bringing him to the fall with expert strokes, sliding down his body to take his head in his mouth as he released. Crowley fell back, panting, and Aziraphale let his reverent lips trace sinful prayers over his goosebumped skin. in each others arms, they drifted into a content and warm, drifting sleep.


	32. Chapter 32

Aziraphale's shoulders slammed into the scrum. He bit down on his mouth guard and grinned, feeling the adrenaline race through his veins. He dug his feet into the ground and pushed forwards. His joints didn’t fight him. He felt strong. He felt flexible. He couldn’t believe the difference in his body from the last time he’d been on the field. By the time practice was finished, he had a delicious ache in his muscles, and the old familiar feeling of bruises that were yet to show their face. He relaxed afterwards in the shower and the hot tub, looking forward to the usual post-practice gathering in The Bull. He rather fancied one of their very decent chilli and nacho plates. And Crowley and Bee were going to meet him there, so he expected that Gabriel would be tagging along too. Those two really were just far too adorable together. He hoped it would work out between them.    
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   


Time had passed quickly, and summer had flamed into autumn, and autumn into a chilly winter. Crowley had been spending most nights at the bookshop, and after four months dating, Bee had moved in with Gabriel. Crowley had found it hard initially, as they were so close, but seeing as he spent more time away from the flat than in it, it was perfectly fair. And Christmas was coming, and they would be spending it at the cottage, as an extended family. Crowley couldn’t wait. He had been scouring antique shops for JUST the right present for Aziraphale. And he was sure he had found it. A heavy weight in his jacket pocket. He had a silks class, then was done until after Christmas. Aziraphale had two more days at the shop before they would head back down to the coast. But today, after work, they were going to head along to the Christmas market. Most of their shopping was done, but Crowley was looking forward to browsing among the little wooden chalets, wrapped up warm, arm in arm. It was going to be so romantic and lovely. He changed into his leggings and vest, tying his hair back in a rough bun, switching on the fan heater in the studio, and hooked the silks down. Starting to warm up ready.    
  
After class, Crowley relaxed into his own silks, hooking them into a cosy hammock-like seat, a snug little cocoon of fabric, smiling at the memory of when Aziraphale had first come to see him at work. At how he had shuffled awkwardly when he slid down the silks to chat, upside down and at his eye level. The memory seemed even more real when he heard that familiar polite cough, announcing his arrival. Aziraphale approached slowly, with a sly, hungry smile on his lips. Crowley's stomach fluttered with butterflies. 

“Wellwell. Look at you. This looks.... very comfortable.” he nudged between Crowley's knees, making him whine. “WHY! This height is just perfect for some new moves of our very own, don’t you think?” Aziraphale ran his gentle fingers down Crowley's thighs, hooking his waistband and tugging his leggings down, and hoisting his knees over his elbows. “yes, darling, this is perfect.” he fumbled in his jacket pocket, tugging out a small bottle of lube, and capturing Crowley's lips with his own. Crowley moaned into his wanting mouth. His breathing almost immediately becoming ragged with need. Crowley felt Aziraphale's lips curving into his wicked grin as his slick fingers began working at his opening.    
  
“Angel” he sighed. “Please... please, let me have it.”   
  
“You shall have it, my love.” In one long, slow stroke Aziraphale was inside him, so large, he was so full. He gasped in delight as his angel used the silks to swing him back and forth onto his mighty erection, his hands gripping his narrow hips, as their pleasure began to crest, Aziraphale drew out a handkerchief with a flourish, using it in his hand to catch Crowley's seed as he shook apart on Aziraphale's cock, going limp in the cradle of the silks. Aziraphale smiled fondly, proud of a good job done well. “Come along, dear. Get changed and we’ll head out.”    


  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
  
Crowley was wrapped up warm. He felt the cold quite a lot, despite having spent time on the streets. He shuddered at the thought of sleeping rough on a night like this. Aziraphale was buying them mulled cider and a bag of chestnuts from one of the vendors. Together they browsed among the crafts and treats on sale. Aziraphale bought cheeses, and gingerbread hearts personalised with the names of everyone who would be at the cottage over Christmas, beautifully decorated with a fine filigree of piped white icing. He took extra time looking through beautiful hand made glass decorations, choosing, eventually, a bright red glass apple.    
  
“Crowley. This will be our first Christmas together. I want to start a tradition. Every year, we will buy a decoration each for our tree at the shop. This one made me think of you. Temptation incarnate.” Crowley blushed adorably.    
  
“Well, in that case, our tree MUST have an Angel.” He chose one with pale gold hair and a round, soft porcelain face. A kind smile. His white robes draped artfully. His wings stretched wide and protective, a flaming sword in his right hand. “I like this one. He's unusual, and he reminds me of you.” Aziraphale smiled fondly.    
  
“He’s perfect, darling. “ Aziraphale pressed a spicy kiss to his lips. Crowley wondered if he would ever ever get used to the surge of happiness that he found near overwhelming in these small moments of affection. There was a band on the small stage at the end of the market. They were playing instrumental songs, slow and romantic. Aziraphale tucked their bags at the side of the stage and swept Crowley into his arms, his strong arm around his narrow waist, the other hand grasped one of his, interlaced. He pressed their foreheads together, as he slowly spun Crowley around, tugging him closer, his blue-grey eyes like a stormy sky, reflecting the fairylights, staring intensely into his. Crowley could feel the brush of his breath on his lips.    
  
Suddenly they were surrounded by fluffy white flakes and looked up in wonder. And that wonder at the moment wasn’t even slightly lessened by noticing the little grey metal box that sprayed them out over the area in front of the stage. Crowley swallowed hard.    
  
“Aziraphale... I.... I’m going to need to get you something else for Christmas.”    
  
“what do you mean, my love? I’m sure whatever you have already is fine”    
  
“I.... this is the right time for you to have it... it was going to be a present... but …. this moment is too perfect....”    
  
“I don’t understand, Crowley.” Crowley swallowed again. Closed his eyes, and sank to one knee. Fumbling in his pocket. Aziraphale's eyes grew wide.    
  
“Angel....?” his voice was wavering and fragile. “You.... you have SAVED me. I love you. I want to love you forever. You are everything I never realised I needed desperately. I...I mean.....” Crowley's pale hazel eyes, golden in the twinkling lights of the market gazed up at him, painfully hopeful. “Marry me Angel.” smooth fingertips traced his sharp brows and cheekbones.    
  
“My beloved.” he breathed. “there is NOTHING in this world I want more. Of course I will.” Crowley leapt up, flinging his arms around Aziraphale, kissing him passionately. A few people around them were clapping. With shaking hands, Crowley opened a small box, taking out a little gold ring, with the form of a feather. A small cut ruby and a diamond were set into it. He slid it onto Aziraphale's finger, relieved to find it a good fit. “Oh.... it’s...... it’s perfect..... darling...” He raised Crowley's knuckles to his lips, pressing soft kisses there. He slid off the gold ring he wore on his right little finger, and he slid it onto Crowley's ring finger. They kissed again. Softly. Tenderly. Aziraphale gathered their bags in one hand, and they headed back towards the bookshop. 


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the family gather for Christmas at Zen cottage.   
> both couples have big news.

The taxi pulled up outside of the cottage. As usual, Aziraphale had had cleaners come in to air the place out, change the bedding, and get the place ready for their arrival. And, also, as usual, he had ordered essentials from his favourite deli in town, which the cleaners had sorted out, putting the things that needed refrigerating in the fridge, the deli had delivered all of the Christmas food and drink, and Aziraphale checked his list over thoroughly to make sure nothing was missing, while they still had time to pick up any last-minute things that had been overlooked. Everything was there. Tomorrow they planned to go and choose their Christmas tree for the cottage, and he had bought their new decorations down, along with bringing great uncle Zens decorations down from the loft ready. While Aziraphale ordered Chinese food for delivery, the town really wasn’t close enough for that, but the sizeable tip meant they never had any problem arranging a delivery, Crowley went out to check on the Bentley. Running his fingers over the sleek lines, still unbelieving that this beautiful car was his. He ran his fingers over the old fashioned gold ring he now wore. A crest with feathers. It was in no way his own personal style, but it was SO Aziraphale that it made him smile every time he looked at it.    
  
By the time the food arrived, Aziraphale had the fire in the living room roaring, and they curled up to watch cheesy festive films together and eat their food. Afterwards, they made love in front of the fire. Crowley had never been so blissfully happy.    
  
__________________________   
  
  
Crowley let out a long, shuddering moan, his forehead dropping to the pillow.Aziraphale's lips trailed tantalisingly slowly down his spine, tracing the twisting serpent that wound its way along the ridge of bones. His tongue lapped out drawing lines of fire over the scars there, where he had been pinned back together. It seemed tremendously symbolic, somehow. He had fallen. He had been broken. He had been put back together by skilled hands. Another pair of skilled hands lightly scratched perfectly manicured nails over his blazing skin, making him roll his spine up into his touch. There was a soft chuckle.    


“Look at you.... needy little thing, aren’t you....” Crowley gasped. YES! Yes, he was! He was a vessel of need. Of longing. Of wanting. Those soft hands on him. Those plump lips. It was everything. “You are SO beautiful, my love.... so strong....so resilient.” Crowley whimpered. The praise like a physical force rushing through him. “You’re so good for me, dearest. My love....my Fiancé. My future husband... there is nobody more precious to me than you are.... none so beautiful... none so desired....” Crowley whined, desperate. He wanted to give himself completely. He would do anything. BE anything. Anything Aziraphale wanted or needed. He would be good. He would be SO GOOD.    
  
“Fuck, Angel, keep talking like that, and I’m gonna come.”   
  
“Not yet, love, I have so much more to give you before then.”    
  
“I’LL BE GOOD!” he gasped out.    
  
“I know you will.... you are SUBLIME..... you are SO good to me... you never let me down... you always give me everything I want and need... so beautiful, so good...let me take care of you, Crowley... let me make you feel as good as you deserve to feel. ”   
  
“I need you!” Aziraphale's lips reached the base of his spine, soft hands gripping his hips as he nosed between those perfect, firm, round buttocks. Eager tongue sliding in a long, wet stroke from the bottom to the top, making his cock throb. He whimpered again, gritting his teeth and concentrating on holding on. One of Aziraphale's hands slipped between his legs, gripping his base firmly as he pressed kisses to his eager hole. Pressing gradually in firmer strokes until the muscle relaxed enough to let him in. With a greedy growl, Aziraphale pushed forwards, making him tremble as he worked him with his lips and tongue. He sang out when a gentle finger joined his tongue. His other hand slipped a cock ring on him, tightening it to help him hold off. Gently tugging and massaging his balls as he carried on widening his opening. Aziraphale always took his time, conscious of his girth. He began stroking over his prostate. Crowley's breathing was ragged, his heartbeat jumping in the line of his throat. “ANGEL... ANGEL PLEASE! I’m too close... I neeed...”   
  
Aziraphale gently pushed him down, nudging between his thighs, lying his strong body over his, a comforting and reassuring weight. Like a very very erotic weighted blanket, his brain supplied. Aziraphale eased slowly into him with small, careful rolls of his hips, feeling the muscles briefly resist, clenching and releasing around him. His long, low moan in Crowley's ear, the heat of his breath, soft kisses pressed into his temple. Crowley began laughing, turning to kiss as Aziraphale carefully found the pace and angle that would make him feel good. Aziraphale was pinning him down, and he felt no fight or flight emotions. He was helpless. He surrendered, in love and trust. Knowing he was safe. Knowing Aziraphale would never ever hurt him. That now familiar and well-loved rush of letting go completely. Becoming nothing but love and pleasure. Washing away all of the times this had been an act of humiliation or violence to him. All he was now was the love and pleasure and euphoria and praise that Aziraphale filled him with. Filled him until he felt he could take no more, and then still, more love, more pleasure. There would never ever be more than he could hold. It was infinite.    
  
Crowley was almost swooning as Aziraphale began to crest,    
  
“Are you ready, love?....” He gasped. “Are you ready to come for me... I’m close...” Crowley nodded, feeling Aziraphale tense, moaning as he filled him. Crowley let go. His mind whited out, feeling Aziraphale sink slowly to him. Rolling them both onto their side as he panted hotly into his ear. “I love you... Crowley...I love you... I love you....” It spilled over and over, like a mantra, like a meditation, washing over Crowley's skin. Washing over his soul. Washing him clean. Making him new again. Aziraphale slowly stroked his hair until he fell asleep.    
  
  
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Morning came, bright and chilly. the perfect day for a stroll on the beach, and lunch in town. Gabriel, Bee and the girls would be arriving in town around Lunchtime. And they planned to have a late lunch in one of the nice family-friendly gastro pubs in town, then pick out the tree as a family and decorate it. They couldn’t wait. There was so much to look forward to, for all of them. A real family Christmas. The beginning of new traditions.    
  
The beach was deserted, save a few dog walkers, arm in arm they walked near the shoreline, occasionally dancing back from the occasional overenthusiastic breaker. Grinning wickedly, Aziraphale stripped down to his pants, before running into the brisk and bracing ocean, diving under the waves. He came up again, laughing and squealing at the cold.    
  
“Come in, darling, the water is lovely!” He announced. Crowley was laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation but could deny him nothing. He squealed as the waves reached his hips, and Aziraphale dived again, before emerging, roaring like a monster and tugging a shrieking and laughing Crowley in deeper, before dropping them both beneath the waves. Aziraphale ran for the shore, pursued by Crowley, laughing hysterically as he chased him back to the shore, flinging seaweed after him.    
  
“YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” Crowley was cackling uncontrollably. “Why the fuck would you DO that!”   
  
“Do you feel good? Do you feel ALIVE?” Crowley considered the tightness of his skin, the tingling. the electricity charging through him.    
  
“Yeah. That's great.”    
  
“Sometimes you have to be daring.” Back on the sand, they dried themselves with their scarves, dressing again before heading back into town where they were meeting Gabriel and Bee. They were shown to a cosy table by the fireplace, as they had requested, which did a lot to drive the ocean chill from their skin.    
  
Aziraphale ordered some drinks and a bowl of the nuts that the pub seasoned and roasted themselves to pick at while they waited. Aziraphale browsed the menu happily while they waited for the rest of the family. There was a delighted squeal as a blur of pale blonde hair charged over to Aziraphale. Jophiel.    
  
“Uncle Aziraphale, it’s nearly CHRISTMAS!”    
  
“Yes, it is. After lunch, we are choosing our tree to decorate later. Are you excited? Have you been good?” Jophie chattered excitedly as they were joined by Ariel, Bee and Gabriel. Everyone looked SO WELL. So happy. Bee hugged them both fiercely, before settling back with their head resting on Gabriel's shoulder. The staff brought over more menus, and some drinks.    
  
The barman brought them three champagne flutes two lemonades and a tall glass of tomato juice with Tabasco and placing the prosecco bottle on the table. Bee Reached for the tomato juice, smirking as both Aziraphale and Crowleys eyes grew wide. They put a grainy black and white image on the table. Two oddly shapeless yet utterly life-changing blobs right there in front of them.    
  
“One of Each,” said Gabriel, grinning. “And here was me thinking I only threw Girls.” He pointed at the indistinct globules. “Our daughter. And this one is our son.” Crowley gaped. It was all too much.    
  
“Bee?” he whispered.    
  
“We want to call the girl Evelyne Toni.” Crowley's eyes were wide and filling with tears, reaching across to lay his palm on what he only noticed now was the slight curve of his sister's abdomen. "And the boy, Zen Gabriel."   
  
“Babies...? A niece and a nephew? Bee.....?” Aziraphale rubbed Crowleys back, his own eyes full of emotion. He already had two nieces. Now both he and Crowley were going to have a neice and a nephew in common. Gabriel popped the cork on the prosecco, filling the flutes, and kissing Bee so fondly on the temple.   
  
“Thought it would raisze less questionsz if we told you right away...after all, I won’t be eating that lovely soft cheese or sashimi or.... yeah, why did I let you knock me up?” Bee fondly punched Gabriel on the shoulder.    
  
“Well, we didn’t plan for it...., but.... here we are.” His eyes were soft. “And we’re so happy...” They kissed again, melting against each other.    
  
“Um.....” Crowley began in a small voice. “We have news too. Not as big as that. Obviously.... but, um...” He took Aziraphale's left hand in his left hand, placing them in the middle of the table.    
  
“You’re engaged!”   
  
“Yes.” said Aziraphale. “it was.....perfect”    
  
“I KNEW IT!” announced Bee Triumphantly. “I KNEW that it would be a Christmas engagement!”    
  
“Are there still bridesmaids if there’s no bride?” asked Ariel. “Can we be bridesmaids if it’s two boys?”   
  
“My darling girls! I would be honoured to have you as my bridesmaids!” Aziraphale kissed them both. “now come on. Let's order some food before I waste away.”    



	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas at Zen Cottage.

Crowley was woken by excited squealing. He rolled over and muffled his face against Aziraphale's chest with a soft moan.    
  
“What time is it?”   
  
“Early. Welcome to Christmas morning in a house with children.”    
  
“Next year there’s going to be four!”    
  
“Yes, but they don’t really GET Christmas until they’re a bit older, so it shouldn’t be too bad... four! That's.... crazy. What HAS Bee let themselves in for!”   
  
“Bee loves kids. But I bet they never saw themselves ending up with four of them. Or any really. well, neither of us did. But Bee is so good with them. They'll be alright. They can be a good Mum... parent.... um, I’m going to need to ask how they want to be referred to, but they’re happy to still be sister to me, so...” Aziraphale checked the clock again.    
  
“I’ll give them half an hour to do their stockings. They'll be in with Gabe and Bee for that. Then I’ll get up and start breakfast....in the meantime... I think Father Christmas has left You a little something for being on the nice list....”    
  
“m’not nice.”   
  
“Hmmm... of course not....A nice boy would never let someone do.....this...”   


  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Crowley and Aziraphale were in the kitchen together, Carols at King’s on the radio. Aziraphale was making breakfast, making bacon and cheese wholemeal muffins for Bee, along with the American style pancakes the girls loved. Crowley was peeling potatoes ready for later. When breakfast was ready, he poured Three flutes of bucks fizz, two lemonade and orange juice, and one ginger beer, and called the rest of the family in to eat together.    
  
“Sleep okay?”    
  
“Yeah, great, until these two decided it was time to open their stockings” Said Gabe, sticking his tongue out fondly. “I’m really not so sure Santa got it right. Kids that get up THAT early are meant to get coal, right, Aziraphale?”    
  
“Hhmmmm... yes, I do believe you’re right. You girls had better be on your BEST behaviour in case he realises he’s made an error in his paperwork.” Aziraphale teased gently. “And you, Bee, are you quite well?”    
  
“Doesn’t make a huge difference yet. It's juszt weird. Doeszn't feel real yet at all. And it’szz all been zzzo.... fast! I mean... they’re definitely IN there... but... it’zzz too weird.” Gabriel reached his hand across. Snuggling closer and stroking the small but definitely there bump.    
  
“You two are going to be wonderful parents together. I just know it. I understand why you are worried though. But you and Tony, you’re not anything like her, you both know that, right?” Bee nodded anxiously.    
  
“I juzzzzt.... I can’t underztand how anyone could treat children how we were treated. I’ve not even met them and I’d tear someone apart for hurting them.....”   
  
“And that’s how you SHOULD feel. You're going to be wonderful; I know it.”    
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
After Breakfast, Aziraphale got everything ready for dinner, setting timers so he wouldn’t get distracted and miss anything.    
  
In the living room, with the fairylights, a cosy fire, Christmas music and giving out their presents for each other. One of Ariels presents in her stocking had been a set of nail varnishes and she was delighted at how willing a model Crowley was, ending up with each nail a different shade of sparkly pink, purple, mint green or glitter. Aziraphale was thrilled with the recipe books he had received and some lovely pampering bits and pieces. Aziraphale's enjoyment of quality skincare was well known. Aziraphale and Crowley had bought Gabriel some fine lilac grey leather gloves, and his favourite cologne. Aziraphale had bought both Crowley and Bee photo albums, with a written message inside. “May the future bring true happiness. Fill this album with good memories” In each, he had put a copy of Crowley's treasured picture of him and newborn Bee together. Crowley also received some athletic wear, and tools to help with restoring the car.    
  
Gabriel stood up, holding up some mistletoe. Grinning sheepishly. The gathered family squealed encouragement, as he pulled Bee close.    
  
“Oh, you think a parazzitic plant is the HEIGHT of romance, do you? I zzupoze you think that warrants a kiss?!”    
  
“Of course. Nothing says romance like parasitic shrubbery, Bee, you know that. I thought everyone knew that. So where’s my kiss?” Bee laughed softly, leaning in for a soft, tender kiss that belied their usual spiky nature. “Now pull my cracker.” he said, holding it up.    
  
“Look, you’ve got thizz all wrong. Americanzzz don’t understand. You pull the crackers when you zzsit at the table.”    
  
“Yes, but I want you to pull THIS cracker here.” Bee rolled their eyes fondly. Grabbing the offered end of the little tube. After the sharp snap, they were left holding the winning half. They took out the paper crown, placing it on their spiky black hair. Then they reached in to find.... their eyes widened, pulling out a small velveteen box.    
  
“Is this a joke?”    
  
“Well, I know Crackers usually have a joke in them, but that isn’t it.” Bee opened the box, taking out the ring. The ring was smart and very unisex. A trio of diamonds set in a wide platinum band.    
  
“Gabe?”    
  
“Marry Me, Bee. I never thought I’d feel this way about someone else ever again. Be my … spouse... or wife... or whatever. I know this is fast. Everything is... so fast. But.... I love you. I adore you.”   
  
“Fucking hell.....!” Bee mumbled. “Yeah. Yezzz..... of course I will you big daft pigeon!” The whole room erupted into hugs and squeals and everyone so happy. Aziraphale hugged them both firmly, before rushing off to the kitchen to finish up. Crowley followed, helping to lay the table, grinning like crazy. Soon everyone filed in, taking places at the table while Aziraphale dished up, Crowley making sure everyone had a drink. Bringing warmed plates to the table and helping with the serving dishes.    
  
the little cottage kitchen was filled with happy laughter and excited chatter. 


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the dull part of the year

A blissful Christmas and new year at the cottage faded into a dull January back in London. Work continued, along with the usual influx of ‘new year new me’ participants in the Yoga and Silks classes. the weather was grey and muffled and damp. Even so, Aziraphale and Crowley made sure to make time for romantic walks in the park. Visits to the theatre. Intimate meals out. Adventurous shopping trips in Soho. Aziraphale had started helping Crowley improve his cooking skills, and, due to his time abroad, he really showed a flair for the vibrant flavours of Japan.    
  
Crowley's nightmares were rare now. Not more than about once every three or four weeks, and his reactions much less dramatic. He had only had one panic attack while awake when Aziraphale had tried to push him to his knees in front of him. Aziraphale immediately realised the error, and they had discussed the trigger, and Aziraphale had no issue with the promise that oral sex was for the bed, lying down, and not standing. And it made sense, and Aziraphale's heart broke a little that he had caused painful memories to surface, but he would do everything it took to keep his beloved safe and happy.    
  
January bled uneventfully into February. And both looked forward to their first valentines day together. Aziraphale had managed to pull a few strings and get a reservation in the palm court at the Ritz. It couldn’t be further from Crowley's childhood of poverty and neglect. He would never have dreamed that such luxury would ever be his to enjoy. The beautiful surroundings and the soft piano music made Crowley feel like he was floating.    
  
“My dear.....I was wondering.... do you...... do you think we could get married here?”    
  
“Here? They do weddings here?”    
  
“Well of course they do. And it’s so beautiful and romantic, and so close to all of our friends, and I thought I’d bring you here and see what you thought. Besides, the food IS very good.” Crowley laughed softly, looking around with a new attention to detail.   
  
“I.... hadn’t really given the details much thought. But it’s very beautiful here, and I want to make you happy. So, seeing as I’ve not even thought about it, yes, if you think this is the place, then this is the place. I get to choose wedding cars though.”   
  
“Well of course you do, my dear boy. I really don’t know very much about cars. And... flowers. I think you should be in charge of the flowers. I know I like old fashioned roses, but that’s as far as my knowledge goes, I’m afraid.”    
  
“Ah, you know about David Austin?”    
  
“Yes, some of the roses at the cottage are his. Those are the sorts I love. All blousy and lots of heady scents.”   
  
“Yes. That's what I was thinking. Lots of greenery too, I love greenery.”   
  
“Well, it sounds like the flowers are definitely your job then. We should have rings made, to fit the engagement rings. I know an excellent jeweller more than up to the job. I should book us an appointment with her.” Aziraphale had pulled a notebook and pen from his pocket. Crowley smiled fondly.    
  
“How can you make even organisation romantic, Angel?”   
  
“Well, we are organising the most romantic legal paperwork of our lives, don’t you agree? And I will have a chat with reception here to see what dates are available later in the year. Unless you think we should move it on to next year? Do you think we need more time to plan? I’ve never planned a wedding before.”

“I read two years is usual. But I’m sure we can pull it together sooner. I... I just want you to be my husband very soon.”    
  
“How about... do you think a Christmas time wedding? They decorate so beautifully here, and we did get engaged over Christmas... and...”   
  


“Angel, that sounds perfect.” Aziraphale grinned.    
  
“Excellent, I will see what I can arrange tomorrow.    
  


  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   


  
They had walked home in the dark, taking a cut through the park. The ducks had gone to bed, but they stopped to enjoy the reflection of the stars on the pond. They leaned into each other, enjoying the warmth where their bodies pressed.    
  
The warmth dissipated when Crowley heard a terrifyingly familiar voice. 


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short and rather cruel chapter.   
> sorry/notsorry. 
> 
> I won't make you wait too long for the next one, promise.

“Tony! Is that you?!”  Crowley's blood ran cold. “You’ve shot up haven’t you, blimey you’re tall! Aziraphale immediately sensed the tension, and the way  Crowley's body started to fold in on itself, his shoulders rounded, his arms tucked around his middle as he tried to look anywhere but at the petite older redhead that was approaching them. Aziraphale moved protectively ahead of him.    
  
“Madam. I don’t know who you are,” He spoke firmly. He had a horrible feeling that he MIGHT know who she was after all. Her sharp cheekbones and flaming hair were all too familiar. The pale blue eyes too. “But I would thank you to leave us alone.”  Crowley's breath was shallow, and there were small whimpering sounds he tried to hold back.    
  
“Come off it love, I’m his Mum! Oh, don’t look at me like that, I suppose he told you his sob story, did he. Cos whatever it is, that’s not how it happened. Social Services make shit up all the time. Neighbours kept reporting me cos they didn’t like me. I loved them kids.”    
  
“I really don’t think you’re in any position to claim to be a parent.”   
  
“He was the problem, not me. Always nicking stuff.  That's why they took  em off me. He was a delinquent.”   
  
“no...” the voice was small and wavering. “no... go away.... leave me alone....”    
  
“You heard him. GO.”   
  
“How's my little girl doing?”   
  
“They’re not a little girl ..... Never were.”   
  
“Don’t be stupid, Tony. I told you to ignore that nonsense and she’d grow out of it. You just make it worse if you encourage it. Has she got rid of that speech thing yet?”   
  
“why are you here? you're not meant to be here.” Crowley was distractedly  scratching at his own arms. When Aziraphale noticed he took his hands gently.    
  
“Heard you was in London. Thought I’d see what’s up. Asked around a bit. You're not easy to miss. They said you was tall, but I didn’t know you were THAT tall. Still a skinny little thing though .” Aziraphale was aghast.    
  
“I want you to leave us alone RIGHT NOW, or I will be calling the Police, do you UNDERSTAND?! If we never see you again it would be too soon.”    
  
“What, so he can make up more lies about me?” Aziraphale wrapped his arm around  Crowleys shaking shoulders and hurried him out from the park. When they reached the  road he shook him off, staggering to the gutter heaving.    
  
Aziraphale rubbed Crowleys back as the puking eased off into dry retching.   
  
When the woman emerged from the park gates, Crowleys eyes were wide with panic. he took off like a flighty horse.  
  
Aziraphale's blood ran cold when he heard the screech of brakes and a sickening crunch.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND.... this wicked kitten leaves you with another cliffhanger.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> couldn't keep you hanging on THAT long, could I. 
> 
> Crowley is in a bad way, but things are looking up

Aziraphale's mind was a whirlwind. Bright lights, flashing colours, harsh scent of disinfectants. White and blue and red. Too much red. It didn’t feel real. Soft, kind voices, hard plastic chairs. Long words. No Crowley. When the ambulance had reached the hospital he had been whisked away from him, with shouting and beeping and ….too much red.    
  
He was numb. Hadn’t even been able to cry. Instead, he had gnawed a hole in the inside of his cheek. The metallic tang of the blood on his tongue almost an anchor to life. Aziraphale wondered if pressure sores were common from hospital waiting room chairs. He started on his fingernails. Tearing them ragged between his teeth.    
  
Eventually, the staff found him a more private room near the intensive care wing to wait in. The chairs were comfier, and he drifted in and out of a restless sleep. The police had taken his statement about what happened in the park and leading up to the accident. The hospital was under instruction that no one fitting her description was permitted as a visitor. With the softer chairs and the privacy, Aziraphales walls collapsed curling his body into a small ball as he sobbed his heart out. There was a knock on the door, Aziraphale stood unsteadily, expecting the worst.    
  
“Azzziraphale!” A small riot of dark spiky hair thumped into him, followed by a dejected Gabriel.    
  
“The girls are with my sister....have you heard anything?”   
  
“They said... broken bones... they need to reset his pinned hip.... and... the main problem is internal bleeding. They need to....if they can’t get that under control....it’s.... not good....we.... we were SO happy...” Aziraphale broke down sobbing. 

“Look, I need to go and take care of the girls soon. Bee will stay with you.” Gabriel's dark violet eyes were distraught. “But Tracy said she can come and check in tomorrow morning, and I’ll come back when the girls are at school. Sorry, it’s just a flying visit from me. But... Aziraphale, I hope he’s okay...” Aziraphale's lip twisted around words he couldn’t say, and he nodded. Gabriel kissed Bee on their swollen red lined eyelids, departing wordlessly with a helplessly pained expression. Aziraphale and Bee curled close together, no words passed between them. Just the reassuring physical contact.    
  
Aziraphale woke to find a blanket had been tucked around him. Bee was awake and pacing restlessly like a caged tiger. Dark circles around their red-rimmed eyes, hands cupping the curve of their swelling belly. Aziraphale broke again at the realisation there was every possibility that Crowley might not meet his niece and nephew. He had been so excited about being an uncle. The door opened, and a tired looking nurse came in. They looked exhausted.    
  
“We managed to stem the internal bleeding. His pelvis is in a bad way, and he needs more intensive surgery when he’s strong enough. For now, we’ve stabilised the bones so they don’t cause more damage, but he’s just not ready for such intensive surgery right now. But... he’s alive. He's not out of the woods yet, but he’s stable.” Aziraphale crumpled where he sat. “He won’t be able to walk again until the pelvic surgery. And he’ll probably need a crutch for some time after. But he’s stable. His chances of recovery are good.”   
  
“Can I see him?” Aziraphale's tongue felt thick and swollen in his mouth.    
  
“Soon. He won’t be conscious for some time yet. He's not come round from the general anaesthetic yet, and even when he does, he is HEAVILY dosed up on pain medication. It's all for the best.”   
  
“Pain...medication?”    
  
“Yes.”   
  
“Opiates’?!”    
  
“Morphine.”   
  
“You.... you don’t know what you've done... he... he shouldn’t have opiates...he... he was an addict.” the Nurses face was carefully blank.    
  
“In that case, Mr Fell, we will need to make sure to reduce the medication slowly. But trust me on this, the medication was necessary for his situation. Fortunately, it was a lower speed impact, but the point where the impact happened, unfortunately, aggravated old injuries. I can understand your concern at the fact we have had to resort to morphine for pain relief, but thank you for this information, it will help when deciding his long term treatment plan. you and Miss Young rest for a while. We will come and fetch you when he’s nearer to coming around. Can we get you anything?”    
  
Some time later staff came around with a cheese and pickle sandwich each. Some packets of crisps, and a banana each, with a bottle of water. It wasn’t much of a meal, and Aziraphale barely picked at it.    
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Crowley felt like he was swimming through treacle. A long way beneath the golden honey syrup, making him slow and drowsy. He was vaguely aware of a regular beep that irritated him. he was so weak. Pain dragged at the corners of his awareness. But more than that, there was a fuzzy, warm sensation that he floated on. He felt weak. He felt dizzy. He felt.... wonderful. part of him knew he should feel alarmed at the familiar warmth in his veins, making his brain feel soft and melty. He tried to fight his way to consciousness, but the warm fuzz was a heavy weight on him. With a soft moan, he managed to force his eyes open. soft fingers were entwined with his, and the fluffy head of white gold curls was resting next to his shoulder on the pillow. His eyes sunken and dark with shadows. Aziraphale shifted in his sleep, and Crowley stroked at the soft downy fluff at the nape of his neck. His eyes, a dull grey in the hospital strip lights, barely opened. Crowley smiled back at him.    
  
“Hey, Angel” he croaked.    
  
“They.... I thought you... I was so scared... “   
  
“m’okay, Angel.”    
  
“They...um...they gave you morphine...”   
  
“Yeah, no shit... too fucking high to care right now.....”    
  
“But... they’re going to wean you off right. They said. They said it was necessary. For your pain levels. They....um... they can’t fix your hips yet. Not until you are stronger.”   
  
“Aaah, they never worked right anyway” Bee rushed into the room, grabbing Crowley's pale hand in their own much smaller hand. Crowley let the warm embrace of the painkillers sweep him back under. Oh, how he had missed that feeling.    
  
  



	38. Chapter 38

Crowley luxuriated in the warm tide that lapped up and down his body. He had no bones. No angles. He was all soft edges. warm ripples. There was a hand in his. An anchor in the caramel sweet sea. Pain danced at the edges of his consciousness. His breathing growing gradually more shallow, little harsh rasps punctuated each inhalation, his fingers tight in rumpled sheets. his eyelids at half-mast. Aziraphale was exhausted, wiped out. His eyes sunken. Fighting against the sleep that threatened the periphery of his consciousness, Crowley couldn't pull his mind to the surface. His veins were warm motorways of soft, sucking pleasure. There were moments he was aware of the people he loved. Aziraphale was always there. A golden, fluffy presence. The scent of his sweat increasingly rank. His  platinum curls more unruly each day. And sometimes there was Bee. Bee with their fierce, sharp eyes.... eyes like ....her ...and their swelling abdomen. The terrifying promise of their stagnant gene pool reaching another generation. Aziraphale was utterly gone, limp at his side. The pain was grinding and unbearable. Lights. Flashed behind his  eyelids .    
  
  
  
One of the nurses fitted a new drip. He had been through pint after pint of donor blood, with his internal bleeding, and it was strange to think that the blood he was now bleeding was not his own. He was weak. Dizzy. Distant. his hands had been trembling. Tangled in the knots of the  harsh, rough cotton. He  shuddered as the morphine flushed through him. His head falling back loose and floppy with a satisfied moan. He was weak. He was shallow. He was letting the tide take him again. And he was glad of it, every time the tide retreated and the pain started creeping back in. The nurses had told him what had happened, but he struggled to remember. His hips were supported in a block to stop him from rolling in his sleep. He had to tolerate using a bedpan, assisted, so he didn’t damage himself, and  bedbaths . Just like the good old days. He thought bitterly to himself. Still. At least they were giving him the good stuff. He would worry about the implications of that when the pain was bearable. And that wouldn’t be until after the restoration surgery. It was six days after the accident that he was deemed stable enough to have another general  anaesthetic .    
  
Aziraphale paced anxiously when Crowley was wheeled off to surgery. He looked so helpless. So fragile. It made his pained heart crack open a little more. His found family did their best to try and make sure he had company as often as possible. Tracy arrived shortly after they took him away, and Aziraphale curled up with his head on her lap, as the tears fell. Fell and fell and wouldn’t stop. she was subdued. Quiet.  So unlike her usual  raucous cheery self. She just made soothing cooing noises and stroked his hair. Eventually, he slept and was haunted by dreams of sympathetic nurses telling him there was nothing they could do. That he was gone. Tracy continued to stroke his hair as he sobbed and whimpered in his sleep. At least Aziraphale was sleeping. The nurses had said he only got an hour here, an hour there. He must be so exhausted. She tugged the fleecy blanket around him and sighed.    
  
When he woke up, Tracy had left. Bee was there, of course. They would have wanted to be there if he came back. WHEN, he corrected himself.    
  
“Hey there,  zzleeping beauty.” Mumbled Bee, looking very small curled in a chair, like a cat. “Any  newzz ?”    
  
“Hmmm... not... sleeping beauty. I woke up without the kiss of my true love.”    
  
“SHIT.  Szorry .”    
  
“It’s okay... I’m..... I just can’t THINK. My brain is.... like... a bowl of spaghetti.”    
  
“I understand... trying to keep it light for the girls, but... I  juzzzt ... I love him so much,  y’know . He  wazz all I had, growing up. And that BITCH.... if... she takes him from me...” Bee broke down. Aziraphale guided them to the row of padded chairs, helping them sit, and putting their arm around their narrow shoulders. “Gabriel is helping me arrange a  rezztraining order.  Honeszzztly ,  Azziraphale , I don’t know how I’d be coping without him.” There was a tap at the door. Aziraphale stood, his face both frightened and hopeful.   
  
“Surgery went well. It took longer than expected to re-pin the break, but it’s a good, strong repair. We'll set up an appointment with the physiotherapist when he’s ready to deal with it. For now, he’s very heavily medicated for his comfort. as we found last time, his body seems to take a little longer than usual to come round from the general, but now we know what to expect with that. When his pain levels reduce, we will look at weaning him off the morphine. He's done it once, purely on willpower, I’m confident that we can make it as easy as possible for him, although, that IS of course down to him. But we can certainly lessen the physical discomfort of  withdrawal for him.” Aziraphale found himself unable to speak, just nodding at her, his face etched with concern and  relief .   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Crowley gradually became aware of the beeping of his monitors. The soft, warm hand gripping his.  his eyelids were heavy, and he was aware of the ventilator tubes making his throat burn. he weakly opened his eyes and managed a low whine to get the attention of his beautiful angel. soon there were soft, dry lips tenderly pressing to his forehead, his eyelids, his cheek and jaw. 


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> every movie needs a montage. 
> 
> in the weeks following surgery, Crowley struggles with his recovery but is hopeful for the future
> 
> CW. non graphic mention of childbirth, not from the delivery room.

Crowley winced as he sat up at the edge of the bed, hefting the crutches, and stumbling as he tried to get to his feet. Aziraphale stayed close to catch him if he lost balance. He was sweating, his hair bedraggled by the time he made it vertical. Whining as he felt his legs take some of his weight, two points of painful pressure in his pelvis. Aziraphale placed a reassuring hand on his lower back, as Crowley panted, trying to adjust to the feeling as his pelvis protested at the effort.    
  
“Very good, Anthony. Can you bring the crutches forwards? Go one at a time and adjust your weight across them and your legs slowly. Let the crutches take the bulk of the weight when you’re not moving them. “    
  
“This is the THIRD FUCKING TIME I’ve had to learn to WALK!” His golden eyes were damp with tears of frustration. I know what I’m MEANT to do, I just can’t fucking DO IT!”    
  
“Come on dear. It's not his fault. Here. I’ve got you. Just one thing at a time. Take it steady. I won’t let you fall. I’ll never let you fall.” Crowley adjusted the position of the crutches and managed a shaky step  forwards . The pain rose up his spine and he tried to adjust his posture as he knew he should. Fucking hips. Why did he have to have fucking  hips? Life would be so much easier without them. At least his spine was in one piece this time, his lower body had taken the brunt of the impact. He  still struggled to remember much of that evening. They'd had a lovely meal. There were stars in the water of the pond. Then he had been a  twelve-year-old , scared little boy again. Terrified and running for his life. Running right into the path of a tall  four-wheel drive, going too fast in a 30 zone. At least it hadn’t been going fast enough to go over him when they braked. With  Aziraphale's gentle encouragement, he had managed about four steps before his body folded beneath him. The physio had decided that was good enough for now, and given him a sheet of exercises he already knew he should be doing.    
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
It took  several months before his progress was deemed adequate to go home. They had drastically reduced his morphine, but done it gradually enough that he just felt an annoying grinding need at the edge of his brain. The sweats were easing off. The nausea and the shivering. The cramps were still pretty bad. They weren’t willing to let him home until he was on Codeine, which Aziraphale was to collect every other day on his behalf from the pharmacy so he wouldn’t take it all at once, or take too much. His skin itched unbearably, but the pain was on the peripheral, and that was more than  he had dared hope. When he was well enough  to be discharged, Aziraphale decided to take him back to Zen Cottage. Not least because it would be harder for him to get out and buy any  illicit substances. It was a half mile walk to the nearest  neighbours . A  pub. And Crowley was still slow on his crutches. A ziraphale had hidden the keys to the  landrover , a pharmacy in town could handle his medication. Crowley felt ashamed. Once an addict, always an addict. But Aziraphale still loved him. Aziraphale had booked their wedding for the day of the winter solstice, and swore it would be no less perfect if AziraphaleCrowley needed help walking still. If he had to carry him to the altar, bridal style, he would.    
  
Penetrative sex was still very uncomfortable for him, although they had tried lots of different ways. His hips were still stiff and painful and not great at weight-bearing. Aziraphale found ways they could pleasure each other without putting too much weight or movement on to  Crowley's hips. But Crowley still felt like he was failing his angel. The day Aziraphale had found that if he spooned with him from behind, carefully holding his tender hips still as he rolled slowly into him, Crowley had sobbed with relief as Aziraphale spilled inside him. Maybe all wasn’t lost. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to teach Yoga or Silks again, but he would probably be mobile enough for physio and sports massage. Not now but in the  future .   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Time rolled on, as time does, and one more ticking timer ran down.    
  
The phone call came around 5 am. Bee was in  labour .  It was early, but Gabriel said that they had been told that was to be expected with twins. Especially as Bee was slight themselves. As the midwife had said, ‘You can’t breed rats from mice, dear’. The girls were with Gabe's mother, who had flown over in anticipation of meeting her new grandchildren and helping with the early days. Crowley wanted to get there this time yesterday, so Aziraphale drove them back in the  Landrover . Aziraphale was a careful, steady driver, and Crowley was twitching in his seat, a long streak of anxiety and anticipation.    
  
When they reached the maternity wing of the hospital Gabriel had told them about, they were shown into a waiting room. A nurse came in, saying Bee had told them to keep them updated. Labour was difficult, but the babies were strong and healthy, and well on their way. Bee was doing well. It was never going to be a walk in the park squeezing two melons out of a small person. And Gabriel was big. Broad. Tall. If they were built like him.... but no, they had said they were small. But if they had his broad shoulders.... no, not something to dwell on. Gabriel poked his head around the door of their waiting room.    
  
“Crowley! They want you there. It's... it’s about to happen.” Crowley took unsteady steps, now using one crutch, after Gabriel, who supported his other arm. Aziraphale didn’t mind being left. This was  Bee's brother and  fiance . He knew he would never be seen as being AS close. And to be honest, he was relieved to not have to see that going down. It would even further cement his preference for people without a vulva. They would call him in when the blood and goo and screaming was over. And he could more than live with that.    
  
It was an hour, maybe two later that someone came to fetch him. When he entered the room, Bee was sweat streaked. Exhausted looking. Pale. BEAMING. Gabriel and  Crowley's expressions... they both looked utterly enchanted. Gabriel was practically glowing. Aziraphale went to Crowley, slipping his arms around his shoulders. In the cot beside the bed were two babies. Bruised, blotchy. So pink and helpless  looking. Gabriel stroked their dark curls lightly.    
  
“Aziraphale.... meet Evelyn Toni” and the other “and Zen Gabriel” Crowley leaned forwards, pressing a kiss to Bees sweat spiked hair. he knew it was worth getting clean. He knew he could start again. time and time and time again, life was too precious to give up on.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Over the next few months,  Crowley's codeine dose was  reduced , and he did very well. Stopping was still hard, but he had too much to live for. His hips still wouldn’t behave, and he had never been more grateful that Aziraphale was more than willing to take up the financial slack. Separating and letting out the top floor flat was also a good move. Anathema and her boyfriend Newt took Bees side, along with the lovely full-length back room. One of the other therapists, another yoga teacher they had brought in to take over  Crowley's classes took  Crowley's side of the flat . Crowley was always going to miss the time at the flat they had together, but it was about family, not location. And  Crowley's family now included Aziraphale, Gabriel, all four of  his children , and the delightfully vulgar Tracy. By October, Crowley was walking with just a cane. And of course, the unbearable  flamboyant arse had picked a fancy gloss black one with a silver serpent handle. He still had a  noticeable limp, but the pain was much diminished. He had been able to start taking on some physio patients again. Not more than two appointments a day, without exhaustion and pain catching him up, but it gave him confidence that he would find a way to go in the future.    
  
Crowley was beyond SMITTEN with his new  niece and Nephew. Both had curling dark hair, and Zen had eyes like his father, but lighter. More a lilac than a violet, and Evie had pale gold eyes like his own. Evie was a serious, thoughtful little thing. A keen observer. And Zen was so open and full of wonder. He adored them. And Bee, who had decided that after going through childbirth there was no way they weren’t calling themselves their mother, was a great parent. Attentive. Passionate, and very content. It wasn’t what they had ever expected in their life, but having a big, brash,  American fiance , two stepdaughters, and baby twins, was a life they were very happy in. and with Crowley and  Aziraphale's additional statements, the restraining order was rock solid. If she came south as far as London, she was toast. and Crowley was getting stronger. More flexible. The pain was slowly retreating from his damaged body. He started back on some simple yoga moves he knew would help  strengthen the muscles around his hips and thighs, give him more stability and support. He had been making progress with both of his therapists help. One, a kind lady who was helping him process the traumas of his past. The other an older man who  specialised in therapy for recovering addicts. He had a wicked sense of  humour , and with his help, Crowley was beginning to feel less ashamed of how his life had  spiralled out of control after his accident, and with the aftermath of the recent one. That he wasn’t a failure for struggling so much coming off morphine.    
  
He had distracted himself with some of the last touches of planning the wedding. He had his suit fitting coming up, and was looking forward to seeing Aziraphale on their wedding day. As promised, the goldsmith had done a splendid job of making wedding rings to fit with their somewhat awkwardly shaped wedding rings. Inspired by the ruby and diamond set in  Aziraphale's engagement ring, which matched their hair, the jeweller had suggested they use sapphire and amber in the bands. To accommodate the shapes, they had chosen for snakes, coiling around the other rings, in a contrasting metal. As both of the engagement rings were gold, the serpents were platinum, with the stones set in the foreheads of the snakes. They were beautiful and unique.    
  
He had planned the flowers, Aziraphale had, of course, made the food and cake choices. There wasn’t a huge amount left to do. And he had one more wonderful surprise up his sleeve. He was going to need Bee's help to pull it together. Just a few finishing touches.    
  
It was mid-December . Almost everything was ready. And soon there would be the Christmas market, and they would choose their new decorations and enjoy the festive sights. Do their last minute  christmas shopping. As they would be on honeymoon over Christmas, Gabriel and Bee would be spending their first Christmas with the twins at the cottage without them. It seemed a shame to miss it, but they would look forward to a family Christmas celebration together in February. Get together, share their presents and a good meal. And with it not being on the actual day, more of their closest friends could be together for it.    
  
But, for now, there was one, blinding  realisation . In less than one  weeks time , Aziraphale would be his husband. And he knew that the past was a pale shadow compared to his future. 


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale enjoy the christmas market. 
> 
> a few days before the wedding, the two teams of groomsmen arrange some fun.

Aziraphale was busy at the bookshop, so Crowley met him at the Christmas market. Aziraphale was wearing a terrible festive jumper but no coat, scarf or gloves. Aziraphale raised his eyebrow quizzically.   
  
“You’re not wearing a coat?”    
  
“I was, my darling. But I... I gave it away.”    
  
“You WHAT?”    
  
“ I gave it away!” Aziraphale seemed defensive. “She looked so cold... and … I have more coats at home, and I can be cold for an  evening, but it will keep her warm for as long as it lasts. I get to go home to our  cosy flat. She... doesn’t...  So I said, take my coat, and here’s the number for the local shelter, maybe they can help you.”    
  
“You gave your coat to a homeless woman?”    
  
“My dear, how could I NOT? Every time I see someone sleeping rough, I think of what I would have wanted someone to do when it was YOU in that position. And it wasn’t what you went through. I would never have wanted that for you. There isn’t much I can do to repair that harm you experienced, but if I can make even one  person's night on the concrete less …..awful.... why would I ever not?”   
  
“Oh Angel....” Crowley leaned forward to kiss those pink lips, and he wrapped his own heavy coat around both of their shoulders. Snuggling close.    
  
Crowley and Aziraphale were arm in arm around the  Christmas market. they took their time choosing their ornaments for their Christmas tradition. Crowley chose one of two winged cherubs embracing. Aziraphale selected one of a  rainbow . He said it represented a promise of a happier future. It was perfect.    
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
  
Crowley had headed off with his reprobates, and Aziraphale was a little sad to see him go. Even though they would be back together the following evening, until the evening before the wedding.  Aziraphale's butterflies had butterflies.    
  
Tracy, Gabriel and some of the lads from Rugby were planning his stag. Tracy had been giving knowing winks and giggles for weeks now. Knowing Tracy as he did, he had some concerns. Fortunately, most of the day was going to be  more low key, and his teammates and coach were meeting them after the planned activities for a few pints. the day started well, with a morning at the spa, including a massage and mani-pedi . Aziraphale would be having his  much enjoyed hot shave and a trim the morning of the wedding. Aziraphale decided to be daring and opted for a barely-there pearlescent shimmer for his finger and toenails. Then when they were ready to leave, Tracy adorned him with a veil and L plates,  and Well of course. Tracy loved the  playful sleaziness of this kind of thing. She blindfolded Aziraphale and she and Gabriel helped him into the back of the people carrier.    
  
Aziraphale was  lead into a room and seated, there were amused giggles around him. When Tracy removed the blindfold, there in front of him was an easel, some charcoals, and a very naked man. She had taken them to a life drawing class. Aziraphale blushed rose pink. After the model and other participants introduced themselves, Aziraphale relaxed into scratching out the undeniably attractive form draped in front of him. By the end of the class, he was very happy with his sketch. He resolved to draw Crowley sometime.    
  
After the life drawing class, Aziraphale was taken to a nearby bar, where he found they now had a cocktail making class. He really was having a wonderful day. then the rest of the team arrived, and things got much louder. It was then  that Tracy brought out the presents for the wedding night.    
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Crowley groaned as he woke up. Hungover as fuck. Anathema had drunk him under the table, and he felt wretched. Bee had enjoyed their night off from parenting, Gabriel's sister had all four of them for the weekend. and the three of them were a little subdued sitting at the kitchen table at Eden House, in Bees old flat. Still no sign of Newt. Crowley vaguely remembered trying to coax him down from a tree he had randomly decided to climb on the way home, poking him with his cane, and threatening him that it was a swordstick, and if he didn’t come down now, he would be getting his secret weapon out. It had been a good night out.    
  
“Greasy fry up when Newt surfaces?” Mumbled Anathema, passing out black coffees. Crowley nodded, wrapping his fingers around the mug and breathing in the bitter scent.    
  
“Balcony, anyone?” Crowley suggested. Anathema had to admit, it sounded a good idea. And she could poke Newt on the way through. She made him his tea, and they filed through to the back room. Newt was still flat out on the airbed. Anathema had valiantly let Crowley use the bed, seeing as his hips were still temperamental. Bee had taken the sofa, and she and Newt took the airbed. Anathema ruffled  Newts hair as she passed him, putting his tea on the nearby coffee table. He made a small noise of complaint.    
  
The fresh air was a relief. Even on a chilly day like today. When they were all sobered up, Bee and Crowley had another job for the wedding to get out of the way. For now, the three of them sat nursing their hangovers in companionable silence.    
  
Following a huge, greasy and insanely satisfying fry up at the nearest greasy spoon, Bee phoned up Gabe to pick them up for the drive to the South Downs cottage.    



	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we are now on the home stretch, lovely readers.   
> barelling towards our happy ending.   
> thank you for sticking with me.

One last night. Tomorrow afternoon they would part until they saw each other to marry. They'd made sure Bee had the rings. Bee was Crowley's Best Person. Anathema his maid of honour. 

  
Tracy was Aziraphales Matron of honour, and Gabriel his Best Man. The flowers were going to be delivered the morning of the wedding. Crowley had arranged the cars. They had collected their suits, hanging side by side in labelled opaque bags. Tomorrow Crowley would be heading to Gabriels, and Gabriel and the girls would be coming to the bookshop, so both had their groomspeople with them for the morning. The girls dresses were ready. Tracy and Anathemas dresses were a rich, dark red with a pale ivory gold sash, and the girls had ivory gold dresses with red sashes. Ariel and Jophiel were very excited.    
  
Crowley's head rested on Aziraphale's broad chest, and he sighed contentedly. Aziraphale's fingers trailed lightly through his soft waves of flaming red hair.    
  
“Penny for them, my dearest?”   
  
“This is our last night together as unmarried men.”   
  
“Living in sin.” Aziraplahe chuckled. “It has been a rollercoaster ride, hasn’t it. “   
  
“I used to think I was cursed....forsaken. Unlucky. Everything that happened to me...and then when I thought my luck had changed...the recent accident... and... the therapist. She said to me, where would my life be if things had been different for me...? and It wouldn’t be HERE! It wouldn’t be with you! If I never... had my fall, I would never have become a physiotherapist. If I’d never become a physiotherapist, I would never have met you... and... Aziraphale, it completely re-framed everything for me...and you are worth EVERYTHING I went through. I... I’m the luckiest man alive.” Aziraphale pressed his lips to Crowley's forehead. Crowley tilted his head back, bringing his lips up to meet his. Aziraphale hummed appreciatively as his agile tongue traced his lips to part them, and he opened to him, his fingers tightening in the blood-red curls.    
  
“Oh, my dear...Oh, I love you..” Aziraphale gasped between kisses. Crowley awkwardly swung one leg over Aziraphales hips, rolling back on to his buttocks. “are you sure? Not too sore? not too stiff?”  the enquiry made his thin lips dance into one of his maddeningly attractive smirks.  
  
“Not too bad at all. I’m fine. Cushion.” Aziraphale tugged the pillows under his arse, making it easier on Crowleys hips to ride him. Crowley leaned back, displaying his long lines and angles, his eyes burning as he rolled his nipples between his long fingers. Aziraphale's broad hands swept up his thighs, thumbs brushing over the old and new scars, the newer ones still pink, not yet faded to silver like the others. Crowley reached behind himself, playing with his entrance. Aziraphale's hands danced up and down his torso and thighs, watching Crowley fuck himself open on his fingers. His blue-grey eyes hooded with desire. He passed the Lubricant over, and Crowley worked himself some more, before slicking up Aziraphale's thick, proud cock. Whimpering softly, he gradually lowered himself, luxuriating in the burning stretch as he was filled inch by inch. Aziraphale stared up at him in wonder. Enchanted by his beauty. His strength. His resilience. This exquisite creature, giving himself to him, over and over. For the rest of their lives.    
  
“Crowley...I love you... I love you so much...so beautiful for me.” He reached to support his hips as he rode him, bearing some of his weight for him. He sighed when Crowley let his head fall back, his hair stroking against his thick thighs. Their breathing became more ragged as the pace increased, Crowley slamming himself back down on each downstroke, eyes squeezed shut, open-mouthed with pleasure. Aziraphale rolled his hips up into each thrust, enjoying the filthy sound as their bodies slapped together. “Touch yourself for me. I want you to come on me” Crowley whined, wrapping his elegant hand around himself, teasing his nipples again with his other hand. As he got closer. He bit down on his knuckle, whining desperately.    
  
“Angel....Angel...I’m.... I’m....”   
  
“I’m ready for you, love... I’m close....” His voice trailed off into a rough moan, pulsing up into his love as he felt the hot spatter of Crowley's completion spilling messily on his stomach and chest. Crowley sank down loose-limbed onto him, smearing them both, panting and stealing greedy kisses.   
  
As their breathing became more even, Aziraphale rose, easily scooping Crowley up into his arms and carrying him to the shower. 


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Morning of the Wedding.

Aziraphale sat quietly on his roof terrace, watching the Solstice sun rising over the city. He held up his glass of bucks fizz in a toast to the returning Sun. To the light pouring into his life. The sky was clear, only little feathery clouds here and there. It looked like it was going to be one of those crisp, clear winter days. He saw a head of vibrant bottle red hair coming down the road from Tracy's shop and downed the rest of his drink. Gabriel was making breakfast. He'd even promised it wouldn't be TOO healthy. And he knew Gabe made an excellent eggs florentine, and a very invigorating ginger and apple smoothie. He headed back to the bustle inside, showering while Gabriel and Tracy got things going. After breakfast, he was going for his shave and trim, then back to dress. He was full of butterflies. Not of nervousness but of excitement. Not even a tiny bit of nerves.    
  
When he sat at the little kitchen table, Gabriel served him a plate of eggs florentine with a flourish. Tracy planted an enthusiastic, heavily perfumed kiss on his cheek.    
  
“Are you excited dear? I know I am. Oh and I AM going to tell you I told you so, because, I told you so.”    
  
“You did. And who am I to argue? I should have believed you right away. And yes, I’m VERY excited. I can hardly believe it’s happening. I keep feeling like I could wake up and find I’ve been dreaming.”   
  
“Living the dream, Aziraphale. Living the dream.” Gabriel cheerfully announced, sliding into his own seat with some bizarre wheatgrass concoction. “Tracy is going to watch the girls and do their hair while we are at the barbers. Then we get you all prettied up for your lovely fiance, how bout that, huh?” Aziraphale grinned. “And... you’re okay about... your brother?” Aziraphale turned the letter over again in his hands, rereading the cruel words.    
  
“Of course I am. I only invited him as a courtesy. It’s not the done thing to NOT invite him. But... if he thinks that attending our ‘blasphemous mockery of matrimony and celebration of a life of perverted sin’ is an insult to him, our parents and his so called good name, so be it. I didn’t WANT him there. If he thinks his spiteful words can even slightly dim my happiness today, he is severely overestimating how much he means to me. I have ALL the family I need.”   


  
  
  
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Crowley rolled over, his arm reaching out to find a warm body. Instead just a pillow he had snuggled up to in the night. Well fuck. His gold eyes snapped open. Taking in the not so familiar room. He felt a thrill of excitement. It was finally here. he could smell black and bitter coffee, and frying bacon, mushrooms and eggs. He felt sure he was too excited to eat. He blearily rubbed his eyes and headed to the shower. He decided it was a good time to treat himself to a wank to make himself more relaxed.    
  
In the living room, Gabriels Mum was helping Bee with the twins. She hadn’t wanted to miss their first Christmas, and having her help wrangle the babies during his day was a big help. And the doting grandmother was more than happy to be there with them. They were getting bigger, now 8 months old and really showing their characters. Newt was there, helping with them. He really was great with children. Still nervous and flustered, but that’s Newt for ya. All the same, the babies seemed fascinated by his flappability. By his nervous, hurried voice. Anathema was watching him thoughtfully. At the hotel, they had arranged a childminder to help with them during the event.    
  
The flowers for his team arrived, buttonholes, a bouquet, and loose flowers for his hair, and the ones to decorate the car. A stylist was arriving soon to help weave them into braids in his hair. He knew Ariel and Jophiel would be so excited. They always loved playing with his long hair, and plaiting flowers in always delighted them. He hoped Aziraphale would be happy with the flowers, featuring delicate, green-tinged pink and white old roses, Ivy and for the two of them, black and white rooster tail feathers. in the meantime, he headed downstairs with the ribbons and flowers for the car, and a soft cloth to bring her to a glorious shine. Gabes Mum took the people carrier, to take the babies and collect the girls on the way to the Ritz.    
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Aziraphale carefully moisturised his skin, using his rose quartz roller, and carefully dabbing eye cream to his crows feet. He tugged a brush through his always unruly white curls. His fingers tugging at his waistcoat over and over.    
  
“You do look wonderful, you know” Tracy stepped in close and helped attach his buttonhole. She looked lovely in the dress, with a shawl that matched the sash over her shoulders.    
  
“Thank you dear. will I do?”   
  
“More than do! Tony is going to lose his mind seeing your arse under the cut of that jacket. . I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so.... you are, what the youngsters call, a snack, my dear. Never seen you looking so handsome. Wouldn't be surprised if he gets done for public indecency during the ceremony. even I feel all tingly” She had that wicked twinkle in her eye. “Bee texted. the car is going to be here in about ten minutes. Last-minute toilet break if you need it?” He decided that was a good idea.    


When he emerged, Tracy made sure they had everything they needed to take with them, straightened Aziraphale's cravat, and gave both of the boys a good look over to make sure they were up to standard.    
then they headed downstairs. It was almost time.    
  
Outside of the shop was a long, imposing beast of a car, sleek lines of immaculately polished paintwork. Decorated with ribbons and flowers. Aziraphale's jaw dropped.    
  
“It’s.... it’s....” The Driver got out, a wicked little grin under blue eyes and spiky hair. Bee opened the passenger door and pulled the seat forward.  they were wearing an immaculately tailored suit, and looked amazing.   
  
“He finished it. He szent me to pick you up, becauze he izzn’t going to let just ANYONE drive her. We have a similar driving style.”    
  
“It’s the Bentley! I can’t believe it. I never thought I’d see her on the road.”   
  
“He zaid he couldn’t think of better wedding transport. Now hop in, before he zsstarts thinking you’re jilting him.” Aziraphale and Gabriel got in, and when the seat was back in position, Tracy stepped in to the passenger side. Bee shut the door and went back around to drive Aziraphale to his future. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter to go. thank you for joining me on this wild ride.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took me a while to write. I wanted to do true justice to my human ineffables, and make sure their wedding was perfect. 
> 
> if it didn't make me well up, it wasn't good enough for them. they deserve EVERYTHING that is good and beautiful. 
> 
> thank you for so many sweet, kind, supportive and encouraging words as I told you their story. 
> 
> I'm sure you will all wish them well for the rest of their lives together.

Crowley shifted from foot to foot. Practically vibrating with anticipation. He wore snakeskin boots with a slight heel, revealing a peek of the glossy red soles. His pinstripe trousers skimmed his long legs, the narrow red lines working beautifully with his sharply tailored velvet frock coat, the fabric reflecting a dark red sheen against the grain of the black. His shirt was a fine, soft silk, in a deep dark red. His hair was gathered back from his sharp temples, and woven with a fine crown of flowers, before spilling around his shoulders. His thumb traced over and over the handle of his cane as he took some deep, steadying breaths. Anathema at his side. He looked out over their seated friends. Mary was there. Arthur and Dierdre Young. The other therapists and practitioners from Eden House. Some of  Aziraphale's Rugby friends, some of the waiters and chefs he was particularly friendly with. he smiled. At them happily. The room looked beautiful. Everyone looked happy. But he was sure nobody could be as happy as him.    
  
Back in the lobby, Bee hugged Aziraphale tightly and stretched up to kiss Gabriel, before heading back to be with Crowley. It was close. It was moments away now. Aziraphale straightened, checking his cravat and sleeves were straight. Tracy squeezed his hand before heading to the palm court ahead of them. The wedding  co-ordinator was waiting at the door, ready to give the signal to the quartet.  the girls were with her, and they hugged their dad and uncle excitedly When everyone was ready. She spoke into her headset, and they heard the strings starting up. The sound of the guests rising to their feet. She ushered Aziraphale to one side, sending first Jophiel, then Ariel, the older of the two ahead, followed by Tracy. They took their places at the front of the room. Gabriel tugged a chain from under his shirt. It was a locket. He opened it to show him the photo of his sister, Evelyn.    
  
“Well, we all know Tracy took care of the something blue, with that set of...  ah... Implements... for the honeymoon.” Aziraphale smiled. “So here is something borrowed. She can be close to your heart today. He fastened the chain, letting it fall beneath his collar and feeling the warm metal settle on his chest. “Aziraphale, she would be so proud of you today. I’M so proud of you. You're like a brother to me, you know that right?” Aziraphale nodded. A lump in his throat. Gabriel hugged him tight and took his arm.    
  


The doors opened.   
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
Crowley turned slowly. His lips parting into the widest grin when he took in the vision before him.  Aziraphale's suit was such a pale gold it was almost ivory. Much like his hair. He wore a wide, fluffy cravat at his throat, held neat  with a sapphire inlaid tie pin. The long jacket skimmed his curves beautifully, accentuating his broad shoulders, falling full from his soft hips, just tracing the line of his thighs beautifully. the shirt was a beautiful soft sky blue,  bringing out the  colour of his eyes. Usually so fickle and changeable into a glowing blue-green. He was  breathtaking. But more than his clothes. His smile, his smile that made him almost seem to glow like the Sun, as he walked to join him.    
  
When he reached the podium, Aziraphale slipped his arm around  Crowley's narrow waist, kissing him gently. Bee gently took  Crowley's cane, so he could hold both hands together.    
  
The moment was here. it was time. The registrar smiled fondly as she gestured the guests to sit.   
  
The pair were lost utterly in each other's eyes . 

  
  
She began the vows that would bind them. Before they took their individual vows, Ariel, now 12, and a voracious reader stepped forwards nervously to give the reading she had chosen. An excerpt from the Novel, Stardust. About a Star who fell to Earth, and then fell in love.    
  
She stepped forward. Notebook in hand, and spoke as clearly as she could.    
  
“You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true.   
I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable.   
All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again.   
But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful.   
So yes, I know that love is unconditional.   
But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you.   
Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself.   
My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me  any more .   
It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion.   
Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.”   
  
She continued. “We love Uncle Aziraphale, and we know that love brings happiness and sadness. But I also know that when you look at someone you love, you shine like a star. And I know my Mum would have wanted to see how he shines for Uncle Crowley” Gabriel hugged her tight as she stepped away from the front, so proud of her beautiful choice of reading.    
  
Time seemed to stretch. Every moment a sparkling jewel. Every heartbeat a symphony.    
  
“My... my dearest friend.” Aziraphale began. “I could never have known how you would change my life, when we met. I was starting to feel that my life and my passions were starting to wind down. That I had reached the peak of the mountain and it was all downhill. And then you walked in. I came to love you very quickly. The more I learned of you, the more I loved. Your  quick-witted humour , your jackal laugh. The way your eyes glow. That... that devilish smirk that curls your lip when you are amused. Your artistic hands.    
  
I had no chance. You enchanted me like some  fae being.    
  
I love you for your kindness.    
I love you for your passion.    
I love you for your strength, your resilience.    
Nothing in life has ever held you down, you just keep striving.    
You have faced more adversity than anyone I have ever known, but you have built an incredible life.    
You have helped others. You have helped me.    
And when more adversity came, you fought back yet again.    
My darling, you are SO strong. I can only dream of being as brave and strong as you.    
  
All you have faced in the  past, I cannot protect you from. But anything that comes our way, know this.   
You will never have to face it without me. I will always support, love and protect you. I will hold you when you need to be held, and tell you to buck up, when you need to be told to.    
Whatever the future holds, I will be by your side.    
  
I... I’d like to read this passage from The Amber Spyglass.   
  
‘I will love you forever; whatever happens. Till I die and after I die, and when I find my way out of the land of the dead, I’ll drift about forever, all my atoms, till I find you again… I’ll be looking for you, every moment, every single moment. And when we do find each other again, we’ll cling together so tight that nothing and no one’ll ever tear us apart. Every atom of me and every atom of you… We’ll live in birds and flowers and dragonflies and pine trees and in clouds and in those little specks of light you see floating in sunbeams… And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me.’   
  
My most beloved, my world. My everything. I will give you all of me that there is, even when I have nothing to give. I will be whatever you need me to be. A shoulder to cry on. A warrior by your side in battle, your guardian in the night. Whatever you need me to be, I know I can be it for you. You are everything to me.” His soft hands were firm on  Crowleys long, cool fingers.    
  
“Wow.... um....”  Crowley's eyes were honeyed pools of warm affection. “Aziraphale. I... I never thought that love was something I would have. I doubted it was even real. And if it was, it wasn’t destined for the likes of me. When we met, you started making me believe I too deserved happiness. I deserved respect. I deserved to be loved. And you showed me over and over again what it meant to be cared about and supported.    
  
I am not the person you met that day. I am better. And I will be forever changed because of you. Your kindness, your limitless compassion. And I want to be the person that makes you the best version of  your self . Your truest self. The one that sees past  your self-doubt , the one that sees past your worries, and holds your hand in mine when you need me.   
  
Aziraphale, I am not good at words. But I know I could go through every word of every book you own, and not one of them would be enough to tell you how much I love you.” Tracy handed Aziraphale a cotton  handkerchief , and only then did he  realise tears were streaming down his face. He laughed as he wiped at his eyes.    
  
The registrar smiled kindly.    
  
"And now, the vows you are about to take are binding, made before your family and friends this day.    
  
Are you, Antony Jasper Crowley, free to Marry Aziraphale Zen Fell?"   
  
“I am”   
  
“And are you, Aziraphale Zen  Fell free to Marry Antony Jasper Crowley?”   
  
“I am”   
  
“You have chosen to mark your love and commitment with the exchange of rings to remind you of your exchange of vows, a ring is an unbroken circle with no beginning and no end.    
  
Antony, please repeat after me. this ring is a symbol of my love and devotion, to love you always and stand firm by your side for the rest of my days.”   
He swallowed hard, sliding the ring on gently to  Aziraphale's now bare finger, where he had slid the engagement ring across to his right hand before the ceremony.    
  
"This ring is a symbol of my love and devotion. To love you always and... and stand firm by your side  for the rest of my days.”    
  
“Aziraphale, please repeat after me. This ring is a symbol of my love and devotion, to love you always, and stand firm by your side for the rest of my days” Aziraphale took a deep breath. Taking up the second ring.    
  
“This ring is a symbol of my love and  devotion .” He began in a cracked voice. “To love you always, and stand firm by your side for the rest of my days.” He broke down again, feeling  Crowley's long fingers stroking his jawline. Looking up into swimming golden eyes, and sharp teeth biting on thin lips to hold back a sob. He heard Tracy sniffing.    
  
“Antony and Aziraphale. You have made your vows, before these witnesses here, a solemn and binding  promise of a shared future together. I am very happy and  honoured to pronounce you Husbands, and wish you every happiness in your new life together. You may kiss”    
  
Crowley's hands swept up  Aziraphale's back, drawing him close. Aziraphale crushed his lips to  Crowley's , his hands cupping his waist and the back of his neck. Their friends erupted into happy cheers as they kissed fiercely, pouring their love into every point their bodies touched. When their smiles were too large to kiss around, they drew back, resting forehead to forehead, laughing softly. They'd finally done it.    
  
  
  
And come hellfire or holy water, nothing would ever come between them. 


End file.
